Papa's Medical Condition

Papa was released from the hospital on Saturday afternoon.  I have lost count on how many times he's been hospitalized in the past 24 months or so, for his laundry list of ailments related to Hep C, diabetes and the aging process.  It's definitely in the double digits by now. 

Poor guy!  I just don't know how much more he can take!

Wednesday night, as I was leaving work and heading to a nail appointment, he called me on my cell phone saying he needed to go to the hospital.  Calm as can be, he explains that for the past 3 days he's had chest pains (and didn't tell me!) and heart arrythmmia. 

He says he's already been in touch with our health provider, who referred him directly to the hospital emergency room, which is 45 miles away and they were expecting him.

Apparently no emergency to them, probably because of Papa's stoic nature.  It's likely he said....."Ahhhh, it's nothing.  Really, nothing....just thought I'd better get it checked!"   

The mere fact that Papa, a man, has telephoned himself about his heart, shoulda warned them that this was an EMERGENCY! 

It's a known fact that more men die from heart attacks because they are in denial about what may be happening to them!  

continued....... 

 

Papa's Medical Situation-continued

We arrive at the hospital and fill out the paper for triage, as I advise them that we are "expected."  They pooh-pooh us, and direct us to sit with the others who are awaiting their turn...the broken arms, uncomfortable screaming infants, the sore throats, hacking coughs, bloody noses and the assorted cuts requiring stitches, etc. 

Papa sits calmly until they call his name and we head in to see the Triage Nurse, who may have reacted so quickly because when I filled out line on the intake form: Reason for your visit today?.....I wrote....heart problems!  They ask if he's been to their hospital before and I deem him a "frequent flyer!"  They'll need three men and a boy to bring down his medical file!

The nurse attempts to get a blood pressure with her auto cuff.  She can't get a reading.  She tries over and over, then resorts to what she calls "Medicine 101", and uses the manual cuff and stethoscope.  NO BP!  Whoa, I think....Is that possible?  Can you be sitting there alert and oriented and not have a blood pressure?  So, she decides to listen to his heart and she jumps up and runs for assistance! 

They begin peeling off his shirt while putting on the EKG leads and walk him to an ER bed!  This gave us our first clue that they figured something serious was happening!  In the course of his three day stay.......blood tests, ex-rays, repeated EKGS, nitro, morphine, a stress-test, and angiogram.  Thankfully, a heart attack has been ruled out. 

We now know that his heart cannot take any stress, probably as a result of his overall health and general poor physical condition, and he has no blockage in major arteries.  Just some "stiff"  little arteries around the heart; attributed to diabetes.

After all the tests and stabilizing his heart rate, they release Papa with an appointment with a cardiologist next week.  We'll add that appointment to our calendar, along with the rest of the specialists he must see!

Home Remodeling

The escrow for my re-finance closed Thursday, and I picked up the "cash-out" check!  Yesssss!  On with the remodeling.....paint, flooring, new furniture, a backyard, etc!  

The remodeling has been in progress for several weeks and I have been paying bit by bit, robbing my savings in anticipation of the re-fi funds. Now we can continue full force, and order the new appliances, carpeting and flooring, that's so badly needed after 15 years of tough living.

So far, we've had two upstairs bedrooms painted and two bathrooms completely redone with new tile, faucets, towel racks, etc.  My bedroom will be next if I can find the time to move all my worldly goods in to the guest room, so "they" can get started. I just dread the thought of having to move allllll that stuff!  But, it will be worth it in the long run, since when it's completed, I will only put what's absolutely loved, necessary or functional back in there! 

I've decided that I am finally going to organize my life since you can't kick your way through here the way it stands now!  I've been afraid that I am turning into my mother with my tendency to have way tooooo many possessions and useless junk, so I am simplifying.

I had planned to completely switch out my dining room and kitchen by flip-flopping their locations.  The present kitchen is very small and definitely made for only one cook and no helpers, and there's little cupboard or counter space.  I spent a major amount of time, researching and designing the perfect kitchen, complete with every little convieniece feature I could find.  Once I got my re-fi money I planned to go order the new cabinets, but  today I used my "woman's perogative" and change my mind about such major remodeling.  

Continued...next entry

Home Remodeling-Part II

After seeing the awesome pantry that Steve (my handyman extraordinaire) created for me (in an area of previously wasted space underneath the stairs) I decided that I'd just update the present kitchen.  Besides, there's just 3 of us at home now, so there's not much sense in creating a whole new kitchen, since we may want to build a smaller home on our new lot in a few years.

This pantry is incredible.....a walk-in, with 5 shelves for canned goods and all, then room for those small appliances that you don't use all the time, like Crock Pots and Bread Makers!  We've got the fancy door on order, which will really make it a modern pantry.  It's a 24 inch wide door with etched, frosted glass with the word PANTRY on the top half, like they're using in all the model homes.  

Next we'll be refinishing the cabinets, putting in a new sink/faucet and cooktop in preparation for the new solid surface counters.  Plus a new microwave/oven combo and fridge and then......we'll be all set.

Then, I may even hafta cook! 

Naaahhhhh!  Wouldn't want to mess up a perfectly new, pretty kitchen, would I!

"Til Death Do Us Part

What’s marriage anyhow?  Just a tradition started by cavemen and encouraged by florists. — actress Olivia de Havilland, in the film The Strawberry Blonde (1941)

Both of my adult children's marriages lasted about 3 years, well...sort of.

Infidelity played a part in ending each of the relationships.  My son is now officially divorced and fortunately, it ended on fairly good terms. 

He says he is confident that he did everything he could to salvage the marriage and with that, he felt as good as one could about divorcing, considering the circumstances.

He has matured and learned to search for what he really needs and wants in his future relationships. (And..as prompted by Mom, for the special characteristics needed to be the mother of my grandchildren!)

I feel I taught him to be a good husband by treating women with respect, love and thoughtfulness.  (Additionally, I taught him how to do laundry, vacuum and do dishes!) So, I would be appalled if he ever did anything horrible to an-about-to- be-EX, like what's happening in my daughter's "marriage." 

I just don't get it, and don't think I will ever understand, why two people who loved each other enough to take a vow to spend the rest of their lives together, can give it up so easily.  Disposable marriage! 

Then they can be just downright hateful to that person that they loved enough to marry when they decide it's over. 

Done, finished! Now it's payback time for what you did to make me miserable!

continued...next entry  

'Til Death Do Us Part

Entry in Progress........

Desiderata-Part I

DESIDERATA

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
And remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly & clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull & ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud & aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain & bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than
yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing future of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.

Continued......next entry

Desiderata

Continued...............

Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity & disenchantment
it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue & loneliness.
Beyond wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees & the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors & aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery & broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

Copyright by Max Ehrmann, 1927

Riley's Massage-Part I

We were recently blessed with a two day visit from my brother, his wife, and my beautiful toddler niece, named Riley.  

I actually cooked a huge dinner.....ham steaks, shrimp scampi, macaroni and cheese (Riley's favorite food), cornbread and sugar snap peas.  Don't ask me why that particular combination of food...I just threw it all together to feed a bunch of hungry family. 

Dessert was huge banana splits and sundaes complete with whipped cream, nuts and fat red cherries.  

continued............... 

Riley's Massage-Part II

We had a fun, restful visit which included lots of laughter at the antics of Riley.  At 2 years 2 months, she is very verbal and has an outstanding ability to reason.  Her daddy said she recently surprised everyone with this comment...."I don't say shit anymore.  Now I say Oh, MY GAWD!"

The last night of the visit she was extremely over-tired, so I offered to give her a massage on her tiny hands and feet.  She decided that would be very nice! I don't know if she knew what she was in for, but she was a willing participant. 

Her mommy got her ready for bed in her pretty purple jammies, and I got the lotion and lavendar massage. We all got real comfy on the sofa.   I started with her feet and she was obviously enjoying the touch as I could see her start to relax.  Then, I started on one arm and hand and she fell deeper in to her relaxed state. 

Her mommy asked if she liked feet and hands being  massaged....in a very soft toddler voice, with half shut eyes, Riley said..."Feels gooooood!" 

We could tell that Riley was beginning to get sleepy, so I told Riley that she needed to "rest" the arm that I finished by letting it lay on her tummy!  When ever it was necessary to talk after that, we whispered softly so the arm could "rest!"  I whispered and told her to make sure that she let her feet rest quietly too, as I continued to massage her left forearm and hand.  I could see her eyes getting heavy, then flutter open and then close as she finally gave in to the restful sleep that she so desperately needed.  Her soft little arm went totally limp in my oily hand.

I "rested" her arm on her belly and her mommy and I watched her sleep peacefully, with smiles on our faces.   Her daddy came and took his very relaxed little girl upstairs to bed. 

Her Mommy, grateful for the end of a busy toddler's day said......"Oh, Thank you!" 

Really, it was my pleasure!  But I think Riley enjoyed it most of all!

Peach Blossoms

Here's a photo that I took of the peach blossoms on the tree in my yard......a favorite tree and photo!

One of My Favorite Pics of Bubba

While you can't really see him due to the light, I thought it was an especially reflective photo of him when we were on vacation, at the ocean in Northern California.

Hell Bent Hearts

Prednisone makes you emotional. Really emotional. I am already a r-e-a-l-l-y emotional person, just ask those closest to me. I can get teary-eyed over a cute commercial, words to a country song, a touching gesture, etc. This past week or so, since beginning the medication, I've had to struggle greatly to keep the dam from leakin' as I well up at life's little moments. And we've sure had our share of 'em lately.

I've written entries about Bubba, my now 17 year old adopted son, who has struggled with a lot of things during these trying teenage years, but especially drugs and alcohol. What I hadn't yet written is the story of him running away to Oklahoma to be with his "family."

The family that lost custody of him and his siblings, when he was three, as a result of a "child abuse-homocide" in the home.

That 18 month old baby who died, was my nephew and that's a whole different story. Bubba, a half-brother to that baby, has been with us and his younger half-sister since he was 8 years old, after nearly 5 years in the Oklahoma Child Protection Services.

On November 11, 2003, Bubba ran away to Oklahoma as we later found out. For three weeks, we didn't know where he was and he wouldn't contact us. It was killing his Papa and I and we finally ran him down, at his birthmother's home. Long story short, when the police found him he said that he'd run away again if we made him return to our state. So, we talked about emancipation and he didn't qualify.

We opposed and still oppose him staying in her "home" since her parental rights were terminated many years ago. A decision upheld by the very wise, Oklahoma Supreme Court. This woman has serious issues with alcohol, telling the truth and child neglect/abuse. But, understandably Bubba has ties, and claims to be extremely happy there. The other siblings eventually made their way back to her too.

Nature vs Nurture. Blood is thicker than water. Home is where the heart is...and all that stuff.

continued............

Hell Bent Hearts-Continued

I'm hurt, v-e-r-y bitter and devastated and I can't let it go. That boy means the world to us and he's rocked me to my very soul by all of this and I am not so sure that I can ever get over the hurt. And I do understand and can accept his feelings, just not the way all of this has been handled.

As an adopted child myself, I used to yearn to find my birthfather and there were many times I wished he'd rescue me from those aliens that were my "family."

A few weeks ago, we got a subpoena from her tribal court. They noticed us that they had granted her "temporary guardianship" and we "may" appear in their court and testify as to why this arrangement shouldn't be permanent. In that document she declares that she is a "fit and proper person" (hmmmm) and desires to be appointed legal guardian of Bubba's person and estate. (Of course his estate, considering she is someone who gets really excited over an annual per capital tribal check which rarely amounts to over two hundred bucks. Bubba has a savings account here!)

We've had a difficult time finding a lawyer to represent us, because she's had so many legal issues that they've dealt with, that there's always a conflict of interest. So, we asked for a postponement, until we can find appropriate counsel. When calling the court clerk, I just had to make a point by saying.."Is the court aware that this woman's parental rights were terminated by the State and the decision was upheld by the Oklahoma Supreme Court?" I have a sneaky feelin' it doesn't matter what we do or say, the Tribal Court, will do what they want. Indian laws are Indian LAW.

continued...next entry

Hell Bent Hearts-Last Entry

So despite Papa being terribly ill, Bubba's had little contact with us since he left. And out of the blue the other day, he telephoned and spoke with Papa for about a half hour. Papa told him how hurt we are, especially with the lies that his "mother" put in the petition, i.e He's missed out on so much, especially love, respect, someone to listen to him and believe in him. Those "people" accused him of being on drugs and stuff and were threatening to send him to a treatment center because of his behavior toward those persons. (Gawd, I hate being referred to as "people and persons." Also, no accusations of drug abuse necessary. He admits it, has been in rehab at his request, and we've got medical and police reports.) 

So, just how have we ended up being the bad guys here?

Our lawyer will appear for us and set the record straight.  Bubba knows the truth and so does everyone else.  It just has to be on record, for our sake, for Bubba's sake.  So he'll know that we continue to have his best interests in mind.  We've never given up, even when it would be easier to do so.

There's a song, "I Hope You Dance" by Leanne Womack that has a line...Don't let some hell-bent heart leave you bitter........

I know, as Bubba grows, he's going to realize how his actions have affected so many of those who love him, here, us, his "family!"  How we, this family, have only had his best interests in mind, loved him, spoiled him, cherished his laughter and unique personality, prepared him for life and love, given him memories and encouragement, and while we're not "his" true blood, we went over and above to protect, nurture and love him, even at times when it was very difficult.

I hope he's not hell bent, after all, because we tried our best.

I will work toward not being bitter. Swear.  I will give it my best shot.

Diet Be Damned

I've got MOON Face!

Moon face is caused by Prednisone, a medicine often used to treat inflammation. Yep, you take these tiny, nasty tasting pills for several days and then you wake up with your face all puffy and round! So, if it's supposed to treat inflammation, (which is kinda like swelling, with pain) how come it makes your face swell?

I found out......

Last night I went to my "fat" doctor, for my two week check up after getting back on my diet meds. I peeled off my coat, shoes, and jewelry, because every little bit helps. Then I s-o-f-t-l-y stepped up on the scale as if stepping lightly would make a difference.   I knew that I hadn't quite got into the swing of things with the diet again and I had been kinda hit and miss with the medication. The doctor says it takes a good week or so for the meds to reach their peak effectiveness.

But......geez....I'd gained 3 and a half pounds!     *Gasp*

Was it all in my face?

Dr. Robinson's medical assistant, with her hand firmly planted on her not so slim hip, sternly said..."OK Lisa....Whhhhhuuuuuttt happened here?"

*Gulp*

"Ummmmmm. I.....I dunno.......Um...." *panic*

continued....next entry

Diet Be Damned-Part II

"Well, recently I had to go to my regular doctor because I had some major swelling in the joints in my hand, and they think I may have Rheumatoid Arthritis. They took some blood tests and they prescribed Prednisone."

She says...."Ok, ok...so when did all this happen?"

"Ummmmm, about two weeks ago."

Snippy Medical Assistant to Doctor: "Lisa has GAINED 3 1/2 lbs! Her B/P is.......Pulse is..........Respiration....and she says she's taking some medication for Rheumatoid Arthritis.....Prednisone or something?"

Dr: Ohhhhhhhhhh Prednisone! That makes you extremely hungry and causes you to retain water, just like if you were about to have a period! No wonder you gained wait!

<MAJOR SIGH> I'm not in trouble after all!

After a short lesson in how prednisone affects the adrenal gland and causes water retention, he told me he'd call me in a prescription for a diuretic!

So.....since the doctor covered for me with his Diet Police......tonite I plan on having a BIG bowl of Butter Pecan ice cream while I can still blame it on the Prednisone!

Wet Day

It's been pouring  rain here all day!  I don't really mind rain, I just don't like to have to be out in it (cause I am made of sugar and I just might melt :) and, it's not really conducive to my mental health, diet or allergies.  I tend to get a little more depressed......want to eat comfort and depression food....kinda like putting on a winter coat of fat...and then, all the rain causes mold, which is the thing I am most allergic to in life.  Glad I don't live in Seattle or somewhere like that, because I couldn't deal with that much wet.   But, on the positive side, since we live at about 4000' the rain often turns to snow, and I like snow.  I used to really, really like snow.  Practically prayed for snow every winter day, just because it's so pretty to look at, but I really don't want to get out in that stuff either.  It's cold, wet, scary to drive in (sometimes I  get vertigo in snowflake whiteouts) and it gets tracked in the house, etc.  I'd like snow a lot better if it didn't get on the streets or sidewalks.  Wouldn't that be great?  (Hey God...How's that for a suggestion?)  Because, I am just too clumsy to be out trying to walk around in snow.  I can't even walk in broad daylight, without a slight breeze!  Just tonight I tripped on a curb at the grocery store....didn't fall, but twisted my back outta whack.  I'll be able to tell just how much in the morning.   In the 23 years I have been driving in snow, I have had enough close calls to give me a healthy respect for the dangers, so I am p-r-e-t-t-y damn careful on the road.  It's the other people that really scare me, like those flat-landers who move up here to "paradise" and drive like they're still city slickers on freeways.  OH...btw, I just bought a building lot HIGHER up on this mountain.....at just about 5000' to build my retirement home.  I guess at that time, I will just begin to hibernate in the winter!  But what a view!

Oreo's Breakfast-Part I

*YAWN*

0730-Me....stumbling out of my warm bed. Feet covered with fuzzy socks hit the floor......I make my way to the potty.

Oreo: (black and white spoiled female feline, parked outside my bedroom door, waiting impatiently for her breakfast, which is our mornin' routine) MMMEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWW (cat speak for "It's about time woman! I have been waiting here alllll night!)

Me: Rolls eyes and thinks....Geeeezzzz....can't I pee in peace! "JUST a SECOND!"

Oreo: MMMMMeeeeeeeOOOOOOOWWWWWW! (meaning....."I am getting irritated lady!")

Business accomplished, open door and head down the stairs, with Oreo right beside me, neck in neck, heading for the kitchen.

Oreo: Mmmmeeeeeeeyyyooooowwwwwww (OPEN the refrigerator, NOW!)

Good Mornin' Oreo-Part II

 

Me: "SHHHHH! Oreo, everyone's still sleepin'!"

Oreo: MeeeeeeOOOOOWWWWW! ( I don't give a rat's fanny. Where's the tuna?)

Me: Looking in fridge, moving the milk, several styrofoam take-out boxes, and the out-dated cottage cheese......panic.....where's the can of cat food.......I know I fed her some canned food yesterday morning...Where is it? Pulling out the meat drawer...No, not in the meat drawer...silly! Who'd put cat food in the meat drawer anyway? Damn, I know it's here somewhere. 

 IT's NOT!

Oreo: MEEEEEOOW MEEEOOOOWWWWW (What do you mean it's not there? Well, I don't like it cold anyway....So, go look in the pantry and get me a fresh can!) Meeeeeoooowwww!

Me: Running to the pantry......thinking this cat is going to really be difficult if I don't find some canned cat food quick......Oh, there's plenty of dry, but NO canned, Arrrggggh.....Oreo will not like this......Heading to back to the kitchen, I grab her water bowl and fill it with fresh water.

Oreo's Breakfast-Part III

Oreo: MMMEEEEEEOOOOW (GAWD, what is taking you soooo long?)

Me: Placing water bowl down in front of Oreo, who sniffs it.......and

Oreo: mmmmmmmmeeeeeooooowwwwwwwwww (WHAT THE HELL???....THAT'S WATER!)

Me: Filling up food bowl......with dry food.....gingerly set it in front of Oreo and run to my computer!

Oreo: Runs to my computer..... MMMEEEEEEOOOWWWWWWW (DRY FOOD? JUST DRY FOOD?....Where's the TUNA???)

Me: "Sorry baby...Momma's soooooo sorry....We're out of canned food...I promise I will go and get you some today! Promise.....Hey, Wanna go out and play in the fresh air? Watch the birdies? Here, lemme get the door sweetie!"

*Opens Door*

Oreo: Runs to door, peeks out, see's NO TUNA and heads back in toward the couch.......the ARM of the couch...stretches out and digs her claws into the fabric.......SCRATCH, SCRATCH, SCRATTTTTCCCHH!

Me: "Hey....Oreo, NO, No, go use your scratching post!" SCRATCH......"No".....*Throwin' a pencil toward her, hoping it will get her attention!

Oreo: MeeeeOOOOOWWWWWW.....*looking over her shoulder as she gets in one last scratch and stretch..........................

(Go back to bed...........BITCH!)

New Age Grandma-An Essay...Part I

Nobody in this world has ever had a grandma like mine! My maternal grandmother, Jeanne Katherine Meyer, born May 8, 1915 was "new age" before the term was coined.  She has been described as a cross between "Auntie Mame"  and a Nancy Reagan type, without the wealthy airs and certainly more fun!

Grandma was beautiful, with coppery red hair she got from a drugstore bottle, and hazel-green eyes that sparkled continuously. She had smooth, soft skin that never seemed to wrinkle.  It remained that way until she died, way too soon.

I think Grandma was born into a family of beautiful people. Her mother, sister and brother were equally attractive. Her brother Jack was a photographer's model in his younger days and photographs of Jack modeling the latest gentleman's hat were prominently displayed throughout the family's spanish-style home.

Vain, energetic, oddly eccentric but progressive, my grandma dressed her willowy frame in fun, fashionable clothing.  She often accented her outfit  with a colorful scarf, covering her perfectly styled hair which was plastered with so much hairspray, her "do" could survive a 40 knot wind.  Her face was made up with the finest cosmetics that she purchased from the Broadway and May Company stores in her beloved Los Angeles. When I was young, I thought Grandma was the prettiest woman alive!

 

New Age Grandma-Part II

Grandma wasn't blessed with many eyelashes, so she wore false ones that she never quite managed to secure to her eyelids! Sometimes, one of her false eyelashes would s-l-o-w-l-y start to come unglued and POP up like a fuzzy black caterpillar. We'd all roll on the floor in laughter.

Grandma, proud of her youthful appearance, took great pleasure in people thinking she was the mother of the five stair-step grandchildren who followed her around. When she was referred to as our "mother", she'd demurely flutter her flopping eyelashes and inform the offender of her proper title.

Her lovely, strong hands convinced me that she was different when she used them to perform "reflexology" on our feet. I didn't know what reflexology was, but I knew I liked it and I'd volunteer. I would sit amazed as she told me that she could tell that it had been days since I'd been to the bathroom for a "good BM!"  How she could tell that from massaging my feet, I would never know. 

Eating with Grandma was always an adventure, whether it was in a restaurant or one of her home cooked meals. Grandma was not known for her cooking, and I NEVER asked for one of her recipes! If she cooked, we conjured up visions of a witch at her cauldron, cackling as she created her soup. As children we would cringe at what ever she would place before us and call "food" because it was either unrecognizable, or made with something disgustingly "healthy" like wheat germ. She was a certifiable health food nut!  It was awful. We had to eat bread with things like grains and nuts in it! No "refined white flour" Wonder Bread for these growing kids! She made us fresh carrot juice and sandwiches made with avocado and sprouts! No white sugar on our cereal! Sugar in her house was brown! For snacks we ate dried fruit, sunflower seeds and once in awhile would get a date nut shake, made with soy milk. YUK! Child abuse, I was sure!

New Age Grandma-Part III

Grandma saw people's auras, talked about astrology signs and charts, and whose moon was in what phase. I was a "Sagittarius", she said. That's why I loved to write, draw and sing and there were "special things in store" for me, according to my chart. When we weren't with her, she would send us "loving thoughts." If we hurt ourselves, she would hold a healing hand over the wound until the pain was gone. She told us about our "guardian angel" who watched over us at all times. Every time we had a near miss as she was driving in her usual erratic manner, our 'guardian angel' was taking care of us.

She had a wonderful sense of humor and would tell me jokes that I remember to this day. As we passed a cemetery she would say, "People are dying to go there!" Grandma was educated so she made sure that we used proper English. If I said I was "done eating", she would tell me I was not a turkey in the oven, so I was not "done" but "finished." It was Grandma who taught me to never end a sentence with a preposition. Every year Grandma would take us for a week's vacation in Laguna Beach. We'd stay in a house on the shore, and play for hours in the warm sunshine as we turned into brown Coppertone Kids. While driving around Laguna, we'd wave to the old man known as the "Greeter" who stood on that corner year after year, and seemed to recognize us every time we were in town because he would wave!

When Grandma came to our house for a visit, she always had a gift for everyone. The packages were gaily wrapped and tied with pretty bows, and seldom had name tags or cards attached. As a result, she relied upon her memory to hand out the gifts. We would anticipate great things as we opened the box and discovered something like the latest emerald green leisure suit she meant to give to her husband for Christmas! She would take back the present and forget to bring the one she had intended for us, until several visits later when the item was now outgrown. Each and every time Grandma visited, she misplaced her car keys and we spent at least one hour looking for them when she was ready to leave.

New Age Grandma-Part IV

Grandma's third husband was named Carlton, a giant, thin man with scary, bushy white eyebrows. Carlton was a former Navy officer; an ordained minister in some unorthodox religion and a gentle soul who did what ever it took to keep Grandma happy! He ate her cooking without complaint, weighing less when he died than when they married. He patiently let her interrupt and finish the stories she begged him to tell! Carlton also had "healing hands" and he often meditated to get through each chaotic day with Grandma. They were soul mates who would spend over thirty years together, and die within ten days of one another.

My Grandmother was my mother figure and a part of my life for over 40 years. In her 77th year, within a few minutes after leaving the beauty shop with every red hair in place, she suffered a stroke in her car. At the hospital her cherished red hair was shaved for surgery which was not successful in saving her life. She lingered on life support for several days before Grandpa Carlton had enough and demanded they take her off, since he knew she wasn't there in that body.  Her body stopped and it was over.  I grieved horribly when she went to the "other side."

I can't wait to see her again, wherever she's "at"!  And I know she'll be waiting to correct my English!  J

Cranium Chatter-Continued

How and when exactly, did we get to the point as a nation, where we think it's okay to create television shows and music filled with sex, filthy language, graphic violence, etc? Then we scream when a breast is revealed during our sacred football game's half-time entertainment. Shouldn't we have done something about all of this a long time ago?

How come my outside trash can is never quite big enough?

Does my cat really love me that much or is she only using me for food?

Why don't people take responsiblity for their actions?

How come I don't have a better imagination?

And finally, for today.....If we don't use alllll of our brain, why isn't there something like a switch up there, so I can shut off this non-stop chatter in my brain that causes me to think about this stuff?

Morning Cranium Chatter

Stuff I'm Pondering This Mornin.........

Why do the majority of people in this country like coffee....and I don't? And.......what possessed someone...way back then.....to grind up those little brown beans, steep them in water and drink it, let alone think it tasted good enough to share with others?

Or mushrooms...scary lookin' in themselves. Someone or a bunch of someones took it upon themselves to devote time actually eatin' those things. Sampling and identifying all the various fungi treats (and let's not forget about those poor dearly departed souls who DISCOVERED the poison ones)...and passing that information down for generations causing my very own mother to torment us by putting the boogery looking, slimy, little grey chunks in our spaghetti sauce that I had to pick out! BLECH!

Was it really necessary for God to make skunk smell THAT powerful? (This...coming from a family with up close and personal knowledge! Ask Tam about burying a perfectly good pair of UGHs!)

If you love someone enough to marry them, how can you be so hateful when you decide it's over?

How come those people who should NEVER be mothers, keep having babies and then others who desperately want a child are unable?

What kind of person could ever physically hurt a baby or neglect a child?

Why is blood thicker than water?  Reference: Bubba

When I lose weight, where does it go, and how does it leave?  And....more importantly why does it come back?

Why do people like boxing?

Why, in this day and age,  is there hunger in our world?

Continued.................

Love, Losers and Lunatics-Part I

Love stories, love poems, love letters and love songs, first loves, unrequited love, school girl crushes, lust and longing, chocolates, hearts and flowers, knights on white horses and candle light..................

Promises, vows made and broken, dreams shattered and lives changed, mistakes made, lies told, hurts, headaches and heartaches................

Yet we don't stop searching for "it".....

Today at breakfast, I wished Casey, our very sweet, beautiful and amazingly efficient 16 year-old waitress a Happy Valentines Day.....and said....."Do you have a Valentine right now?"

 (Hoping she'd say that she and that really cute bus-boy Evan; the one with the awesome dimples had finally  gotten together)   

Casey said....."No!  But......I do have a stalker!"

So, she stood there and told me all about this puke, a man (which may be too generous a title) about 25 years old, who cannot take NO for an answer!  A creep who's made her uncomfortable in her work environment.

I wonder if her boss knows?  How about her parents?  Has she confided in them?

Her youth and vulnerability make me want to envelope her in my mothering arms and wrap her up safely, so NO ONE can hurt her! 

The story gave me chills, and brought back horrific memories of my own troubles with a stalker at my worksite, that lasted for 5, yep....FIVE long years!  My situation was in a different day and age.  Before sexual harassment laws.  During the "Well little honey, if YOU can't stand the heat, get out of our kitchen" days, beginning in 1981.

continued....click on older entries.....

Valentine's Day-Thinkin of LOVE? Part II

He made my life miserable, watching my every move, spreading lies, playing cruel jokes, working lots of overtime (right after John Hinkley shot President Reagan for Jody Foster) to "buy a high-powered rifle" that I knew he'd use to kill me. 

I told my family that if I died mysteriously; like driving off a cliff because of brake failure, that HE did it! I meant it too! I truly felt he would kill me. He had the means and he was obsessed and crazy.

He became physically abusive by grabbing me by the arm and violently shaking it, to blocking my path on a stairwell as I tried to go past him, nearly causing me to fall.

He'd spit at my feet. Intimidate me with the stares from his chillingly cold and hateful eyes. Write my name on scantily dressed pin-ups and post them on bulletin boards.

All of this, because I wouldn't date him!

There really isn't an exciting end to this story........But, in 1986 our department finally created a Sexual Harassment policy. I filed one of the first complaints. A lot of good that did me.....I was treated like some rape victims have said they were treated....."Well, what did YOU do to encourage him?" "Certainly YOU must have some responsibility in this situation!"

He ended up getting some minor documentation in his file, and I was assured that his harassment would stop and I wouldn't have to work with him in the future. For some reason, maybe he was concerned for his career, he stopped messing with me, at least overtly.

I am sure he continued his nonsense behind the scenes, but I became more confident and stronger for having suffered his abuse for five years.... and then standing up to him...backing him down.

Coward Bastard!  Messin' with a girl!

So, Dear Casey....times have changed, and YOU do not have to be afraid and HE cannot do this to you. Let's get it out in the open and you'll be safe. Let everyone know, even the law if necessary.

What he's doin' isn't even close to LOVE!

Crammin' Tooooo Much.......

Once again, I have crammed too much into one day and my mouth..........and I sit here about to fall asleep, but too tired to head up the stairs to bed. 

Well, maybe it isn't just that I am physically tired, I may have overdosed on sugar tonite at Bunco (also known as Girl's Just Wanna Have Fun or a Weiner Roast (another word for fun man bashing as my friend Chuck calls it!)  I think (who's kiddin' who?) I am crashing from a spectacular sugar high!

This lady went all out for us........

Let's see......bite sized cream puffs, conversation hearts in various colors; (which might as well be pure sugar) brownies, fresh strawberries to dip in warm,gooey white-chocolate (now I know what to do with that little tiny Crock Pot!) Treasures Chocolate Candy filled with caramel, RED, PINK and WHITE holiday M&Ms, all balanced with chips and dips, Lil Smokies, fresh veggies and dip, brie cheese baked in croissants, pretzels with spicy mustard, etc.

I should know better than to eat all that sugar.  Just about everyone in my family is diabetic, and I am fixin to follow in their footsteps if I don't get a grip!

Can you imagine, after it was all over she brought out a huge lattice top apple pie......"Dessert anyone?"

Pass the Rolaids...............     

More Assorted Stuff

After I got home from work, my real estate agent called and said the "SELLER" rejected my full price offer on her piece of property and withdrew her listing which wasn't supposed to end until December of this year!

Grrrrrrr! 

Now how exactly does that happen when you've signed a contract with the listing agent?  Isn't someone losing out on a commission here?

My agent said that there's no recourse for me, or her agent!  

Papa says things always work out....maybe not exactly like we want them, but they always work out!  So, I figure that I am not meant to have that little piece of earth and that something just right will come along soon. 

The agent wants me to go with her tomorrow after work, to try to find something else in the general vincinity.  She said that she found 5 acres that Scott and I could buy together and actually build two homes on it!  Just think.....a granny house for me..... and Scott and his beautiful wife and kids in the other..........

BUT, DANG IT!

I need some GRANDKIDS!

Then, this evening Papa said..."I can guarantee that I will be back in the hospital before you get off work tomorrow!" 

He knows his body and it's not workin' right. 

So, I trust his instinct and we will probably have to look for that property another day! 

Besides, Scott isn't even in a serious relationship now!

Hang in there Papa!

Assorted Thoughts

I went back to work today, with mixed emotions.  After being off for nearly 3 months with Papa's illness and operations, it was terribly hard to get out of bed and back to the drudgery.  Now I know why we have so-called "early intervention" people who assist and encourage staff to get back to work as soon as possible after an illness or operation.  They say that the longer one is off work, the harder it is to get them to return!  I can honestly testify to that!  I would have loved to retire and never darken the Entrance Gate again....... but it's just not the right time. 

Two years will fly by in nothing flat and then I will be able to retire with a comfortable income and my choice of some nifty 25 year service gift!  

I think I'll get the watch!  

Oh, and lets not forget the proclamation from the governor thanking me for my dedicated service....it's suitable for framing!  

Great addition to the obligatory "ego" wall.  Geez.....I can't wait.............................

There is some chatter about the state possibly giving us an incentive to retire early, in order to get rid of some of us "old timers" according to some of my fellow geezers today.

Something like that would make it exactly  the right time to go!  I will keep my fingers crossed, because after 23 years of this type of work, it's taken it's toll.  It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it! 

When I was a little girl, I always said I wanted to be a cowgirl when I grew up.......

I shoulda been a cowgirl! 

Papa's Medical Problems

Papa continues to be sick, but I must head back to work tomorrow since I've about run out of sick (family) time.  His "rerouted" bile duct is obviously not working properly and he's having so many of the original symptoms that we're probably back to square one on this problem. 

He's promised me that he'll call his gastro doctor tomorrow because she referred him for a HIDA test, and it hasn't been scheduled yet.  HMOs!  They must get that test done to see if the bile duct is performing as it should, because if it's not, he's going to get sicker and sicker.  He's also concerned about the multiple hernias that have popped out all over his belly where the previous surgery sites are.  His intestines are just covered with a little scar tissue and skin in that area that they had to remove a fistula and old mesh that was infected. 

With his health and diabetes, he can't take much more of all this illness.  Just last week, he fell flat on his face in the driveway and really hurt himself.  Broken nose, and BIG bump on his forehead and two huge black eyes!  He wouldn't leave the house after that because he looked like he'd been beat up!  But, this weekend we finally got him out for breakfast in a restaurant!

Progress!

If we could only get him healthy again!

Gratitude-After Christmas Thoughts

After Christmas Thoughts
December 26, 2003

 

It's been so long since I've written in my gratitude journal, yet I try to mentally give thanks daily for all the blessings in my life.

Today, after reading of the devastation from the horrible earthquake in Iran, I am so very grateful for:

A warm sheltering home, with family, pets, food and clothing.

The currently stable ground on which my modern home stands, despite the significant faults that often rumble beneath.

Mother Nature's present quietness in my little corner of the world.

The lives of my loved ones, who are also sheltered, safe and warm.

My possessions and especially photographs, which make my house a home, and are momentos of a cherished life, friends and family, and my career.

And, most of all, that there were so few casualties in the recent California quake.

My thoughts and prayers are with those who are suffering throughout the world, but especially right now in Paso Robles, Devore (mudslides and casualties) and earthquake devasted Iran.

Nothing More Important

January 8, 2004

There is nothing more important this very minute than sitting here and pounding out my thoughts....sad and angry emotions and feelings of revenge for more senseless deaths of our American soldiers today in Iraq! Someone's loving son, daughter, father, friend and hero, a peace-keeper helping to keep Americans and the world from people who would like YOU and Saddam from doing what you do to your fellow man.

Nine, NINE.....soldiers shot out of the air today by some hold-out idiot rebels who are filled with hatred. Those who rejoice while the lives and dreams of others smolder into ash.

I guess I shouldn't refer to you as "idiots" since "insurgents" is the politically correct term these days.

Let me tell you....YOU radical SOBs, that I am pissed now, it's hitting way too close to home for me, since that's the 2nd soldier from my son's unit in the past week.  They're devastated and so are we!

YEP, he's a young, brave and proud AMERICAN soldier, a KIOWA helicopter pilot, brought up on video games which developed his hand and eye coordination. That skill is very important to those who fly scout helicopters to root out pukes like you and your fellow "insurgents" and to vaporize you with our own missle fire with one push of a button!

He flys a computerized KIOWA just like the one you shot down last week that killed the first female pilot to die in combat in Iraq. She was doing what she loved....for her country and for YOUR people too.

When is all this going to stop?  I hope it's when every last one of your kind is vaporized!

Space Age Washer and Dryer

January 31, 2004

Laundry....and more laundry.

Seems I will never get it caught up today and I will have to finish up tomorrow.

Expecting to finish it today would be asking a bit much, considering that my "old" washer and dryer were broken and I've done without for the past week or so. The dirty clothes piled up like a mountain while I waited for the newly purchased ones to arrive!

Yep, I broke down and bought the top of the line Kenmore-front loading washer and matching gas dryer in white. Plus, for a "mere" $150 bucks each, I got the two pedestals with storage drawers that go underneath the washer and dryer, raising them up to a more convienient level. A necessary evil, because it's a little too hard to bend down to put the clothes in a front loading washer.

Sitting up that high, they almost look like the industrial dryers you'd see at a laundramat.

These shiny new, space-age looking puppies, complete with pedestals, set me back about $2400.00! But, they are supposed to save on water by using 68% less water to wash a full load of clothes. Also, they use less soap, bleach and softner in the automatic dispensers that you can't overfill.

I hope by spending less on water and detergent, I can make that up toward the cost of this beauties! Gosh, even Abbie's thrilled with them and asked to learn how to program them so she can do some laundry herself! You go girl!!

Is tomorrow too soon? :)

Mom and the American Pie

The statistics for people that are overweight in this country are alarming!

Really? Do we even need statistics? All we need to do is open our eyes, maybe even look in the mirror!

Just last night at dinner in Marie Callendars, I looked around and noticed that the majority of people eating there were seriously beyond their recommended "body mass index."

And, I am sure that they either indulged in a piece of Marie's famous pie at the end of their meal (that contained gargantuan-sized portions), or they were one to obsess, almost to the point of drooling about WANTING a piece of her delicious pie!

The latter was me.

I faced the challenge and won!

But, it wasn't without a fight. After all....the pies were on sale, just $4.99 with the purchase of a meal. WE purchased TWO meals!

One meal was enough for the two of us, but we were able to finish them off.

"Waste not, Want Not..... There are kids starving in Africa" my mother's voice chimes in my head. EAT YOUR DINNER!

But....I am a normal woman...I can't pass up a bargain! THE PIES ARE ON SALE!

The kids love pie, don't they?

A good mom would take home their favorite.....preferably a New York style cheesecake. Raspberry maybe?

Hey, I know! The ladies at work bought me flowers for Bosses Day! They are always so thoughtful.

I am a thoughtful person too.

Wouldn't they love MY favorite pie as a token of my appreciation for that colorful bouquet?

I could start my diet tomorrow? How about that?

I.....yes ME, (raising my right hand) am one of those plump, overly indulged Americans!

Dr. Robinson, (my diet doctor) would be so proud! Such restraint! I only succumbed to two bites of Papa's pie! He got weak!

"No thanks!" I say to the waitress! No pie to go! Sorry kids!

 Again ladies, my thanks for the lovely flowers!

Venom

Venom
October 25, 2003

You attacked and spewed your venom at me.....

Hoping to wound, sicken and defeat me.

Hateful and unjustified......

Untruths that you hurled toward me, like arrows racing to penentrate a target.

You have dug deep trenches.....

Hoping to undermine me, and to see me drown in the muddy and acidic bile you have brought forth from your deepest fears.

You cannot hurt me, because I know the truth........

Your fragile ego cracks like an eggshell, while you shake and seethe with anger because you can only attack.

It's so unnecessary and I don't react.......

I know that all of the poison you harbor just continues to sicken you, rising up, burning your throat.

All the while I am growing, thriving and much stronger from the experience.

I feel so sorry for you.....

The Continuing Saga-Part IV

continued from previous entry....

I am the MOM who's bought him the expensive "had to have or I'll die" skater shoes and name-brand t-shirts! THE MOM who'd react to a special smile and replace a broken skateboard deck for the fifthteenth time.

This MOM is the MOM who's had to grin and bear it when her car mirror is shattered by an errant go-cart. Or special knick-knacks broken to bits by a rough and tumble boy and his friends.

THE MOM who complained about carpet stains rather than discipline her boy who'd totally disregard her repeated requests NOT to eat or drink in the family room.

I am the MOM who's been embarassed by his drunk in the park episode that made the local newspaper, after he and his best friend were arrested by a friend of mine.

This MOM is the one who bought him a Boxer puppy he named Sly.

This is the MOM who made sure he had family traditions at the holidays, and memorable family vacations. The MOM who loved him unconditionally, who encouraged him, disciplined and taught him manners and responsibility.

BUT...she's his "MOM" to hear him tell it! PLEASE....

I am sooooo angry with him right now!

I remember his hurtful comments like, "Well, you NEVER asked me if I WANTED to be adopted, or if I WANTED to leave my brothers in Oklahoma!"

He told Tam that he didn't have a drug/alcohol "problem" after all, and that he wasn't using drugs there. But he said that he did drink alcohol on New Year's with Kelly. So, nothing's changed.

I can't believe that his "family" would allow him to drink, considering what alcohol has done to them.

Imagine...NO drug or alcohol problem!  He needs to tell all that crap to someone who's going to believe it because this MOM knows better.

In my heart I know that we did the honorable, and right thing all those years ago, and that we have provided him the best possible home life and loved him all these years.

I feel that during this time he's just confused and being immature and selfish. Like I tried to explain to Abbie....He's got to have some more hard knocks in life before he realizes who his "family" really is!

And...most of all, what constitutes a MOM!

Continuing Saga of Bubba-Part III

continued from previous entry

I couldn't help crying and saying that I can't believe he would want to be near a "mom" who hasn't done a thing for him in his whole life! What happened to all those angry feelings he had toward her that he displays when he's drunk? Is blood truly thicker than water? In this case his water is a loving, safe and giving family environment. I don't get it!

His family, his "Mom" he says.........

I am the MOM who's been at his side in the hospital when he's repeatedly overdosed on drugs and alcohol. Or, taken him to the doctors for countless medical issues and skateboard/biking injuries.

Let's not forget counseling appointments, orthodontics, sports physicals, etc.

I am the MOM who's rocked him and sang to him, and comforted him when he had nightmares or was scared by wild dogs.

I am the MOM who's watched and cheered during his various soccer, football, basketball games and special sport camps! I am the MOM who encouraged him to participate and be a success in the DEVIL PUPS! The MOM who made sure he got to fly in an airplane like he wanted. The MOM who let him vacation with Scott in Alabama. The MOM who allowed him to see his birth family in Oklahoma and entertain them when they visited here at our home.

THIS MOM celebrated his birthdays, ensured he had magical and memorable Christmas's. Every year we have a "Gotcha Day" to celebrate the day our adoption was finalized!  I am the MOM who has lovingly filled photo albums and scrapbooks with candid shots and cute stickers and captions. THE MOM who's saved special school papers and art work for prosperity!

Continued next entry...

The Continuing Saga-Part II

continued from previous entry...........

She told him that she wanted him to come home...I even saw her beg..."please" but he told her he'd never return to here, except to visit.

He said that she needed to understand the situation from his point....that he'd lived half his life with his "family" in Oklahoma and that's where he needed to be. (He was removed from that home at age three, and then spent nearly 5 years in foster care before we obtained custody/adoption finalized)

Also, I couldn't help but notice that he mentioned how angry he was that I had him "arrested" and held for hours for being a runaway. I explained to Abbie that he would have been arrested anywhere if he had police contact. Since running away is against the law, we had to report him to the sheriff's department as a runaway, because he was!

After 3 weeks of not knowing where he was and if he was safe, of course I contacted the police in that Oklahoma town. I was worried and needed to know if he was alright. When they found him at his birthmothers they were obligated to take him into custody. I think it's stupid for him to be mad at me about it. What the hell does he think we should do in a situation like that?

Today, Tam told me that she "talked" with Bubba on the Instant Messenger, then on the telephone. Bubba told her that his "mom" bought him a new guitar. I said, "Well, isn't that special, considering she hasn't bought him anything else his whole life!" with not just a little sarcasm.

continued............

The Continuing Saga of Bubba

To those of you who read my Bubba's Binge entries this is a little background info and then I will continue the story..............

Bubba is one of our two adopted children, who were removed from their birthmother's care due to her involvement in the "child abuse homocide" of one of their siblings and her alcoholism.  Bubba came to live with us at age 8 (now 17) and the baby, a girl now 12 came to our home when she was 3 months old.  She is related by blood to us, he however, is not as determined by DNA, but that didn't matter and we adopted them both.  Shortly after Bubba's last binge......actually November 11, 2003, he ran away from home to his "birthfamily" in Oklahoma.  We are devastated, hurt, and angry and there will be more to this story in the future.

Sadder Than Sad
January 6, 2004 For the third day in a row, Abbie has cried about her brother running away to Oklahoma! She sobs, big heavy sobs and is so very sad.

It's been nearly 7 weeks since he suddenly left and we are still devastated.

Amazing how this has disrupted, changed and hurt our family. I cried for days and weeks, and now it's only occasionally.

Especially when I see it affect Abbie the way it does, I can't help but cry. Then I get angry and hurt all over again. Guess I will have to talk with Dr. V  next week about this. I need to start learning how to deal with this significant change and my feelings about it all.

I've been telling Ab that she needs to tell Bubba how she feels. Today, she "talked" with him a little on the Instant Messenger with tears staining her cheeks the whole time as she cried continuously.

continued-next entry...

Bubba's Binge-Last Entry

Papa joins me at the hospital and together we watch the monitor. Not much is said. We just communicate with worried looks as his heart rate and respiration change in seconds.

His heart rate climbs as his breathing becomes shallow and fast. Faster. Higher. I can't believe what I am seeing. He must be having a heart attack! I trip over Papa's legs and run for the nurse. She's on the telephone, but not talking, so I feel I can interupt. "My son's breathing very fast and his heart rate is sky high!"

She rushes over and shakes him. She tells him to wake up and breathe right. He's in a stupor and doesn't know what he's saying. I am amazed that the simple act of waking him and telling him to breathe correctly causes his respiration and heart rate to begin to return to safer levels. This experienced nurse assures us that he's fine.

The lab results come back and the Doctor spends about 10 minutes talking to our teenage drug addict about the dangers of drug use, and asks what he's going to do to change his life.  Bubba only responds with non committal type answers.

The Doctor then discharges him for home, with the instructions...."Contact Kaiser for drug rehabilitation program."
This time, it's going to be a long term rehab program. 30 days was not enough.

Bubba's Binge-Continued

This hospital visit is as a result of an all-day "drug cocktail" as a family friend says. Bubba tells us the ingredients:

Skip Afternoon Session at School
("all we were doing was sitting there eating candy anyway!")

Marijuana (2 big joints)

8 Coricidin Cough/Cold Tablets
("taken all at once!" "I learned that in Rehab" he says)

Powdered Cocaine

Smoked Cocaine

Smoked "Keef" ("a concentrated form of THC") he says, with Hashish

Gee, I think to myself, is that all? Knowing his propensity for alcohol, I tell the doctor that he's also an alcoholic, so he throws that in the drug screen as well.

But, it's difficult to get a urine sample. Bubba's so dehydrated that he can't urinate, try as he might.

The nurse threatens him with a Foley Catheter. While we stand on the other side of the curtain, I ask him if he understands what a catheter is, and he says he doesn't. I explain very motherly, using precise terms for anatomy parts and what she's about to do to "it"!

He curses after hearing my explanation and I once again tell him to watch his mouth.

Several cups of water and 20 minutes later we get his specimen.

Time for an EKG. I tell Bubba that I am going to get a little perverse pleasure in the technician pulling the sticky contacts off his hair legs! She laughs out loud as I say...."Do it verrrrrry slowly!" Bubba finds it amusing too and I explain that it's "retaliation" for me having to spend my evening in the ER.

Now the IV. Again, I somewhat enjoy seeing him wince as the nurse has to stick him repeatedly with a long needle into what she refers to as his "good" veins. She keeps running into "valves" she says, and she can't push the line in properly.

The astonished RN brings over her fellow nurse to show her the problem. Because it's so "unusual" to have that trouble according to the nurse, Bubba smiles and says, "You guys are just messing with me!"

On the fourth try, the needle slips in properly and they begin the first bag of fluids. I silently pray that tonight's needle experience makes him stay away from any IV drugs. They take five vials of blood for testing. The nurse explains that the amount is standard for heart problems.

Hours go by, and I watch him as he twitches and jerks from the toxins in his system. Resting?

The rest of the story....next entry..........

Bubba's Binge-Up Close and Personal

Bubba's Binge
November 1, 2003

It kinda feels like someone slapped me "upside a da head" with a board this morning. My brain is apparently recovering from an overload of a mother's worry, anquish and anger at having to spend hours last night in the Emergency Room, watching her drug addicted son as he's being treated for his indulgence in yesterday's all-day binge.

Hooked up to the standard medical monitors, I watch his heart rate soar to over 150 and see his muscular young chest pounding in response to the variety of drugs he's used for recreational purposes.

You do this for fun?

But, I have been trained in drug addiction. I realize that this monster grew from recreational use, and now it's a "disease".

I ask, "How does that feel, with your heart straining?" I can't imagine it how uncomfortable it must be!

His eyes half-open, as he lay oddly still on the guerney, he smiles lethargically, and says, "It feels good, like I am running!"

All of this torture to his young body is a result of this "balls to the wall" behavior, as Papa calls it.

That's the way Bubba lives, in everything he does, especially with drugs and alcohol. Bubba has NO restraint, NO fear, NO understanding of his own mortality, NO idea how fragile his body really is, this "Temple of God" that he's destroying. He MUST be thinking....If a little must be good, a lot has to be better!

Continued in next entry................

Room Transformation

A Room's Transformation
January 13, 2004

Those Trading Spaces people don't have anything on us! We......Trish, Steve and I, completely and I mean completely transformed Abbie's bedroom, for way less than the one thousand dollars that they usually budget.

Of course, to get the full effect, you would have to have seen it before we began this adventure. Unfortunately, I didn't take any photos of the "before!" Anyway, I am not so sure I'd want any visual reminder of what it used to be!

Those of us that truly know Abigail can attest to that! Let me hear AMEN!

The beige carpet was ripped out and replaced with parquet wood flooring. Abbie liked the idea of a dance floor type floor and said she'd soon be sliding across it with her socks.

The motive to my madness in putting down a wood floor is simple....she RUINS carpet. In addition to having hidden frogs and spiders and the like, under her bed without her mother's permission, she is very interested in creating chemistry "projects" and has a proclivity to spill food and drinks.

Abigail is known to mix a variety of "stuff" from cake mix to Comet and wall patch compound, to mudpies and then store it under her bed.

WHY does she do that?

How do I know?......but I believe she's destined to be a scientist and find the cure for the common cold, or at least baldness!

And....then maybe she can support me in my old age!

Supporting Martha Stewart

Supporting Martha Stewart
February 1, 2004

I just dropped a ton of money on Martha Stewart stuff (she may need it to pay her defense attorney) at KMart for my bathroom(s) remodel...a stylish oval light green trash can, a "cloth" white shower curtain with pretty little green palm trees and a liner to go underneath it.  That's the way Martha said to do it and I am a loyal American woman consumer!

Let's see....oh, and I got the Martha Stewart valances for the windows in the downstairs bath, in a pretty green stripe and contrasting flower print. The fellas on Queer Eye would certainly be proud!

And...I am sooo excited about the new look, that I actually mopped the new tile tonight with the nifty new Clorox wet mop thingy that I also bought!

I just couldn't resist! Totally convienient, I tell you! Mop and throw away that dirty little cloth!

Voila! You're finished!

Even the kid thought it was a pretty exciting invention and I encouraged her to r-e-a-l-l-y get aquainted with it, since she's going to be spending some up-close and personal time with it in the near future.

And....that's a very good thing!

Goodbye Captain-Part II

Every day I helped wake up Grandfather Clock who was very old and sleeping soundly most of the time. I knew I was successful when I saw his eyes begin to flutter. Without success though, I tried to warn Captain of the impending rain of ping-pong balls brought on by that silly jokester, Mr. Moose! And....no matter how I tried to help Captain hold on to that fresh bunch of carrots, Bunnnneeeeeey Rabbit always managed to run off with them.

It was the Captain who inspired my love of reading and who read me the childhood classices that I read to my own four children....Mike Mulligan and the Steam Shovel, The Litle Engine that Could (I think I can, I think I can!), the Little Red Hen (my all time favorite) and so many others that taught me their moral with a story!

As a "city kid" I got to see and learn about a variety of animals from Mr. Green Jeans. Things that I wouldn't normally encounter in Long Beach, California.

It was a magical time, full of wonder, amazement and fun and I pity anyone who wasn't able to experience the simple joys that the Captain and his crew brought me each day.

I just celebrated my 50th birthday and I cherish the memories of those simple, carefree, fun-filled days of climbing trees and telling secrets with my best friend Cindi, crayons and coloring books, games of Hide and Seek and Red Rover, Barbies and Chatty Cathy dolls and last but not least, Captain Kangaroo and his friends....I will miss you Captain!

Rest in Peace and say hello to Mr. Green Jeans for me!

Goodbye Captain

Goodbye Captain
January 23, 2004

Childhood memories of carefree times and sweet innocence flooded my mind this afternoon when I saw the awful news....Captain Kangaroo, Dead at age 76! Nooooo, it can't be, not my beloved Captain with the Dutch Boy haircut and his red jacket with the huge pockets! Gone?

There I was in 1955, the happy big sister to newborn Kim, when the Captain first appeared in our modest living room on our black and white television. I am certain I watched him right from the beginning, after all, my mom was just a kid herself back then and she probably sat right there with me. If she introduced me to Rock and Roll, why not the Captain and Mr. Green Jeans!

I am sure that she also appreciated the Captain's ability to keep her toddler entranced for a short period of time, so she could take care of our newborn Kim, the beautiful baby with skin that looked like peaches and cream.

Fast forward to my earliest memories....There I am, probably about 5 years old, with "dishwater dirty blond hair" as my momma called it. My hap-hazardly cut bangs rested at an angle about 3 inches up from the tops of my eyebrows! Obviously they resulted from my inability to sit still while mom had scissors in her hand. I am sitting "Indian" style; cross-legged on our slick and shiny hardwood floor, in a crisply starched dress probably obtained from the Sears and Roebuck catalog order department. I am proudly wearing my day-of-the-week embrodiered panties with my scuffed saddle shoes.....elbows resting on my knees, and my tiny hands propping up my chin, while I stared at that boxy television with fixed green eyes......Captain, Mr. Green Jeans, Bunnnnneeeeey Rabbit and his carrots, Mr. Moose, Dancing Bear and my favorite; Grandfather Clock.

They were MY friends, each Monday through Friday and I watched without fail. It never occurred to me that they weren't there for my education and entertainment or talking to me directly.

Continued in next entry.............

The Final Entry-This One's for the Girls

We then got to talking about foods that we can't or won't eat. I told them how my mother made me eat liver when I was a kid and how I spared my children the same misery by deciding that when I was an adult there would NEVER be liver in MY home. Kind of like what President George Bush used to say...."I don't like Broccoli, and I am not going to eat broccoli. I am the President of the United States and I don't have to eat broccoli if I don't want to!"  My kind of President!

I'm thinkin' all four of my kids should be thanking me for not making them eat liver, because if that isn't the sign of a thoughtful mother, I don't know what is!

Liver was the topic of conversation for quite awhile. Edris told a story of making liver soup for her family years ago. Is there even a recipe for such a thing, which has to be the grossest type of soup that I have ever heard of!  Yes, there was and she said it was the most awful stuff she ever ate.

I think she now regrets feeding it to her family because her son was so traumatized by it that he wrote a college essay all about it! He's probably going to include it in the family memoirs too! Now, not to beat up on her cooking, because I want you to know that I have eaten lots of Edris' cooking and she's really an outstanding cook. She has a reputation for the BEST FRIED BOLOGNA sandwiches in town, although personally, I have never been too fond of bologna.

Besides, that liver soup was probably waaaay before I met her. But, if invited, I would have had to decline lunch that day, just because I HATE liver. The thought of it in a soup makes me shudder.

If I recall, Edris said she didn't make any more liver for her family after that lovely dinner.

Kathy said she rather likes the smell of it cooking, with onions. But, I can't recall if she said she'd actually eaten it as an adult. I think Mary commented that she likes it if it's cooked right.

YUK....! Come to think of it, that mystery filling in the pot sticker thingys may be liver......I am going to have to ask just to be on the safe side.

Anyway, we had the best time and it was truly the greatest fun I have had in a long time.

My thanks to the girls for a memorable evening...(and for something to write in my journal for future generations) and next time, dinner's on me!

This One's for the Girls-Part IV

Continued from previous entry...............

The baby's mother thinks the father should be there to see his son more often, but he's attending school and she isn't right now. I imagine that would make it seem like he's not spending enough time with the baby. But, he's only 16!

Anyway, Kathy said that she was standing at the nursery window admiring her grandson, when another lady started up a conversation with her saying...."How premature was your grandson?" Kathy, always the witty one replied..."About 5 years!" We about fell out of our chairs! It was so true and reality is much funnier than comedy shows!

I don't know how we got on the subject of real estate, but we all talked about how the property has skyrocketed in our little town and how there's no sense in trying to "buy up" right now. I told them I'd just stay put in my house and remodel it, starting with Ab's room. I explained that she's such a little slob, that I have plans to create a "less is more" type of room for her. Were beginning to remodel her room right now! New flooring, paint and furniture. All indestructable.

This time she's getting a loft bed, so she can't hide things underneath it. That is because of her tendency to hide small animals and bowls of strange chemical concoctions under her bed. I am surprised that she hasn't asphyxiated us with the stuff she mixes. But, that was probably what killed that poor frog that I found petrified under her bed that time!

Gosh, I hope she grows up to be a chemist or a doctor and can find the cure for baldness or the common cold!

So, back to real estate...Mary and I talked about rentals and how we were so smart to hang on to property in Los Angeles and have it appreciate considerably in the past 20 years.

I told her that I just sold my LA property because I was afraid that we were in for a big earthquake and that the house, built in 1926, would certainly crumble if that part of California didn't fall off into the ocean first. Either way it was a gonner, and I felt that it was the prudent time to let it go. 

I keep the new owners in my prayers!

So, now we all know now that Mary is going to be an extremely wealthy retiree when she sells her place, which isn't quite as close to the ocean as the property I sold. Good thinking Mary!

dang it...it's gonna take up one more entry box...sorry

This One's for the Girls-Part III

Continued from previous entry..........

We talked about my recent birthday party and how much fun it was. I told them I couldn't have asked for a better party!

We all agreed that the attendance was amazing! We had nearly a hundred people show up, which really surprised me! Although, I had to admit that for several days I was getting worried that no one was going to come, because people just don't RSVP as requested anymore. Then we'd received several last minute calls from people who couldn't make it and some cancellations from those who absolutely intended on attending but got sick or had a conflicting issue. So, I told the girls how I began feeling totally sorry for myself thinking NO ONE would show up at my party. And on the afternoon before the party was to start, I sat down and wrote a journal entry titled...What IF They Gave You a Birthday Party and Nobody Came?" I was working my poor fingers to the bone typing that one and it was so unnecessary!

Edris was the only one of the girls who didn't make it to the party that night, so at our dinner we told her all about it. Kathy, Mary and I decided.....based on the turn out and amount of fun that people had.....that the party was absolutely the "social event of the season" for our little town.

Oh, those poor folks who went to our annual Christmas Party for work instead! Just think what they missed!

Then I had to tell Edris the story of Joel running away, since she hadn't heard and that took quite a bit of time. Not much to laugh about with that one.

After that, I told the girls that we'd talked enough about me and my family and it was their turn to update me on their lives and work.

Kathy told us about her beautiful, brand new grandbaby boy, named Matthew. (Kathy's 16 year old son is the father) Matthew made his grand entrance into the world on her birthday, December 31st, but 3 months premature.

She explained that the doctors didn't know why he was born so early, but he's doing well in his little 2 pound plus body! He'll be hospitalized for quite a while, probably 3 months or so. Kathy says she goes to see the baby as often as she can but the hospital's 45 miles away and her son's in high school.

Continued in next entry...keep readin', it gets better.......
 

This One's for the Girls-Part II

continued from previous entry................

WE girls really love each other and enjoy each other's company! I guess if we did this more often, it wouldn't be nearly as fun. This is more like...absence makes the heart grow fonder.

The girls get together each month and have a nice Japanese dinner and this was the first time I joined them. I had been in the Japanese restaurant with my family last month when they were there and I had to go say hello and find out what they were eating. Since I am not to adventurous with that stuff, I like to look at what others are eating and get their opinions.

That night they were having combination plates with a little of everything, including some things that I did not recognize. I guess that will happen when you order Teriyaki Chicken every time!

So, after they explained what they were eating, I decided next time I went to the Japanese restaurant, I'd eat like a big girl and try something new! This was my chance!

After looking over the menu we all decided on our meals. There were 3 of us who ordered the combination dinners which included Tempura Shrimp and Veggies, Teriyaki Chicken and and California Rolls. Edris got some kind of breaded fish, salmon, I think.

Now, I have tried California Rolls in the past, and even chewed up the caviar. I'm sorry.....but the sound and texture of fish eggs popping in my mouth does not thrill me, so I asked if I could have them without the caviar. In fact, Kathy and I both decided we'd do much better without those little pink fish eggs, so they made ours special.

Edris got an order of Goyi...something or other, which is kinda like pot-stickers, with a spicy barbque sauce drizzled over it. I have had them before and love 'em, but I would almost feel better if I knew what's in that mystery filling! So, despite the fact that they tasted heavenly, I only ate one. One's the limit until I can find out what I am actually eatin'!

We talked non-stop through the meal. We all had so much food there it was amazing that we ever got through it for all the talking, but we did. First I had to update them on my dad's recent operation and complications, and all his other ailments. An "organ recital" is what Grandma Dot would call it! Get it?

continued in next entry..................

This One's for the Girls

This One's for the Girls!
January 9, 2004

Since I've been off work for several weeks taking care of Papa, "The Girls" called me and invited me to dinner at the Japanese restaurant, the other night. It was "our treat" they said! "Sure", I said I'd go, since I don't get invitations like that very often!

It's my nature to pick up the check when I dine out with friends, usually because I have done the inviting, and since I have a great paying job, I like to share the wealth. But this time the girls made it clear the meal was on them! I felt very indulged! Kinda like an extra birthday or Christmas gift!

I met Kathy, Edris and Mary at the restaurant about 10 minutes after 5. I was supposed to be there at 5:00, but true to form I was late! We laughed about that right away, because they know me pretty well. Even when I am off work I am late! I think I had a pretty good reason this time, which escapes me right now but....I have decided this is the year that I will do better at being prompt.

Lately, for the most part, I have been at least ten to fifteen minutes early to all Papa's appointments. So, there's a start. Always room for improvement!

So, the girls and I greeted each other with a hug. Mind you, this was not just a perfunctory type of hug. You know the kind...a half-hearted, lean-in where you pat the person on the back, acting like you are seriously glad to see them.

Nope, this was a genuine, wrap your arms around each other, like what they call "Bear Hugs" and pull tight and squeeze.

Then top it off with a few sincere pats and circular rubs on the back while you tell the person how glad you are to see them. REAL, HOLY, LOVING HUGS!

continued next entry..................

How I Became an Indian-Part III

The court clerk took her time and carefully reviewed every page, with her stamp in hand. I held my breath, hoping that I had created a flawless petition. She then asked, "Did you do this yourself?" I hesitated and said that I did.  "This is very good! Very good!" she said.  I waited to hear her say that there was a problem, but she didn't!

She began stamping it with a case number and commented again. "You know" she said, "you did a great job on that, but you really didn't need to go to all that trouble!"

I looked at her curiously and asked what she meant. She then said, "You could have just written the judge a letter and he'd have granted your request!"  Now you tell me!  All this work and I could have just written a simple letter?

The clerk told me it would take several weeks for the judge to review my petition and approve it, then she would call me when it was finished. She said that once the judge approved it, I would have to have the "court order" prepared for the judge's signature.

Court Order? I did good just pulling that petition together! How does one do a court order? At that point I decided it was time to hire a lawyer but settled for a paralegal.

A few weeks later, the court clerk telephoned to say the judge had granted my petition and was awaiting the court order. I let the lawyer handle it from there. In a few short weeks I had my "court ordered" original birth certificate in hand!

I was somebody! Officially me!

I sent off my papers to the tribal headquarters and waited patiently. In November 1992, I received my blood quantum and tribal membership cards from the Cherokee Nation, signed by Principal Chief Wilma Mankiller, herself!

Because of this experience, I am much more appreciative of the fees lawyers demand! I learned a lot about the legal system and researching in law libraries.

But, please don't ask me to help you get your birth certificate, unless your situation falls under the Indian Child Welfare Act.

In that case, I'd be glad to write you a quick letter to the judge!

Better yet......pay the lawyer!

How I Became an Indian-Part II

How I Became an Indian-Continued.............

My adoption proved to be a problem since my original birth records were "sealed." I had no way to prove who I was, and that I was my father's daughter. I needed my original birth certificate to become a tribal member.  It didn't matter that I was adopted in a stepparent situation, the records were sealed as if I had been adopted through an agency. But, I found the loophole; the Indian Child Welfare Act. This Federal law allows for Indian adoptees to have access to their original birth records in order to prove their Indian heritage.

I went to the Law Library at the Superior Court and found the specific language. I asked for help from my redheaded half brother, a non-Indian, who was excellent at legal matters. Together, we typed a document that would have made a para-legal proud! We used official legal paper and type it on a word processor. I "cited" my case law, attached notarized statements from my birthparents who voiced no objection to opening my records and my adoptive father's death certificate. My "petition" package was complete, and I was sure that I saved hundreds of dollars, by doing the work myself. I even knew the proper legal term; "pro-per."

In my research, I found that I could file my petition in the county in which my adoption took place, or the county in which I resided. I selected the county in which I resided rather than the county in which I was born, and made my way to the Superior court. I proudly walked into the court, with my documents in hand. At the clerk's window, I explained that I was there to "file my case."

continued in next entry..............