Hellen Keller said, "Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it."



While I am sometimes amazed at the amount of suffering I've experienced from some jolting sucker punches and riveting hard knocks in my fleeting 55 years, I know that we humans have the ability to endure incredibly painful hardships and heartbreak and emerge from the circumstances stronger and more resilient than ever, if we don't allow our misfortunes break our spirits.

I recall seeing my 87 year old grandmother as she sat bravely at my father's side, quietly composed and watching her beloved eldest child as he labored for each breath as he was dying, a few years ago. Her strength, acceptance and coping skills amazed and inspired me and the other family members who were present at that sorrowful time. She obtained that courage and grace under fire, from enduring her own series of painful misfortunes and life lessons...stories of betrayal, survival and endurance, that she shared with me as I conducted a tape-recorded interview with her a few years before.

Her struggles, although in a different time and place, made me get weak in the knees as I wondered if I could have done the same, if I were in her shoes during those bleak moments and days. But, I realize now that I am cut from the same strong cloth as my amazing paternal grandmother and for that I am very grateful.

I have now endured the deaths of 9 immediate family members in the past 15 years, and three of those loved ones died in the last 4 years. In nearly every case, I wrote and delivered a eulogy at the funeral for those precious souls that I loved and lost. I don't know where I obtained the strength to write from the heart or to stand before my family and friends and speak through my profound grief.

But, I did.

And...thinking of that now, especially considering the life-shattering episodes I've survived lately....provides me with a certain comfort in knowing that I can handle whatever life throws my way. I am way tougher than I think. I am a survivor and in my darkest moments I must always remember that fact.

I wish the same for my children, especially my oldest daughter, to whom this entry is dedicated. Last night, she shared with me that she's having some serious concerns about the fragile health and eventual death of her elderly paternal grandfather. She recalls my father's death as "traumatic" as he was the first person, really close to her who died. She expresses her fear of losing me at some point in her life and how she feels she just couldn't deal with that eventuality. Despite the fact that she is almost 36 years old, she is child-like in so many ways. And dependent....too dependent on her momma.

I remind her that my death is inevitable and that she must face the fact that someday, she will have to live without me. She must learn to be strong and know that she can make it through life on her own. I recommended that she read Dr. Phil's book, Real Life, in which he says we can be better prepared to deal with what he calls the 7 most (common) challenging days of life, when we recognize and prepare ourselves NOW for the fact that we all will be faced with life's doom and gloom at some point on our journey.

It's taken me a very long while, but I am finally beginning to live my life with the wisdom this 19 year old college student named Veronica Shoffstall had when she wrote these beautiful words, back in 1971.......


After a While


After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much, so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure, you really are strong, you really do have worth, and you learn and you learn, with every goodbye, you learn.

Tim McGraw-Let it Go

If you've never heard this beautiful song about letting go of the past, sung by Tim McGraw, take a few minutes and listen to this wonderful message.

Saturday 9

This meme is from Crazy Sam's blog, Saturday 9.

1. What was the best thing that happened to you personally in 2008?

This year will go down in my book as the absolute worst and best times of my life, for so many reasons! However, the very best thing that happened to me personally was reaching out to Al-Anon and the spiritual growth that I've experienced as a result of the program and my conscious decision to "Stop the Insanity!"

2. What was the worst thing that happened to you personally in 2008?

The family fallout that caused me to "think" my way into the depths of utterly devastating despair!

3. What was the best thing to happen to all of us in 2008?

The gasoline prices dropping dramatically after an all time nationwide high!

4. What was the worst thing to happen to all of us in 2008?

Duh...the economy. The effects are felt worldwide and extremely close to home for so many of us. The mortgage and banking crises, the stockmarket crash, the lack of jobs, increases in the cost of groceries, utilities, gasoline, etc. It's all dismal and scary.

5. What was the best gift you received during the ’08 holidays?

A telephone call from a friend in need of my help. It blessed us both.

6. What was the best gift (most appropriate or best received) you gave during the ’08 holidays?

I hope a "Secret Santa" gift of cash I gave to someone in obvious need was helpful and well received.

7. Do you have any regrets about what you did in 2008?

Sure..a few, just involving things I said, even though it was the way I sincerely felt....when I should have kept my mouth closed. It's really just learning experiences, after all.

8. Do you have any regrets about what you didn’t do in 2008?

A couple, I guess. I could have been better about paying a couple of bills in a more timely fashion, when it was just laziness and apathy that allowed me to slack off. I am not always good about answering the telephone when certain people call, and I regret that I am not better about spending a few minutes with them on the telephone, when they care enough to call me.

9. Did you meet anyone that became important to you in 2008?

My Al-Anon "family" has become very important to me because they share their stories, hope and strength which is so inspiring and helpful to me in my journey.

Letting Go of the Past and Moving Forward.....

I've read Eckhart Tolle's powerful book, A New Earth over and over again, trying to ensure that I keep his message about consciousness forefront in my mind. This excerpt/story really hits home for me, and maybe with some of you as well.




The inability or rather unwillingness of the human mind to let go of the past is beautifully illustrated in the story of two Zen monks, Tanzan and Ekido, who were walking along a country road that had become extremely muddy after heavy rains. Near a village, they came upon a young woman who was trying to cross the road, but the mud was so deep it would have ruined the silk kimono she was wearing. Tanzan at once picked her up and carried her to the other side.

The monks walked on in silence. Five hours later, as they were approaching the lodging temple, Ekido couldn't restrain himself any longer. "Why did you carry that girl across the road? he asked. "We monks are not supposed to do things like that."

"I put the girl down hours ago," said Tanzan. "Are you still carrying her?

We can learn to break the habit of accumulating and perpetuating old emotion by flapping our wings, metaphorically speaking, and refrain from mentally dwelling on the past, regardless of whether something happened yesterday or 30 years ago. Nothing ever happened in the past that can prevent you from being present now; and if the past cannot prevent you from being present now, what power does it have?



Once I started to make peace with my recent past, by forgiving myself and others and now that I sincerely try to live just in the moment, I've found that life is starting to make a lot more sense and it's not nearly the "struggle" that I had thought. I let go; quit hanging on for dear life and instead, life is unfolding as it should, without my help. I am no longer stressing over what may or may not be up ahead! I am finding new meaning in the cliche' "Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans!"

It's become easier to just enjoy my abundant blessings and the people that I cherish in this world. Those utterly simple things that mean so much in life......movies that I wouldn't be able to sit through a few years ago because I couldn't quiet my mind and body long enough; holding hands, thoughtful gifts from my children, my grandson's sweet, little 2 year old voice on the telephone and a photo of my newest and healthy grandson within hours of his birth, the announcement of a new baby in the near future for my brother and sister-in-law, a quiet snowfall during Christmas Day, a plate of home-cooked food brought to me after a gathering I didn't attend, the joy on the face of my loved ones when they saw their special Christmas gifts, my ability to stay out of little spats with my girls....all this and so much more is what I think "peace of mind" is all about. It's something that I have to consciously work at, but it's way better than where I was at a few weeks ago!

Wishing you all peace!




I took this photo in the snow on my deck the other day, using one of my Christmas decorations. I thought it was perfect for this entry but I couldn't get it the right size, it's either too big or too small! If you're wondering why the snow looks red, it's because I edited the photo to have a tint of soft red around the edges.

Merry Christmas!

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas with those you love.

We're having a beautiful white Christmas for the first time that I can recall since I moved up to this mountain, nearly 28 years ago. Today's first weather report said it wouldn't snow at our 4000' elevation, but Mother Nature fooled 'em again and we ended up with a couple of inches after all. We enjoyed a yummy Christmas dinner while watching giant snowflakes fall softly. I will always remember this Christmas as one of my best.

Wishing you Christmas Blessings and praying for Peace on Earth!

Wishing you and yours a beautiful holiday!

I'm hanging out with Cave Man tonight. It's going to be a very memorable Christmas and we don't need no stinkin' mistletoe! ;)

Ohhhhh Santa Baby!!!

According to some, I've not been very good this year.

I have spoken my mind about things I think are really, incredibly stoopid....when I probably could have sucked it up and kept my BIG mouth shut. I'm sure it would have made for much better family relations and perhaps kept me from being kicked out of my DIL's top friends on her MySpace. So, for Christmas would you please consider bringing me an extra dose of self-control, so I can refrain from expressing my displeasure when people do or say things that I don't think are fair, kind, reasonable or loving. In exchange, I will let you decide who's been naughty or nice and you can handle it as you see fit. How's that?



Oh, and I want to again express my gratitude for last year when you allowed me to sit on your lap and hug your neck for that silly photo. What meant the most was the fact that you didn't even gasp or groan in agony when I sat down, and you said that you often had kids that weighed more than me crawl up on your lap. I didn't believe it for a minute, but that was really kind of you! In all honesty, I really don't care for candy canes so would you please consider giving us bigger kids something chocolate in the future? Well, maybe not because I am heavier now than I was last year and chocolate is my weakness. I think it became a serious problem about the time it was announced that dark chocolate, my favorite...is actually good for us because it contains lots of important antioxidants. I believe it was about that time that I tumbled off the diet wagon. If you'd be so kind, this year I'd like a serious dose of will power to get my weight under control and actually exercise a little more than just lifting the fork to my mouth!

And..if you recall when I sat there on your lap last December, I simply asked you for a man for Christmas. Why did you laugh? I didn't think it was such an unreasonable request, but you came through after all. Well, sort of. Anyway, I think I got a little too excited when all of a sudden I got to hang out with a real life guy....specifically Cave Man, after being somewhat, well extremely out of practice. Really, I am very thankful for the time I've spent with him, for our friendship and for the learning experience. I know I've got a long way to go, but if you could just provide me with a little more strength and courage to let all things in my life unfold as they should; I'd be ever so grateful.

I promise to be really, really good this coming year.

Lisa

Is Febreeze safe for color-treated HAIR?

Come closer. Does my hair smell like cigarettes to you?



My coat sure does. Ick.

I am so glad I quit smoking 20 years ago.

They say there's nothing worse than being a reformed smoker; except for maybe being the odd woman out, held captive in a house with THREE chain smokers, because you brought the game they wanted to play. Yeah, I thought it would be somewhat awkward to run out SCREAMING the minute I saw that all three of them were going to LIGHT UP, in the house, at the SAME time.

I'd forgotten that the hostess was a smoker when I accepted the invitation, and it just didn't occur to me that she or anyone else would actually smoke inside HER HOUSE, because my Bunco friends who smoke...do so outside! During. dedicated. smoke. breaks.

I am just so sheltered anymore.

But, because I was once a totally inconsiderate smoker and I sooooo understand addiction to nicotine and other substances; and I was wearin' my big girl "granny panties".... I was on my best behavior...::cough::....last night during a rousing game of LEFT, RIGHT, CENTER, played for quarters I might add!

And....I came home 10 bucks ahead!

Now...I am going Christmas shopping.

Really, I am.

My 2nd Grandchild is Here!

Fly Boy and Fall Girl delivered a healthy baby boy, at 1246 hours this (Sunday) morning; December 21, 2008 at Ft. Campbell!

Mom and baby are doing well, as is the very proud Daddy! The birth was described as "easy" and she's feeling well enough to head right home, which is unlikely to happen for at least a few hours!

Baby "Kellen" was 8 pounds and 12 ounces, and measured 21 inches in length, with a full head of hair! According to his father, he looks like his "big" brother did at birth, "but cuter with less of a cone head!"

I'm so glad I didn't say that.

I'm STILL procrastinating........

Just taking a few minutes here before I get ready for the big night out with the girls, to complete Patrick's Holiday Edition of the Saturday Six, because, well...it's Saturday.




1. On an average year, how many days before Christmas do you generally finish your Christmas shopping?

Well....obviously this isn't an average year, but believe me...much sooner than 4 days prior to the big day like I am doing this time.

2. Is the economy making you spend any less on gifts this year, or are you spending about the same?

Yes...way less. Perhaps I am being more sensible? Perhaps my children have been naughty. Actually, some of both.

3. What part of the Christmas scene do you find the most chaotic? What part do you generally worry most about?

I find it very distressing to go to the post office to mail gifts to my family out of state. In fact, I've been known to drive half-way down the mountain to go to a little po-dunk Post Office that no one ever thinks about, just to avoid standing in line at our SLOW and extremely crowded post office. But, I've procrastinated on even doing that this year. Besides, I don't have any gifts to mail them, yet.

4. Take the quiz: What Movie is Your Christmas Most Like?

No, thank you! I am not procrastinating that much.

5. What Christmas movie is your favorite? Which one is your least favorite?

My all time favorite is...It's a Wonderful Life! The first time I saw it, I was rethinkin' my thinkin' and believing I might actually have a purpose in this world. Least favorite...only because I think the animation is pretty creepy, but I like the movie...Polar Express!




6. What Christmas tradition from years past do you miss the most now?

Every year my mother would buy and wrap Life Saver's Storybooks for us at Christmas. It's a tradition I carried on with my kids, until I discovered that the old rolls of half-eaten Life Savers in their dresser drawers were drawing hoards of ants. I now do the same thing with the little boxes of Whitman's Samplers. They get eaten in nothing flat.

I've decided to shop tomorrow........

Well...I just got an invitation to to go to dinner and play cards with the girls tonight!

That Christmas shopping drudgery can wait 'til then.

Or Monday.

Maybe.

It's time for some Christmas shopping!

Shopping is better than sex. If you're not satisfied after shopping you can make an exchange for something you really like.

~Adrienne Gusoff

I do my best work under pressure. Geez. Is it really only 5 days until Christmas?



It's Saturday morning, even though it says above that I posted this on Friday. I actually just saved the quote then.

Anyway. Last night I managed to make the rounds of the few places we have to choose from here in town to pick up a couple of gifts and today, I will head down the mountain and finish it up. Maybe, just maybe I will start feeling that Christmas spirit.

When it comes to Christmas shopping, I am normally not this late as I've usually done most of my shopping online, at least by the first of December. There's nothing like shopping in your jammies. Although, this year I just couldn't get it together to even accomplish that. I used to be the type that would go wayyyyyy overboard and feel that if it wasn't for me, NO ONE in this family would have a Christmas.

This year, I am at the opposite end of the scale, feeling like it would be really nice if the Christmas Gods would shine down on me and my family and just MAKE it happen, since I am not really feelin' it, nor do I have the energy to accomplish it all. But, I am very grateful that we've been invited to a dear friend's house for Christmas Dinner. Since they have little kids, that ought to make it fun; because I am really missing my grandson and the joy that he brings me.

Well, I am off to be one of those last minute Christmas shoppers! Wish me well as I make my way through the crowds!

Be Nice to Me.....please!

Yes...I am in teenage HELL.

I decided to write this entry to clarify some issues involving my teenage daughter and yesterday's extremely flippant entry in which I referred to her as Little Miss Cheech, in reference to her apparent and regular use of marijuana.

Perhaps I can explain where I currently stand concerning this matter as some of you may believe I have totally lost my mind when it comes to the science of parenting and my responsibilities. In my defense, this is my 4th teenager (I shudder when I think of that) and I am so very tired...tired to the bone. I am not asking for pity. I am just sayin'!

However, I realize I still have a job to do. So, with the help of my dear therapist (who I wish could be my new BEST FRIEND FOREVER); who conveniently specializes in all matters of drug/alcohol and codependency, Al-Anon, and my Higher Power, I am currently in the process of figuring out how to NOW handle my 17 year old, still slightly-troubled kid, who comes complete with a few mental health problems and serious Native American addictive personality traits who is NOW ONLY self-medicating with nicotine and THC. (Whew! Is that a run-on sentence?)

Believe me. We've come a very long way. It's almost cause for celebration.

So, briefly here goes.

Is she smoking marijuana on a regular basis? Yes, I believe daily; however not in my home. She openly admits it and I don't have to waste money on home drug tests. Because I know about and acknowledge her marijuana use, I am better able to deal with the fact that my kid's addicted to the substance and a really ugly acting alcoholic IF she indulges in firewater!

Do I like it? HELL NO!

Do I allow her do come into my home under the influence of marijuana? Yes, because I love her very much, she lives here (damn it) and as I said, I am still working with my therapist and on my own issues to decide the next step and setting the NEW boundaries in my home. Also, when you first become a member of Al-Anon, they suggest you don't make any immediate changes with the alcoholics and addicts in your life until you...(meaning me) are better equipped emotionally. And..I am still in the process of allowing God to restore my sanity, which has been seriously missing in action for quite awhile now!

So, it is what it is. If it appears that I am turning a blind eye to my daughter's current use of marijuana, that's sorta true...for right now. It's much better that I do that, than be the really crazy, hostile, victimized, hurting, sad, depressed and angry Mom, who felt like a complete and utter parental failure, who came this :: close to being a suicide statistic.... that I was a few short months ago.

Rather than rewrite the history that's already been recorded here, if you get time, read some of my older entries, even those from the past few years. "We", my late father and I've gone through a lot with my two youngest children, who are adopted, by the way. Adoption, in itself poses another whole set of issues for some kids.

Maybe, by reading this and some of those older entries, you will have a sense of what it's like to walk in my holey moccasins, one scary day at a time!

In all honesty, I'd much rather joke about a "roach clip" than submit to my normal tendency to have a huge "pity-party." I just think I deserve that!

And.. I think God has a special place in Heaven for Mothers who've struggled with children like mine!

This I believe!

Now...I am off to the Friday afternoon Al-Anon meeting, if it hasn't been cancelled due to weather!

California's Winter Wonderland

Okay....so maybe I was a little premature in pooh-poohing our little Winter snow storm.

They've closed every major highway in, out and around here due to MORE snow. I am sure that people in the Los Angeles area are ecstatic and enjoying the fact that people from the North can't get anywhere near there due to road closures. They may even be able to reduce their bumper-to-bumper freeway commute time by 5 minutes or so. There's a plus side to everything! And...school's still closed. It looks like our kids will have a 3 week Christmas break!

Our situation is still mild compared to anything you people who live where you REALLY get snow would experience, but it's damn near crippling to us Californians. However, it's very scenic. I would insert a photo here, but that would entail me getting out in that wet stuff and messing up my pretty brown Uggs. Yeah, like that's going to happen!

We were suppose to be heading down the mountain this morning to a Cardiologist appointment for Tam, however..it looks like that's NOT going to happen either. They said we could be as late as 9:30, but the road's still closed. Tam started to panic as this is an appointment she really needs, and I calmly reminded her that we could reschedule if necessary and I then said....."Don't have a heart attack!

A poor choice of words, I'm sure.

Things said around CW2sMom's House Lately......

Me: (while holding a small, bronze colored object with alligator teeth, reminiscent of something I very faintly recall from the late 60's, found on the table in our foyer)...."Ummmm...Did someone happen to lose a roach clip?"

Later...

Ab: (with conspicuously bloodshot eyes) "Mooooommmm! Have you seen my cell phone? Dude...I can't find my effin phone!"

Two days later....

The cellphone is still missing. I think it went the way of her very expensive iPod. Personally, I think they are both in hiding from Little Miss Cheech and her boyfriend Chong.

I am actually genuinely happy about that! ::evil grin::

It's about time someone other than me had to experience some life lessons in cause and effect!

Peace Man!

Winter Weather Woes

Oh........the weather outside is frightful!



We've had the brunt of our Arctic Winter snow storm that we've been warned about and wringing our hands over for days now. Over the past 30 hours or so we've had a whopping total of 3-5 inches of the pretty powdery stuff!

Maybe that much.

In this sleepy little California mountain town, we always treat the threat of snow as a possible terrorist attack or at the very least a natural disaster of major proportions. We act like it's NEVER happened before!

EVER!

The schools have been shut down and boarded up for two whole days, much to the delight of my high schooler who's been aspiring to become the first in our family to attain the proud distinction of obtaining a GED instead of a diploma, anyway!

I'll tell you how bad our storm is, last night they cancelled the Al-Anon meeting/holiday potluck! Can you imagine?

And...I just got off the telephone with a friend who's hosting our monthly Bunco game, which was supposed to be held tonight. It's now postponed until next week!

I shudder, recalling my days as a prison Watch Commander, remembering how damn hard it was to get people to come to work in our 24 hour operation in the snow. If only I had a quarter for every time I uttered the phrase...... "Inclement weather is NOT an excuse for NOT coming to work!"

Idiots!

Yeah...we're all a bunch of sissies-with four wheel drive vehicles, I might add!

I like to blame all this big winter-time fuss on the flat-landers who've moved up here from sunny Los Angeles, (thanks to an article in Sunset Magazine about how this place is one of the best kept secrets for a "wonderful small-town lifestyle" in California) and ruined our peaceful little town with "Big Box" stores and their road rage tendencies while driving!

Snow or not!

Really, we should be embarrassed. You people who REALLY get SNOW and ICE storms would find it hysterical that we'd even get a little up in arms over our smattering of chicken feather flakes that make us picture postcard perfect, and lasts for oh, say.....a day.

Maybe.

We have a nifty motto for our town; "The Land of Four Seasons" and we've always joked that sometimes we get all four seasons in one day!

Right now, true to our motto....it's sunny and all our snow is melting fast. But, give it a little while and we'll turn it into a pending flash flood!

I am heading for higher ground!

The Life and Death of Computers and Stoopid Criminals!

It's been a swell couple of days for computer issues. On Saturday afternoon, while I was trying to make my way through the crowds shopping for winter snow storm provisions in my friendly Albertson's grocery store, I got a somewhat urgent sounding telephone message from my friendly computer repair people asking me to call "as soon as possible." Hmmmmm, I thought, "This can't be good!"

Being the procrastinator that I am, I figured they were getting somewhat perturbed at me for not picking up the new external hard drive that they diligently worked on to transfer all of the uber important stuff off my dying laptop, which they were unfortunately unable to save from going to Computer Heaven. So, I dropped off the load of groceries; enough to endure an Alaskan winter and shamefully headed off to see the computer peeps.

As I guiltily walked in the door, I said lightheartedly, "Don't pay the ransom, I've been released and I am finally here to pick up my stuff!"

We all had a nice little chuckle, then Kathy, one of the owners said, "Well...that's why I called! The store, one little block away from the Police Station was burglarized last night and they stole 5 laptops, including yours!"

But, she said, the good news was that they didn't steal the new external hard drive, which was worth way more than my poor, elderly laptop that had been stripped of all things Lisa, and given it's solemn Last Rites!

Ha!

SUCKAS!!!!!

Try pawning that jewel of a laptop.....Einstein!

And....for much deserved penance, I guess.......probably because I was seriously and gleefully gloating over the fate of really stupid criminal types who, in this jolly Holiday season would have the horrible misfortune of stealing 5 laptops in various state of disrepair during these tough economic times -GUESS WHAT happened to smug little me......

THE HOME PC CRASHED early yesterday afternoon!

Fortunately...I'd already purchased a replacement laptop and here I sit!

Ha!

It's Her Party and She'll Cry if She Wants to.....

Well, my spoiled rotten Birthday Girl is in a little pissy snit for some reason this evening. I have no idea why, but the boyfriend is nearby, patiently trying to cheer her up, while giving her a suitable amount of disgustingly sweet baby talk.

YOU POOR MEN!

That kind of shit is exactly why I am so glad I am not a man or gay, and another reason why I probably did so well working in a job field that was male dominated.

There's no damn way I'd be putting up with that crap!

Women can be such pains in the arse.

So, right now we're all waiting around to see if she's going to join us for HER birthday dinner at the restaurant of HER choice, or have the Birthday Cake that SHE specified....white cake with chocolate frosting, that I went out in freezing Winter Wonderland of spitting snow to buy.

Personally, after making a concerted effort to find out what her issue is and getting "NOTHING" as a response, I've detached with LOVE.

Whatever. She's not going to ruin my Saturday night. They teach us that nifty stuff in Al-Anon.

And...I will be eating some of that cake and ice cream too!

She can have some too......or not.

In closing, we as parents need to remember these famous words of wisdom by Lisa Simpson...

You can't create a monster, then whine when it stomps on a few buildings.

Oh yeah......I own it! :)

Hey, it is....................

No, damn it. I don't have a date.

But, Ab's going on her FIRST real date tonight! Yep. She's going to be 17 tomorrow and this is her first official date. I am so proud and so excited that I can hardly stand it!

She's had this boyfriend for a few months now and he's not her first boyfriend. But, this one is serious and they do this relationship stuff a little bit different than when I was growing up!

And..actually, this is the first time the boyfriend has had a little extra cash in his pocket to take her out on the town. So they're going to dinner and a movie!

While Ab was at school today he asked me if I thought "Twilight" was a good 'date' movie. "Oh, for sure!" I said. "You will score major boyfriend points with that little chick-flick, my man!" and he flashed a big smile. "Better yet" I told him, "Don't even mention where you are planning to go for dinner or what movie you are taking her to see. Girls LOVE it when their men think of stuff like that all by themselves!"

I am the "designated date driver!" Cute, huh.

I think it's a serious sign of maturity that as teenagers they're even willing to get in the car with me and be dropped off in the family "sedan" without being absolutely mortified like "we" would have experienced a couple of years ago.

So, I guess there's hope for her after all! My baby girl is growing up!!

A Legacy of Giving.......

In the December 7-13, 2008 edition of American Profile magazine, I found a very touching story of annual Christmas kindness; dating back to 1894, in Yellow Springs, Ohio. You may have also read the story as this little magazine is often a supplement in some newspapers.

This simple act of kindness by a former slave, makes a huge difference in the lives of many people in that town, and it just involves a bag of flour and a bag of sugar!

From the article......

Shortly before his death (at age 82) that year (1894), a former slave, named Wheeling Gaunt deeded nine acres of farmland to the village with the stipulation that rent from the land be used to buy flour to give to widows at Christmas. Though the property no longer is rented, village taxpayers continue to honor Gaunt’s wishes and since the 1950s have even sweetened the holiday gift with sacks of sugar.

“We’ve always honored this tradition and always will,” says Village Clerk-Treasurer Deborah Benning, whose family has lived in Yellow Springs since the early 1800s. “We take responsibility for each other here. We care about each other.”

Last December, Gaunt’s generous idea once again wrapped the village of 3,761 people in holiday spirit as the Yellow Springs Public Works crew delivered 10 pounds of flour and 10 pounds of sugar to each of the 110 widows in the community. “They’re always happy to see us coming,” says Public Works Superintendent Kelley Fox, who heads the annual giveaway and has helped make the deliveries for 24 years.

Many of the women who receive the gift of sugar and flour, are in need of it as they are on fixed incomes. One widow gave her annual allotment to a family who'd lost everything in a fire. Others make candy, cookies, and specialty breads for gifts to share with family and friends.

Remember though....

Okay...enough silliness!

Mr. Gaunt would no doubt be proud to know his legacy has helped that many people for over 100 years! He was an amazing man and despite early life of hardship; he aquired several pieces of property and was one of the town's wealthiest people when he passed away.

So, I got to thinking what I would do, IF I decided to do something similar for my beloved hometown. I say "decided" because I know I can do anything, ANYTHING...I want, with the right attitude and determination.

Here's what I came up with!

I thought it would be really cool to provide every child a decent digital camera when they attained the age of say....11, 12 or maybe 13 years old; picking that age range because at least they aren't quite at that "too cool" stage to participate in this next part. (Of course I'd have to decide exactly what age they'd get the camera, when working out the details!) With the camera, I would include a request that they go out and take some photographs with their amazing young eyes, of something they find interesting in our town or the people in it, and that they provide City Hall with a few of their best shots, for the historical value.

Maybe 50 or a 100 years from now...those photos would be displayed or possibly turned into murals, such as we're doing now throughout our town. Wouldn't that be cool? Plus, I think the kids would love having a camera to snap photos of friends and family and explore their creativity via photography!

So........................

What would you do IF you were able to create such a legacy....in your city, hometown or for any particular group/cause?

Just say "Yes!"

Over at J-Online's wonderful blog, she's doing a Paying it Forward...."quasi-giveaway" that I decided to take part in and I hope you take part in mine here!!

The giveaway part actually comes from you, and you, and you.

The rules, such as they are, are really quite simple:

1. Be one of the first three bloggers to leave a comment on this post, where the first word in the comment is YES! By saying yes, you signify you want to participate in this giveaway. Being one of the first three to say yes will then entitle you to a Homemade/Creative gift from ME! In my humble opinion, I really think you'll enjoy what I send you!

2. You must post this challenge on your blog, meaning that you then must pay it forward, creating a handmade gift for the first three bloggers (actually the first three who say YES!) who leave a comment on YOUR post about this giveaway!

3. The gift that you make and send to your three friends can be in any price range and you'll have 365 days to make/ship your item. This means you should be willing to maintain your blog at least until you receive your gift and have shipped your gifts, and, remember: it’s the spirit and the thought that counts!

4. When you receive your gift, please feel free to blog about it, sharing the appropriate Linky Love!

If you are not one of the top three commenter's on today’s post, you’re still a winner in this time of grace and giving. Please take this symbol of the seasonal spirit and post it on your blog; start your own pay it forward chain, and encourage your bloggy friends to do the same!

Who wants to be the recipient of something absolutely special from me?

PS- I will be sending my special creative gift sometime early in 2009, AFTER the holiday season to take the pressure off myself and anyone else who would like to participate!

Janice, Oprah and ME.......

I just love Oprah. Not in the same way that I love Ellen, because I think we're talking apples and oranges in comparison, but I really do love Oprah. I love her drive and her propensity for taking risks, her giving nature, her on-going quest for improving her spirituality and the fact that she's a "real" believeable woman, who just happens to be famous.

Anyone who'll sit there and tell you how her incredibly beautiful shoes are "just for show" because any sensible woman wouldn't actually try to walk in those mo-fos has GOT to be real. (I know..it's NOT a terribly important concern when there's some serious issues affecting us humans on this planet..but entirely truthful nonetheless!) To cry, openly and shamelessly when talking about the recent loss of her beloved pets and their impact on her life, is heartwarming and very honest.

AND....For this woman to get in front of millions of people and talk about her continuing struggle with the ups and downs of weight loss and the fact that she finds comfort in eating and LOVES to eat, is REAL. It takes some serious guts to say you now tip the scales at a HEFTY 200 pounds and how you feel like a cow, while wanting to just throw in the towel on this day-to-day struggle with food addiction and exercise...uggh.

I can totally relate as a woman who's literally been there; from my young dark days with anorexia...to seriously getting over THAT and ending up on the opposite end of the (groaning bathroom) scale. Pun intended.

Call me "shallow" and a Pollyanna if you will but I choose to think of her as real as they come, despite the fact that she's a very wealthy, successful television "personality."

"When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will."


~Abraham Lincoln (Inscription on Pollyanna's locket; a gift from her father.)

So this morning, I got a big chuckle out of the latest entry on the Our Lady of Weight Loss blog on Belief Net, authored by Janice Taylor, who is a Weight Loss Coach and Certified Hypnotist, author, artist and motivational speaker.

Janice wrote this, slightly edited...

Some time ago, I wrote Oprah a letter and posted it on her website.

"Dear Oprah," I wrote, "If I can permanently remove over 50 pounds, so can you. Why don't you come and visit with me. Stay a week. I'm willing to bet you'll lose weight. And it's not like I'm starving myself or doing much exercise either. It'll be fun."

After I sent this note via her website, I totally freaked out. I mean, what if she actually showed up? Without warning? She does that kind of surprise stuff on her show. What if the house were a mess? Would she sleep on an air mattress? What about the floors? They needed to be buffed up for sure!

I got so wound up and caught in the web of my own fantasy that I actually ran out to Bed Bath and Beyond and stocked up on cleaning fluids and a Swiffer floor cleaning kit. It's still in the closet. Floors still in need of polish!

So, when I read in today's AP article that Oprah weighs 200 pounds and she's embarrassed about it, I had the same urge to reach out.

So here goes ... Oprah, if you are reading this, seriously ... come and visit with me. I'm in NYC, in fact, around the corner from Maya, so we can all hang together. I'll make huge batches of vegetable soup. Are you good at chopping? Because I'm not.

We can walk around the park, go to the post office together. And watch Oprah at 4 p.m. together. How funny would that be!

And I am willing to bet you whatever it is that you'd like to bet that if you stayed with me, a 50 pound big-time-loser, you'd be a loser, too!

Oprah, If I can, you can. For goodness sake. Come! Stay! We'll talk; we'll walk; we'll eat fruits and vegetables; we'll laugh it up while we slim down together.

I'm taking a risk, you know, by posting this. Oprah could show up. I better get crackin' and cleanin'!

Spread the word ... NOT the icing,

Janice

As Janice's blog had an area for comments, I wrote this (below) in response, with all sincerity. I figured if she could invite Oprah...what's the harm in inviting a few more people. Like me. Let's make it a party! I could seriously use some fun about now. And..since Janice said to spread the word, I'm getting to spreading it!

Here goes.............


Janice! How about making it a week long pajama party!

PUHLESE!!!!

::jumping up and down and raising my hand::

INVITE ME!!!

Wouldn't that be the ULTIMATE in a life changing, "feel good" girl's week?! You could feed me cardboard slathered in hummus..for the whole time (which I know you wouldn't, but I am just sayin') and I would buff your floors just for the exercise...in order to attend! Heck..assign us all a section for the aerobic benefits...I am not above it and I am sure Oprah's not either!

Let me know what works for you and Oprah! Have Maya check her calendar too! Let's get going on this people!!

Lisa



(Yeah...go ahead and sit there and laugh! I'll post the photographic evidence when I get back!)

Pfffffttttt! Doubters!

Think I'm kidding? Check out the first comment on this post! Seeeeeee!!!

Don't just DO something! Sit there!

A word to the wise ain't necessary. It's the stupid ones who need advice. ~Bill Cosby

No one can ever accuse me of NOT giving things the good ol' college try!



Seriously. Ask Cave Man...I guess I about wore him out with my tweaked emotional reasoning and wishful thinking, over the past couple of months. So, of course I continue to think and reflect on my behavior, motivation, distorted thoughts and fears and look for patterns. If I were able to give a name to this particular little episode of my unfolding life, I think "Fools Rush In" would fit nicely!

However, I would like to think that little ordeal was more of a symptom of my unconscious thoughts and the fact that I've been spinnin' about like a shiny new Christmas top, than a true snapshot of how I'd normally handle things.

When I was a supervisor and a manager in my career, I made it my personal policy to never go into a new position with the attitude that I...experienced prison supervisor extraordinaire ....had to rush in and "fix" everything or change things for the sake of feeling like I was "doing something!"

Additionally, I strongly discouraged my subordinate staff from doing the same when they arrived on the scene; since corrections staff and inmates tend to get their panties all in a bunch when you inflict ANY kind of change on them! We so like our little routines.

Instead...I'd sit back, take care of the necessary basics, stomp out the fires without upsetting the apple cart and just watch for awhile. Simple. Logical.

Once I'd learn what was working and what was NOT working, or in many cases..utterly missing from the program, I'd get to the business of "change!" Slowly. Methodically. It was the best way to handle things and my staff and the inmates greatly appreciated that from me, I'm sure.

Why do I insist on NOT handling my personal life like that? I don't wanna overuse one of my all time fav-o-rite lines from a country song..but here it is again..... "When you're spinning round, things come undone!"

I used to say "My oldest child was born breech and has been making her way through life kicking and screaming ever since!" In many ways...that's a perfect example of ME lately. "Picture, if you will"..... LIFE as the Cave Man who's dragging the woman by her hair as she's flailing about and screaming! Picture perfect, I'd say!



As it's been pointed out to me, I need to find the calm and also avoid making any serious decisions for awhile. It's not like I was gonna seriously consider accepting a marriage proposal from anyone named Bubba, but I do get "it." I know I need to s-l-o-w everything thing down. Waaaaayyyyy down. So....I am going to retreat within a little more often. Hang out in my little cave! Meditate. Write. Read. Pray. Create. Just Be.

I asked someone to be my Al-Anon sponsor last night and I feel really good about that and her as well! Today we'll spend some time getting to know one another. I selected her as she seems to be the perfect balance of fiesty, no-nonsense and compassionate and I felt I could relate to her well. It's sorta like finding the right therapist with whom you can relate. She's also a 10 year recovering alcoholic and as a codependent member of Al-Anon too, she understands both sides of the fence. That really works for me. It's going to be nice to have someone who I can relate to in this recovery process.

And now? I am off to have an "ordinary" day. Quiet and routine. Just like us prison people like it!

Veteran's Cemetery Dedication on Pearl Harbor Day...

This afternoon, despite the dark and drizzly weather which seemed so perfect for commemorating Pearl Harbor Day, I headed half-way down the mountain to the Groundbreaking/Dedication Ceremony of the Bakersfield National Cemetery!

What an incredible, inspirational experience, to be sitting among over 1000 people, including Veterans from every branch of military service, who braved the very cold weather to witness this historic day in our community.



As a military band played the hymns from each branch of the military, the Veterans were asked to stand and be recognized upon hearing their particular service song. The applause was deafening! As a military mom and daughter, I was thrilled to be there among all of them!

The dedication site was encircled by hundreds of bikers who stood while holding American Flags throughout the ceremony!



Of course, there was a long list of dignitaries who spoke and gave thanks to those involved in the project, the ceremonial shovels, plaque dedication and prayers. Then, a lone bugler played Taps and finally the Honor Guard gave a 21 gun salute which concluded the ceremony.



This new National Cemetery is located near Bakersfield, California on 500 acres, in Kern County which was donated by California's historic Tejon Ranch Company. The cemetery will serve veterans and their families well into the next century!

The first phase of construction will include facilities necessary to maintain, operate and provide burials for approximately ten years. When this phase is complete, the interment areas will include approximately 4800 full-casket gravesites, 4000 pre-placed crypts, 4000 in-ground cremation sites and 3000
columabarium niches.



This is something that we've been waiting for for several years and it's exciting to see it finally coming to fruition.

Personally, it means so much to me as next Summer I can place my late father's urn in his final resting place where he belongs, among others from this area, who proudly served their country!

The picture below is of some of the bikers leaving the ceremony with their flags!

Crash............

Recently Cave Man asked me to consider my behavior akin to being a "Bull in a China Shop!" It certainly seems apropos in my recent reconnection and subsequent interaction with him and in my failing attempts to resolve those personal crises with others that I love.

Never did I pay much attention to anything officially deemed "science" but I am now getting a pretty good lesson in cause and effect, especially in matters of the heart. I am finding that while I am thrashing around with my emotions flailing, I am shattering the good china.

One baby step forward. Two giant steps back. Trial and error. Good intentions, without the desired outcome. Expecting an honest answer, but electing to force a game of tug o' war instead.

Needle-like shards of that exploding bone china are piercing my breaking heart as I face the music, and continually reexamine my actions, reactions and emotional responses.

In the book, A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle; he talks about that "voice in the head-the incessant stream of involuntary and compulsive thinking and the emotions to accompany it" as the "egoic mind." He says it's called that as there is a sense of "I" which is our ego in every thought, memory, every interpretation, opinion, viewpoint, reaction and emotion. He says, spiritually speaking, this is unconsciousness.

As we well know, our thinking is conditioned by our past.....our upbringing, culture, experiences, etc. With that...the mind's activity consists of repetitive and persistent thoughts, emotions and reactive patterns that you will identify with most strongly. He says, "This entity is the ego itself."

My ego has been working some serious overtime. As Tolle says that egoic mind equals unconsciousness, which in layman's terms means..... I've been a walkin' zombie lately!

It's been kindly pointed out that I've lost my previous sense of calm, for which I was once widely known. Where is that self-confident woman who could direct her staff appropriately in any given emergency? The stoic Indian, who like her father in similar situations, could remain calm while batteries being thrown by inmates, were buzzing by her head? The same strong woman who was a Yard Sergeant-standing in the midst of hundreds of racially divided inmates who were ready to converge on one another for some stupid perceived slight-who'd make the correct decision for the moment, helping to diffuse the situation with just a pair of handcuffs promptly drawn from her belt for emphasis.

When she was married, my daughter would often be hospitalized for her heart condition and she'd insist on my calming presence at her bedside, preferring my company over her husbands at such a difficult time.

Where or where can that centered woman be? Or was she ever that at all? Was it all a facade?

Yesterday, as I rushed to meet my friends for lunch and running a few minutes late as usual, I arrived at the table on the verge of tears, as a wave of emotion bubbled to the surface. One of the ladies said, "Lisa, You are shaking. Sit down and breathe!"

My trigger? Memories associated with about 3 different songs I heard on the radio while getting ready for the luncheon. I couldn't shake the effects of whatever screenplay was playing in my head! Christmas...wanting it all to go away! Then a fleeting moment of wanting to end it all...yeah, that again.

Where is that calm woman now? She's been perceived as poking, prodding and pushing and while it's the truth, it greatly effects the ego mind. Is she really not on that spiritual path as she professes or did she just have a temporary derailment?

Or, is it better to be a little more compassionate with myself and say in my defense...it's only been a few months since I earnestly began this trip of self-discovery. It may be different method than what some have chosen, but I would like to think it's working...to some extent.

Is it fair to say that I am just now seeing what an incredibly flawed human I really am? I have so very far to go to find that peace and calm again, especially knowing that I may have caused irreparable harm to at least one relationship that meant so much to me.

Nothing remains the same. So, it's back to the drawing board, one day, one minute, one second at a time.

Please send me a few prayers, will ya?

Work it!

So what if my birthday was TWO days ago?

Where does it say that you can only celebrate it for one day? I am working it for as long as I can! I am making up for all those times when I was a kid, who just happened to have the terrible misfortune of having a birthday in December and I'd receive a single gift from someone who'd say, "Here. This is your Birthday and Christmas present!"

Oh...NO! Don't even think about trying that crap now! I will milk this birthday for all it's worth..even if it takes all month!

Today it was lunch and dessert with a couple lady friends downtown, at the new Mediterranean restaurant. I don't think I like Mediterranean food. But I was really grateful for the opportunity to try it.

Tonight it was dinner and dessert with another friend, where I ran into lots of folks I knew and decided to "mention" I was celebrating my birthday. I managed to get lots of nice hugs ...and God Knows..I need all of the hugs I can get right about now. Some days it's really good to be me!

In other news...........

While checking out Brandi's Excess Baggage, I noticed she'd answered these questions, often posed to guests appearing on Inside the Actor's Studio by that extremely dry host, James Lipton. How dry is James Lipton you ask?

Well, how can anyone sit next to someone who I consider a comedic genius (or a raving lunatic) like Robin Williams, who is answering these questions with total nonsense and NOT even crack a smile!



That's damn dry. I don't think I like James Lipton very much.

Anyway, not only is Brandi's blog entertaining, it's also educational as I learned all about how these questions came about, via the Proust Questionnaire.

And...here we go!

-What is your favorite word? Love. As it says in the Bible.......And the greatest of these is LOVE.




-What is your least favorite word? I really, really dislike the word FART. I don't even like to type it! I don't say it and I don't like to hear others say it or hear them when they do the dirty deed! I dislike that word about as much as the word pubic. Gag!


-What turns you on? Kindness, goodness and a loving nature, peppered with an outstanding sense of humor!




-What turns you off?



- What noise do you love? Laughter! Anyone's heart-felt laughter!



- What noise do you hate? Anyone crying in pain! I'd really have a hard time being in medicine because I am very soft-hearted.




-What is your favorite curse word? Damn it! I find it very effective, especially when I am not using the phrase..... "That's just Bullshit!"




-What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? I would love to be a graphic artist. I love the idea of pulling together words and images to create art to be used in web design, magazines or advertising.




-What profession would you not like to do? I would NEVER want to be a Mortician! I have a really hard time with sadness, loss and death. Plus I don't like anything that could be messy like that! Ick!


-If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?



"Come right through here Lisa, as there's a special place for Mothers of children like YOURS!

Oh, and look... there's all those people you love who have arrived before you! Go on, run and give them all a BIG hug, they've been waiting quite awhile!

By the way...I have a note for you from TC, saying he'd like you to stop by his little slice of Heaven once you're settled in, because he has some really interesting people he wants you to meet!"

Just give it to me straight!

"Whoever is out of patience is out of possession of his soul. Men must not turn into bees who kill themselves in stinging others." ~Jonathan Swift



One of the super-cool aspects of acquiring a new and ever-so- needed "family" backbone and following the teachings of Al Anon, is that I can finally speak my truth. I absolutely love the truth!

In most situations now, I can remain as calm as I once did when I was a hostage negotiator...with that "never let 'em see you sweat" attitude that was my mainstay.....back in the day.

Despite the fact that my blog is entitled, "Wearin' My Heart on My Sleeve," It's only been in the past five years or so, that I became able to "share" my feelings...and granted, not always in a healthy way.

When one continues to bite their tongue, or is frantically stuffing down anger, perceived or intentional slights, hurt and disappointments it can eventually rise to the top causing a caustic eruption, not unlike Mount St. Helens or it can sink to the bottom of the wounded soul, pulling you further in to the depths of the abyss. I have roller-coasted between the two extremes for a few years now, without knowing how sick I'd become, until recently.

Thank God I had my AOL journal as alternate means of expressing what was happening in my out-of-control life, because it probably saved a few of those close to me from seeing what could be that really ugly side of me when I finally decided to "let 'em have it!"

However, just for clarification and in my defense, I'd like to say that I was never intentionally cruel to others, rather.....when I did blow my top, I was expressing how I felt in NO uncertain terms and/or maybe setting down some boundaries or providing some much needed expectations...depending on the recipient, of course. I was damn good at it too! I had superb training! Working in a prison for as long as I did, taught me the fine art of providing a pretty dramatic "tightening up" whenever it was necessary!

But....the cold, hard, buried and sometimes slightly distorted truth can be frighteningly appalling to some. And..since it's my nature to be forgiving and understanding, letting by-gones be by-gones with an "Okay, I feel soooooooo much better now now that I've got that off my chest!" attitude, boy was I shocked when I found out that other people were keeping MAJOR scorecards.

I have mentioned in previous entries that we've been somewhat estranged for the past 5 months, due to a situation that ultimately turned into an intervention of sorts, where they elected to place some "distance" between our two families. I respected their wishes and did not make any contact with them, with the exception of a small bit of positive news, via email... like when I had my recent photo published. However, in the last month or so, Fly Boy has reached out via the telephone on occasion and we've had some chatty calls of relative unimportance. But, thankfully I did get to hear my 2 year old grandson's sweet little voice for the first time..in a long time... on Thanksgiving Day when Fly Boy called to wish us a happy holiday. I was in Heaven!

I felt Fly Boy had extended the olive branch, especially when he ended one call with "Don't be a stranger Mom!" to which I said "What?" asking him to repeat it for good measure!

As a result of the contact he initiated, I decided it might be a good idea if we could try once again to resolve the problems that were keeping us from enjoying a somewhat "normal" family relationship and I elected to make a move toward that goal.

So, I made the decision to travel to Nashville and spend the Christmas holiday, by myself in my vacation (condo) home that I bought to be nearby Fly Boy and his family. It's been my out-of-state safe haven, with a beautiful view of the Cumberland River and the icing on the cake is having my family about 15 miles away. Good for me, maybe not so good for them? I used to fly there about every 6-8 weeks until our unfortunate fall out in July.

Anyway, I recently sent an email, informing them of my plans to be in Nashville for 2 weeks, indicating I'd love to see them all, especially my newest grandson who is due to make his entrance into this world just any minute! I really just think that's kind of important. Apparently, they needed some time to mull it over as they still haven't responded to the email.

However, I raised a pretty good son, and he made the obligatory telephone call to wish me a Happy Birthday last night. It was all fun and games until I inquired about the dreaded... ::gasp:: EMAIL!

I could just about hear his head start spinning when he realized I was going THERE! I sweetly asked if they'd received my email about my upcoming trip, to which he replied yes, however they just didn't have time to respond. So....I bravely and very pointedly asked, "Well, will I be able to see you guys and the babies?"

His reply? "Uh...Mom, I can't really make any plans!"

Me: "Fly Boy, I am not asking for any specific plans. I am only asking if I may see you and the kids while I am there. I don't need to be invited to Christmas dinner, or Christmas morning, or any of your family activities. I am going to Tennessee to vacation by myself, I'd just like to see you all while I am there. Even if you limit that visit to 5 whole minutes."

Him: "Mom, I am getting ready to be deployed to Afghanistan and I am about to have a baby so I can't really make any plans."

Me-very calmly: "I am sorry Son, but maybe you have misinterpreted my email and what I am saying here now. You are sounding rather non-committal, when all I am asking for is a yes or no answer. You are holding the ball here. Again, I am just asking IF I will be able to see you all while I am there. It's really just a simple question. Yes or No?"

Him-clearly becoming irritated and frustrated: "Well, Mom..why do you have to cause all this drama? I am telling you that I can't make any plans!"

Me: "Well Son, I am simply asking for a yes or no from you. It sounds to me like you are not able to say NO, if that's the case. You are only saying you can't make any plans! There's no need to put anything in writing or in stone here as we don't even know when the baby is to arrive. So naturally we can't make any plans. But, am I going to be able to see you all, even for 5 minutes while I am there? Yes or NO. Are you saying I can't see my grandchildren or meet that new baby? Are you saying I can't see you when you will be leaving to a war zone once again in a few weeks?"

Him: "Moooommmm! Why are you making this difficult?"

Me: "Let's look at it this way Fly Boy. How about we put the shoe on the other foot for a minute and pretend you are coming to California for 2 weeks before you deploy to Afghanistan. You call me and say, 'Mom, I am coming to California for a couple of weeks, during Christmas vacation! I'd really like to see you while I am there!'

But then I say....'I really can't make any commitments son! I've got some important things going on right now, so really, I can't make any plans!' JUST HOW WOULD THAT FEEL? Wouldn't you think that I was being rather cruel, especially since you were about to be deployed to a WAR? Wouldn't you want to hear...'I can't make any specific plans but certainly I'd love to see you while you're in California. We'll definitely work out something that will work for both of us!"

Arrrrgggggggghhhhhh!!!

And...so it went.

Eventually, he squeaked out a pitiful "Yes" but by then I was almost too tired to make reservations for my flight.

(If this were an Al Anon meeting, I'd stop right here and thank you for letting me "share"! We use that word a lot!)

Right about now, I'd really like to break off a piece of my sturdy new backbone and help him put it in place! ::grin::

God love 'em!

Fifty-Five Plus One!

This morning I took Ab to school in my.....well, actually Papa's bathrobe, that I inherited. He didn't actually bequeath it to me as in...I hereby leave my daughter Lisa my extremely comfy, and slightly costly bathrobe....in the will, but I claimed it as mine when we started divvying up his stuff a few years ago.

I love my father's bathrobe because it's thick, dark terry cloth, very warm, and when I wear it I feel like I've been wrapped in his arms and I am getting a big ol' bear hug. Not that he was ever the huggy type anyway, but I assume now that he's on the "other side" that he has seen the error of his ways, has had a serious change of heart and is now sending me some comforting love via his old bathrobe.

Ab jumped in the car, still half asleep and didn't even notice my funky bedroom attire until I pointed it out, saying that "when you are 55 you can start doing that really bizarre stuff and blame it on being old!" What she didn't know is....I actually did it on purpose and will do it again if I am not stopped! Because.....I can still get some really perverse pleasure out of annoying the bejeezus out of my nearly 17 year old child, considering the mountains of grief she's given me in the past few years!

Yeah, and I am also looking forward to the day when I can be a real problem to my precious offspring. An example escapes me at the moment, but let's just say they've all got it coming!

It's just good clean family fun!