Sometimes it takes something bizarre like falling off a baby grand piano to get one in the mood for writing. Yeah, I did that today. It was a spectacular fall and worthy of a whole story in itself. Instead, I feel like bitching about my life. So, indulge me. I could’a died today. And if that’s not enough, yesterday….I had a colonoscopy!
Because my 14 year old daughter has been experimenting with a variety of illegal substances and enjoying drugs which have not been prescribed to her, I took her to a substance abuse counselor. As my know-it-all teenage girl who-has-enough-pharmaceutical-knowledge-to-pass-the-state-board-test-on-the-first-try-does not believe she has a problem and that all adults are aliens and full of alien green shit, she; according to the counselor, would not benefit from counseling at this time.
Instead I was referred to a counselor to deal with my codependence issues. Pretty much, we meet once a week, which is what I‘ve done on Ab‘s summer vacation.
My counselor suggested I read Codependence-THE DANCE of WOUNDED SOULS-A Cosmic Perspective of Codependence and the Human Condition.
The author, Robert Burney, is said to be a non-clinical, non-traditional therapist-a healer, teacher and Spiritual guide whose private practice is based upon the Twelve Step Recovery principles. He specializes in codependence counseling with emphasis on emotional honesty, grief processing and inner child work-while teaching individuals how to become empowered by having internal boundaries.
Being the ‘highly functioning depressed’ person that I am, I continue to be open to the possibility of growth through my life experiences and the written word even if I am supposed to look at those experiences and my reactions to them through the eyes of my “inner child.”
The author says that in modern psychology, researcher began to understand how profoundly the emotional trauma of early childhood affects a person as an adult. He said that they realized that if not healed, these early childhood emotional wounds, and the sub-conscious attitudes adopted because of them, would dictate the adult’s reaction to, and path through life. So, he says, we walk around looking and trying to act like adults, while reacting to life out of the deep emotional wounds and attitudes of childhood.
So, I suppose that it was my 7 year old inner child that threw a gigantic,screamin’ hissy fit today when I found out this morning that my beloved indoor kitty, Grayson was missing after being left outside all night.
The pain is unbearable. My kitty is lost. He’s never coming back. No, I don’t want another kitty. I want Grayson. He’s soft and he loves being carried like a baby.
It’s the stern adult mother in me who wants to strangle my adult daughter who began allowing Grayson to go out on the front porch with her while she smokes, despite me telling her repeatedly not to let him go outside. It got where she’d let him stay out there longer and longer, as he’d be soaking up the sun or enjoying the fresh air while cooling off under the bench on our front porch. He won’t leave she said.
Today, she’s saying, “He’ll come back Mom!”
The money conscious adult in me is counting every dime I’ve spent keeping that cat alive in the past two years.
The little girl is saying “Who cares about what it costs! Just bring him home to me! Let’s put up flyers! Can we offer a reward for his return?” as she continues to cry.
Have you seen my pretty kitty?
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