I Got Trouble.........some kind of trouble! (with apologies to Wynonna Judd)

Henry Ward Beecher said, "Troubles are often the tools by which God fashions us for better things."

Yesterday morning Ab tried every excuse in the book to avoid going to school, which has been a pattern of late. I forced the issue after she screwed around for nearly 2 and a half hours. She continued to ignore my instructions to get ready so I could drive her the 5 miles to her school, so I called her principal and told him to go ahead and get the truancy officer involved! Her head began to spin and she called me all kinds of disrespectful names; one of which I believe was "Crazy BITCH!" (Ha! Try to hurt my feelings! You may recall a song of that same name is one of my new favorite dance tunes!)

Imagine that!

Me crazy and a bitch too?

So in a "You-and-me-against-the-world-and-this-totally-unreasonable-crazy-bitch-Mother-of-mine" type move, she hastily packed some of her belongings and took off with her boyfriend while I was on a much needed, stress-reducing walk with a wise friend, who is also a Native American Spiritual Advisor. Thank God for this woman's counsel as an outside observer and caring friend. Thank God for my Al-Anon meeting last night! Thank God for the listening ear of a dear friend late last night, who I may have stressed by osmosis! Thank God for some time planned this evening with with my Sponsor!

Abbie did not come home at all last night, and would not respond to my telephone calls or text messages. I advised her that I would be forced to involve the police if she didn't return home. I am sure they are safe together somewhere locally. This morning I called the boyfriend's mother and told her about the situation, asking that she attempt to contact them before I get the police involved.

The Truancy Officer, who is connected with our local police will be by to meet with me either today or tomorrow. I've contacted Ab's Life Coach for some possible intervention.

I don't know what's going to happen but I know it's out of my hands. I gave it to God. I obviously can't handle this on my own.

As crazy as it sounds, I went for another walk today with my caring friend as it's better than sitting around fretting over what I can't change. This afternoon I am going to get my nails done as scheduled and tonight, I'll play Bunco with the ladies as we do once a month. I am not totally at peace, but I know I can't fix this myself, so I have to live life and take care of me while it's all being worked out by my Higher Power.

Letting Go and Letting God!

Of Med Students and Off-Spring...........

Today, I read a fascinating article written entitled How to Date a Med Student authored by a young woman who just happens to have a blog that I follow, where she discusses exactly that very thing!

Her article made me think, "How can she handle that?" and I said to myself, "That's one tough young woman, with lots of patience!" So, I left her a comment which was something to the effect of..."Geez, I don't know how you do that...date a med student, I mean! Yikes, that's got to be difficult! But, there again, I bet you'd wonder how I could actually avoid killing my foul-mouth, totally disrespectful, truant, habitual marijuana using 17 year old daughter-if you read my blog too!"

Oh...and her 36 year old "adult" sister who also lives in this place!

Some parents do that you know!

I am just sayin'!

I'll tell you how I do it! Yes, it's how I avoid strangling the living daylights outta those two ornamental, dysfunctional home wreckers, Dear Readers!

I am.....................


Yes, I am sicker than most because any mother with a tiny little sliver of self-respect would have put those girls out of her misery a long time ago!

Thank GOD I have an Al-Anon meeting tonight.

It's 4:15 in the afternoon here in California. Is it too early to enjoy a glass of wine with my hot bath and is that inappropriate BEFORE my meeting? After all, I don't have a drinking problem but if this shit keeps up, I may have one before long!

More later..............

Stand By Me-Performed by Street Musicians

This is the most heartwarming and joyful short musical film I've ever seen! If you don't do anything today except watch this you will be better for it! Enjoy!



Stand By Me from David Johnson on Vimeo.

It's Saturday...so it's time for SIX Words!

Smart mouth teenagers piss me off!


Play along with Cate if you want!

Underwire Bras and Breast Cancer? Fact or Fiction....

While doing a little online research on Breast Cancer "risks" associated with underwire bras, due to my doctor's visit yesterday, I came across this article by Anne Kreuger, which pretty much cites this theory as a "rumor" not supported by the American Cancer Society. Obviously, there is some real concern in the medical community to "support" the possibility that underwire bras may be problematic. You all can decide for yourselves! There is a ton of info on the web on this subject if you are interested!

Underwire Bras and Breast Cancer-by Anne Kreuger

Sometimes I feel like my bra is killing me. Not literally, of course: Just poking or binding me or making itself known in ways that are extremely annoying. If I didn’t think it would alarm the UPS man or any other visitor to my front door (I work at home), I would go braless all the time. That would please one Ralph L. Reed, PhD, because he thinks that brassieres—particularly when they’re too tight—literally could be killing women by causing breast cancer.

Reed puts forth his theories for the Natural Health and Longevity Resource Center, but I had actually heard this before. Rumor has it that underwire bras can cause cancer, due to the way they allegedly compress the lymphatic system under the arms and breasts, supposedly causing a buildup of toxins. Two medical anthropologists, Soma Grismaijer and Sydney Ross Singer, wrote a book called Dressed to Kill on this subject that—more than a decade after its printing—is still generating spirited debate on Amazon.com!

The thing is, even though this rumor pops up again and again, the research just isn’t there to back up the bra/breast-cancer theory, according to the experts at the American Cancer Society. It’s true that women who are obese have a slightly higher risk of getting BC. And perhaps obese women with big boobs are more likely to wear bras than women with flat chests—voilà, an urban myth was born. “But wearing a regular or underwire bra during the day or night, or just wearing tight clothing, does not affect breast-cancer risk,” says Marisa C. Weiss, MD, director of breast radiation oncology at Lankenau Hospital in Wynnewood, Pa., and founder of Breastcancer.org. Her new book on breasts, Taking Care of Your Girls, comes out in September (2008).

Taking Care of the "Girls"......

I probably should have gone to the doctor a couple of weeks ago when I first noticed an incredible amount of bruising on the top of my right breast.

I know better.

Considering my sister died of Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC) and bruising can be one of the symptoms of that particular type, I should have immediately got it checked. Click HERE to read more about IBC.

However, I chalked up the bruising to the mammogram I had on March 5th and today I finally got my head outta the sand (I told you I was an ostrich in a former life) and went to have it examined. I am still convinced it was from the mammogram, but I wanted to be sure. Not that I have ever been bruised during that procedure in the oh....20 or so times that I've had it done. But, maybe this time was different. She certainly flattened those suckers (no pun intended) to about the diameter of a dinner plate! Ok...so I am embellishing that just a tad. But...it was close! How in the HELL else would I get a broken blood vessel in the spot where they clamped down on my poor innocent boob?



I am faithful about having mammograms done, since I've had two lumps removed from my left breast and thankfully they were both benign. My recent mammogram results were fine...at least on paper. The radiology department didn't see the results of their torture device...I mean vise..until today. I headed right down there for an ultra-sound of both breasts after seeing a Nurse Practitioner in the OB/GYN department who seriously chastised me for waiting so long to come in, considering my personal history, my sister's history and the "Trauma" to my right breast! Thankfully she was still able to see the brusing and feel the lump where a blood vessel aparently burst!

Additionally, she examined me thoroughly and found what may be a cyst in the left breast which will probably be surgically removed. No needle biopsy for this woman as they are too unreliable and they HURT like HELL! One was enough for me and that was YEARS ago. I don't believe they've improved on the procedure. I think it's pretty much still a HUGE needle being thrust into your breast until it hits the suspect spot and then they attempt to withdraw fluid for testing. If they don't get fluid, they may try again. NOPE! It ain't happening.

She also ordered, I mean strongly suggested that I stop wearing underwire bras due to the danger of damage to the breast tissue from the wires. WHAT? No pretty underwire bras? Ugggghhh! We women like our underwire bras because they make us feel and look pretty and they keep the "girls" uplifted! But..I was a good patient and did what I was told. So...I did a little post-exam shopping and bought a couple of not-so-exciting-looking-bras. But, there again....who's looking anyway?

I will keep you posted.

Deflatedly,

Lisa

Putting the fun in dysfunctional.............

The last few days have been just peachy here in our dysfunctional mountain home.



Have I mentioned lately how much I am looking forward to being an empty nester?

Oh....of course I have!! Regularly, huh!

I recall my dad being totally dismayed at his life once he retired as he had it envisioned it so differently. That's the way I am feeling, as this is certainly not the retirement I ordered. Like they say...Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans!

Yesterday, and well into the evening there was some type of trouble brewing with the young lovers, which I could ascertain by the modulation of tense voices and the ins and outs at the front door as I maintained a safe distance, happily isolated in my room. Situations like that tend to upset Ab's stomach and apparently last night was no exception. I thought marijuana was supposed to help with nausea...but I guess not in her case as she came into my room to complain how she was feeling about 1:00 this morning. That in itself is usually a precursor to missing school the next morning and that's just how it unfolded today. She's this --->||<--- close to graduating in June, but with her lack of effort and attendance it's going to be a stretch. I can't do it for her and it doesn't bother me in the least if she has to continue as a "Super Senior!"

If that were me, doing "extra time" as a senior, I'd be horrified. But, such is the life of unmotivated young addicts. She has expressed that she'd really like to graduate by May, and move out if I would sign "emancipation" papers for her. But...she'd have to be self-supporting and out of high school to qualify. In this economy, in this small town, that will be tough and even tougher if she doesn't get busy and finish up school in the next few weeks!


Tam and her new man have spent lots of time together...mostly at his place, which makes me very happy. It gets her outta my hair and out in the world that she mostly avoids.



Last night they went out to a local watering hole for a few drinks and then she brought him back here DRUNK, saying she couldn't drive him home because she'd been drinking. That also means she drove home from the bar under the influence! Apparently, he's a mean drunk and so she saw a side of him she hadn't seen before as he became agressive and obnoxious, but it wasn't a deal breaker by any means. Instead.......she brought him here to let him sleep it off in our game room! I wasn't pleased, but it was late and I guess I would have been the one to drive his drunk fanny home if I pressed the issue, so I let it go.

Apparently I need to establish a few more boundaries.

New and Improved Wearin' My Heart on My Sleeve!

Check out my new template and gorgeous header! Isn't that just awesome?! I am proud to announce that your friend and mine...the exquisite Brandi of Excess Baggage created this masterpiece for me and I am sooooo thankful and excited to have such a professional looking blog!!! Now..if I can just improve the content of this thing, we'll be in business!

Brandi...YOU ROCK!!!



Thank you so much!

MUAH!!!!

Six Word Saturday

Time to ESCAPE; buying TWILIGHT today!

I am soooo excited that the movie is out on DVD!!

Stupid is...as stupid does.

Yeah, so I may be seriously old-fashioned.

Yes, I'm probably way behind the times. Surely, I'm narrow minded and rigid in my views.

Ridiculous. I know.

CRAZY. You may be right. I am certainly feeling pretty crazy about right now.

But.....for some reason, and you dear readers are certainly welcome to correct me if I am wrong here but....BUT, I just don't think it's appropriate for my 36 year old daughter to "entertain" her new man friend in her room, regardless of what kind of activity is she says is taking place.

It's a BEDROOM for God's sake!!! That's where I draw the LINE!!!

Of course, I totally believe that he was in there reading poetry to you when I arrived home from my pedicure. And, SURE the door was shut because you were both "emotional" over the beautiful words he was sharing with you. Why would I think anything different was going on between two "mature" adults?

However, it's JUST as I explained.

It's all about R-E-S-P-E-C-T and APPEARANCES!

I am your MOTHER! This is MY house and I happpen to let you live here. Reluctantly! Show some freakin' RESPECT!

Besides....YOU have a 17 year old sister at home.

We have plenty of other places here in this house to entertain people. There's a large screen television and a pool table in the family room. I don't bring men home and entertain them in my BEDroom, since other people happen to live here. That's just respect in my book!

I think it's just STUPID that we even had to have this damn conversation.

"Great, Have a good time at his place tonight! See ya!"

Lake Shasta-Northern California in Black and White

Sometimes editing a photo to black and white makes it more dramatic and it's often preferable to some people! Here's the same shot as the earlier entry!

The "brush" in front of the photo is actually a Manzanita tree, and the naturally hard wood is often harvested and used to make beautiful walking staffs, bird perches and other crafts.

From Wikipedia: Manzanita is a common name for many species of the genus Arctostaphylos. They are evergreen shrubs or small trees present in the chaparral biome of western North America, where they occur from southern British Columbia in Canada, Washington to California and New Mexico in the United States, and throughout much of northern and central Mexico. They are characterized by smooth, orange or red bark and stiff, twisting branches. There are about 60 species of manzanita, ranging from ground-hugging coastal and mountain species to small trees up to 6m tall. Manzanitas bloom in the winter to early spring and carry berries in spring and summer. The berries and flowers of most species are edible.

The word manzanita is the Spanish diminutive of manzana (apple). A literal translation would be little apple. Traditional uses of the plant include collecting the berries, drying them, and grinding them up into a coarse meal. Fresh berries and branch tips were also soaked in water and drunk, making a refreshing cider. When the bark curls off, it can be used as a tea for nausea and upset stomach. The younger leaves are sometimes plucked and chewed by hikers to deter thirst. Native Americans used Manzanita leaves as toothbrushes.

Click to make this photo larger!

Lake Shasta-Northern California

Just sharing! I took this shot on my way to visit my family in Northern California a couple of weeks ago! It was a beautiful day! Click on the photo to make it bigger!

Spring Things............

Well, the past couple of days I ventured out of my cozy, self-imposed exile to get out in the real world and take care of some business.



There was a dentist appointment on Tuesday, in which I was poked and prodded for an annual look see ::big sigh-I didn't get to choose a toy from the Treasure Chest because I did not have a GOOD checkup:: and then yesterday, a trip down the mountain to see a dermatologist which my "Primary Care Provider" so kindly referred me to after he recently tortured, I mean treated a few spots diagnosed as-Actinic Keratosis (AK)-(description below-because I am all about teaching you people a few things here!) by burning them with liquid nitrogen. OUCH!!

Actinic keratosis (AK) is a UV light–induced lesion of the skin that may progress to invasive squamous cell carcinoma. It is by far the most common lesion with malignant potential to arise on the skin. Actinic keratosis is seen in fair-skinned persons on skin areas that have had long-term sun exposure. In Australia, the country with the highest skin cancer rate in the world, the prevalence of actinic keratosis among adults older than 40 years has been reported to range from 40-60%.

Oh my poor Aussie friends! That sun is cooking you poor people down under! Wear sunscreen!



Anyway, I had a bunch of new Spring things crop up on my face that the good doctor decided were "cosmetic" issues not covered by my HMO. So, she elected to refer me to their "Cosmetic Dermatologists" who would treat me at "competitive prices" and since she was a woman, she got a little twinkle in her eye while mentioning that they also offered "Botox and Restylane." Vanity...Thy Name is Woman! I may have to make an appointment, because I am going into this "Senior Citizen" stage of my life, totally kicking and screaming. At my age, I need to hang on to all the pretty I can.

Then after checking out a few other troublesome spots on my body, she confidently stated they were not AKs or Skin Cancer and she began torturing me with her trusty bottle of liquid nitrogen. If you've never experienced liquid nitrogen, think of it as getting burned with the tip of a glowing HOT cigarette at least 3 times repeatedly on each spot, in order to damage the offending growth until it eventually scabs up and falls off! I got one burn just under my jaw, one on my chest, one on my side and two on my lower back. I had a bit of a hard time trying to figure out how to sleep last night as it seemed any way I moved I was going to put pressure on the new burns! But, I am better this morning and I am now done with my whining!

Life beckons once more and I am again heading down the mountain to take the girl child to a dentist appointment. She's not getting a toy from the treasure chest either. She's getting a root canal! :: Hanging my head in shame that I am getting a little perverse pleasure out of that thought!:: The little booger!

Fly Boy's Personal Operation in Afghanistan

As most of my readers know, my son is currently serving our country as an ARMY helicopter pilot in Afghanistan. He is a career soldier, holding the rank of Chief Warrant Officer 3 and he is a TWO-TIME recipient of the Air Medal of Valor for his actions in two specific incidents when he served a year in Iraq. He is an awesome young man and father. I am one proud Mom!

Anyway...I received this email from him recently and I am sharing it with you, my blogger friends, to see if you'd like to help him in his personal goodwill efforts while he's in Afghanistan. This should explain!

Everyone,

Things are going pretty well here. Living conditions aren't too bad. I live in a wood shack, an 8 person building and have a wood cell that is 7x6. I guess it is similar to jail. I have a real mattress and sheets, internet sucks, food is pretty good, laundry is 24 hour turnaround. I really don't have too many needs over here. Things that I can think of are good coffee, non-refrigerated creamers, and general snacks.

I've recently started up a project, something that I started in Iraq. I call it "Operation Hearts and Minds". My theory is that if we can win the hearts and minds of the children over here, they might have influence on their family and friends who might want to attack us. If I can positively impact one child's life, and get them spread our good will and prevent just one person from attacking some of our soldiers, it might just save some American lives. It also brings something positive to my daily missions out there.

When I was stationed in Iraq, I got a bunch of guys together and started this project and initially purchased some candy and toys to throw out of our helicopters and eventually had people sending us stuff. A church from Ohio sent over 1000 lbs of candy, stuffed animals and school supplies. It was great, and I'm at it again!

So, would you please send some candy and small toys or stuffed animals for me and the guys to drop down to the children? It would be greatly appreciated!

Anyway, here's a picture of the area. I'll send some more when I get some uploaded. Miss everyone, and thank you for your support, prayers, letters and packages. I'll try and write back when I get time. Love you guys!

If you, your family or friends, workplace or even your church would like to assist my son in his kind efforts for the children of Afghanistan, please email me at CW2sMom at AOL dot com and I will provide you with his mailing address!

Thanks so much! Peace on Earth! Let it begin with us!!

Lisa

Safe Havens and Craziness.......

For the 3rd day in a row, I am isolated in my bedroom. I am not depressed, in the least. How nice to be able to say that honestly.

The isolation started the other day when I was somewhat banished from the living room where the main computer “lives” as the carpet was being cleaned and it has evolved into a quiet escape that I am thoroughly enjoying. I view it as a comfortable place to just be as opposed to hanging out in the living room, where I can easily observe the messes made by my teenager; a lazy sort of tornado who leaves destruction in her path as she moves from place to place.

This overwhelmed and inept mother still has a hard time with setting limits, expectations and the resultant confrontation, so it’s often easier to sigh and ignore it. Maybe during the night the housekeeping Gods will take mercy on my humble abode. It’s not likely, but one can hope. I dream of the times when Ab was in boarding school and my house was nearly spotless. Ahhhhh! Those were the days!

The kids pop in once in awhile to ask a question or two, or provide me with an update on something concerning life beyond these safe walls. I think they like it as much as I do. I take my meager meals in here and then shuffle downstairs occasionally with a stack of dirty dishes in hand, placing them among those already on the counter or stacked in the sink. Frankly, I don’t care. Obviously, they don’t either. Out of sight, out of mind. It works for me. I believe I was an ostrich in a former life. That, and a very ineffective school teacher, with an out of control class room. I probably attempted to teach English. I’ve always loved English.

So, I sit here in my room with just about everything I need. I have a comfy bed with an extra thick memory foam mattress topper that keeps my ample fanny from experiencing circulation problems as I sit here propped up with double memory foam pillows cushioning my back rest.

I have my trusty lap top, a television with DVR capabilities, assorted snacks that I have hidden here from the people who inhabit this place and their constant marijuana munchies and wonderful stacks of books, paper, pens and highlighters nestled beside the luxurious body pillow on the “passenger” side of my bed. My latest read…White Oleander, by Janet Fitch, serves as a mouse pad at my left side, when I am not devouring every word between it’s shiny paper covers.

As I sit cocooned here on the bed, I visualize and make a comparison to an odd character in town; a retired catholic priest who drives an old boat of an American car, which is filled with massive amounts of assorted paperwork. He is literally cocooned with what looks like a lifetime of trash and mail that rises shoulder high, giving him just enough room to make his way into the driver’s seat. I can’t help wonder what his home looks like and decide that he’s a danger to himself and others. One sudden need to brake and that mountain of paperwork will surely become an avalanche and cause him to wreck. God help us all. Is anyone concerned but me?

I decide to make a neater pile of my books and paperwork.

I may just stay in here. Or I may just move into my condo in Tennessee. ALONE. I haven’t yet decided. Don’t think it hasn’t crossed my mind. I know of someone who did that just to get away from her children. She left them in the house and moved, with no forwarding address.

Damn it. I just realized, mine would know how to find me!

Plan B is in the works.

But, right now...Ab's bringing me a piece of pizza for lunch!

Life is good.

Ain't it the TRUTH!

So, this glorious morning, all too early-because Abbie had to be somewhere at the crack of dawn and I had to get her there.....I shuffled downstairs in my jammies and slippers, and fired up the PC to find the above little graphic from Tam, displayed prominently in the comment section of my MySpace. The girl sure knows how to pick 'em. Really, what would I have to write about if it wasn't for my girls? I don't know, but I think I'd like to find out one of these days.

This past week they both provided me with enough writing material, raised eyebrows, snickers, chuckles and resultant headaches to last an entire month. I think my brain actually shut down for protection, as I can only remember some of what happened in order to pull together this entry.

Here goes.....

I try to beg off from accompanying Tam to doctor's appointments anymore, as I am encouraging her to live her own life, experience the consequences of multiple missed appointments and pretty much, I don't enjoy watching the histrionics as she poorly demonstrates classical drug seeking behavior. But she insisted I accompany her to two appointments on Wednesday.

The first one was thought to be with the Gynecologist at 10:20 a.m. It took her at least 45 minutes to get through the registration process, as it's a County Hospital. She returned saying, "Let's go!" explaining that she'd mistakenly mixed up her appointments and her 10:20 appointment was across town at another location. ANOTHER MISSED APPOINTMENT! We rushed over there, one hour late and she wasn't able to be seen, despite her pleas and explanation of new psych drugs that are confusing her. This begins to put her in a panic as she is getting low on her pain medication and she vows to try for a "same-day" appointment tomorrow.

We decided to have lunch and I suggested that she use me and my ever present day planner as a back up system for her appointments. She agrees that would be helpful.

Her afternoon appointment, which we managed to make without problem, was with the Rheumatologist; a crucial appointment that was tough to get, especially after she'd missed a couple of them previously for whatever reasons. After the cardiologist determined that her recurrent "pericarditis" is not a cardiac problem, she needed to see the rheumatologist to try to get to the bottom of the issue. Is it Lupus, RA, or some other auto-immune disease that's causing her painful episodes of inflammation around the heart?

As the County Hospital is also a teaching hospital, a nice young doctor in training comes in and does Tam's medical history and a cursory exam, before briefing his supervising Rheumatologist. Tam manages to make it very clear that she's in "horrific" pain and must have some pain medication to go, and perhaps a pain shot as well. She only manages to look mildly distressed. But, she makes a heroic effort, including standing up dramatically at one point as she's so "uncomfortable." I advise the good young doctor that Tam is addicted to her pain meds. Tam corrects me to say she's merely "dependent." Tomatoes, to-mah-toes, potatoes, po-tahhhh-toes.

The supervising physician and his young charge return to the room and the older doctor makes sure that she doesn't mind her mother being present, due to HIPPA law. He asks a few more questions and begins to advise Tam of his course of action, starting with a litany of blood tests, which may take several weeks to process and get the results. He's clearly interested in getting to the bottom of this medical mystery and she's clearly interested in obtaining pain meds and mentions it to him no fewer than twice in a matter of minutes.

She also informs him she has cervical cancer. Yes. Cancer. That is HUGE news to me as I have been to every GYN appointment with her and it was always, "pre-cancerous" spots on her cervix, that have to be removed surgically. However, she's been missing appointments and having medical issues that prevented her from getting the much needed surgery for months now, so it may well have progressed. I inform the doctor of this and Tam sternly corrects me that she does indeed have cancer!

I think the doctor has already had his "light-bulb" moment and he may be glad that this patient had her busy-body mother in the room after all.

With one more explicit request for pain medication, the attending doctor clearly and sternly states, "That's not my problem!" and refers her back to her primary care provide who routinely gives her vicodin....but, she missed that appointment that very morning! (Tam informs me later that she only has 5 vicodin left and she must get more before she has withdrawls.)

Instead, Tam is sent out with instructions to report to the lab to get a laundry list of blood work done. On the way out to the car, she informs me she is not going to get the blood work done that day as she was just too tired! WTH? I became somewhat irritated as after all, I am the one driving the 90 mile round trip and she doesn't "feel" like being a compliant patient and doing what the doctor has ordered.

I attempted to reason with her that it was important for her to get this lab work done as she may be labled "non-compliant" and specifically seeking drugs. But, it's to no avail and we drive back up the mountain.

When will she get the blood work done? I don't know. But, her behavior causes me to believe that she does NOT want to find out what the issue is, because it may cause them to treat her without the pain medication that she's become "dependent" on.

The whole episode makes me want to provide her with some ultimatums, such as get that bloodwork done or else...I am not exactly sure what that "or else" would be but I am thinking about that!

And...here it is several days later, and guess what! She hasn't gone into withdrawls! What about only having 5 pills? Hmmmm. It seems my resourceful daughter may have managed to get a friendly, charitable local dentist to provide her with a prescription the other day and I believe there've been a few "friends" helping her out as well because I sure haven't seen or heard of any withdrawls happening!

Yes, she certainly keeps my life interesting!

What else would I have to write about?

Six Word Saturday

Try to describe your life, or just today in 6 words! Here's mine!

Spring cleaning beckons; it can wait!

This is Cate's fun project, based upon a book she received as a gift.

She writes: The idea came from a book Joe bought me for Christmas. The book is: Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs by Writers Famous & Obscure and it was edited by Smith Magazine.

The book is based on Ernest Hemingway's short story, "For sale: baby shoes, never worn." The idea is to tell a story or describe your life in six words and the book is a collection of these. A few examples from the book jacket: "Found true love, married someone else." "After Harvard had baby with crackhead." It's interesting reading and has set me thinking in many directions so it might be worth checking out if that's your kind of thing.

The first book was so popular that they followed up with a second release. It's called Six-Word Memoirs on Love and Heartbreak: by Writers Famous and Obscure. And a third is now in the works.

Have fun people and go link back to her site with your Six Words! Click on her name above!

The High Cost of Living Ain't Nothing Like the Cost of Livin' High....

This song about addiction is excellent and dedicated to my Blogger friends in the recovery community! Take a few minutes and listen to the words of this song by country artist, Jamey Johnson. For you Country Music fans, he's the one who sings "In Color"...in which the little boy is asking his grandfather about a black and white photo and the man says.."You should have seen it in color!" as he reminisces about the actual event.




Lyrics

I was just a normal guy
Life was just a nine to five
With bills and pressure
Piled up to the sky
She never asked
She knew I'd be
Hangin' with my wilder friends
Looking for some other way to fly

And three days straight
Was no big feat
Could get by with no food or sleep
And crazy was becoming my new norm

I'd pass out on the bedroom floor
And sleep right through the calm
Before the storm

My life was just an old routine
Every day the same damn thing
I couldn't even tell I was alive

I tell you
The high cost of livin'
Ain't nothing like
The cost of livin' high

That southern Baptist parking lot
Is where I'd go to smoke my pot
Sit there in my pickup truck and pray
Staring at that giant cross
Just reminded me that I was lost
And it just never seemed
To point the way

As soon as Jesus turned his back
I find my way across the track
Lookin' just to score
Another deal
With my back against that damn
Eight ball
I didn't have to think or talk
Or feel

My life was just an old routine
Every day the same damn thing
I couldn't even tell I was alive

I tell you
The high cost of livin'
Ain't nothing like
The cost of livin' high

My whole life
Went through my head
Layin' in that motel bed
Watchin' as the cops
Kicked in the door

I had a job and a piece of land
My sweet wife was my best friend
But I traded that for cocaine
And a whore

With my new found sobriety
I've got the time to sit and think
Of all the things I had
And threw away

This prison is much colder than
That one that I was locked up
In just yesterday

My life is just an old routine
Every day the same damn thing
Hell, I can't even tell
If I'm alive

I tell you
The high cost of livin'
Ain't nothing like
The cost of livin' high

I tell you
The high cost of livin'
Ain't nothing like
The cost of livin' high

Leave that stuff alone

It Ain't Easy Bein' Me.....

Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.
-- Tallulah Bankhead

A 13 hour drive, straight through to the uppermost point of Northern California gives one a lot of time to ponder and reflect on choices, cause and effect, behavior and perceptions. Double that figure for up and back, couple it with the company of a truly enlightened and consciously mature "adult" as a traveling and conversation partner, and well, you can take some serious self-inventory. I think that was the whole point of the trip, according to the universe -as the planets aligned and the forces of good all joined together to send me and my sometimes irritatingly irrational self on my merry way. Of course, since I always like to think I am in total control of every aspect of my fascinating and often frustrating life......"I" disguised it as a trip to visit my family. Either way, it worked.



The spectacular, natural beauty of the area; sort of like being "one with nature" also has that calming influence when you appreciatively breathe it in as it surrounds you. This photo I snapped of a heavily snow laden Mt. Shasta does not do it justice. It is absolutely breath-taking in person and it will cause you to stop your incessant thinking and take a moment to be in the NOW.

But, I digress.

I recognize that my perceptions of my current world are often clouded by my childish fears, selfishness and obsessions. My Al-Anon sponsor sums it up in a way that my simple mind can understand, like this..... "Alcoholics obsess about alcohol." Codies....well, we often "obsess about people (especially our alcoholics/addicts) places, and things." Fortunately, I totally get the concept that I am not a "victim" of this world and that I must take full responsibility for the way I choose to "see things."

Just because I "get it" doesn't mean that I can always put it into practice. Most of the time I think I am doing rather well, rollin' with the flow and then SPLAT! You know...sometimes you're the windshield and sometimes you are the bug. Like a few weeks ago when I had that major emotional car crash....it was akin to ZERO to WTF just hit US? in 90 seconds!

Oh yeah! There was my emotionally crippled vehicle, suddenly spinning out of control; a shocking, blinding impact with devastating and totally unnecessary injuries to both parties. Then I attempted to assess blame on the unsuspecting and innocent 2nd party, and unsuccessfully attempted negotiations to come to what I thought was an entirely reasonable, albeit NON-mutual resolution (after all it IS all about ME, right?) and the requisite conditions and explicit expectations for any or all future contact between the parties. It was MY WAY or THE HIGHWAY!

Then.....there I was driving down the HIGHWAY. "So there!" I said to my stupid childish ego.

Even though I'd nursed my vehicle through about a week of rest and recuperation, it still wasn't operating quite right. I was miserable and still not running anything but my mouth. Clearly, further repairs were needed and it was time to attempt to make amends to the innocent party.

In my current favorite self-help book, A Return to Love authored by Marianne Williamson, she says, "All negativity derives from fear. When someone is angry, they are afraid. When someone is rude, they are afraid. When someone is manipulative, they are afraid. When someone is cruel, they are afraid. There is no fear that love doesn't dissolve. There is no negativity that forgiveness does not transform."

I was truly afraid and insecure when I caused that emotional wreck. Simply I was afraid that I was not getting the love or attention I felt I deserved in the manner in which I felt it should be shown. The screen play I had running through my head was not exactly what I envisioned. I reacted poorly to an innocent comment sent via email-which is always difficult to decipher, despite the fact that love was and is being demonstrated to me routinely in a variety of ways, shapes and forms. In that moment, I chose to react via my fears and muddied perceptions and the outcome was U-G-L-Y.

This recent trip down BOTH the literal and virtual highway gave me the opportunity to focus on my thinking and conscious growth. It was then that I decided to ask for forgiveness for my fear-based behavior from the innocent party. Once again, I was shown the love and understanding I would hope I'd be able to give so completely in return if the situation were reversed.

As Marianne Williamson writes, "God's idea of a "good relationship" and the ego's idea of one are completely different. To the ego, a good relationship is one in which another person basically behaves the way we want them to and never presses our buttons, never violates our comfort zones." (As our friend Syd said so eloquently...that's when the measuring stick comes into play.) Marianne continues, "But if a relationship exists to support our growth, then in many ways it exists to do just those things; force us out of our limited tolerance and inability to love unconditionally. We're not aligned with the Holy Spirit until people can behave in any way they choose to, and our inner peace isn't shaken."

I think the fact that I am now seeing my own neuroses, plus working toward change to love unconditionally, makes this all make perfect sense.

I thank God for this much needed thump on the head and a safe trip to visit with my beloved family.