Everything but love............

“Ever’thing there is but lovin’ leaves a rust on yo’ soul.”
~Langston Hughes

Yesterday, a friend; who’s an incredibly gifted writer, suggested that I take some of the quotes that I collect and expand upon them in my writing by illustrating their influence in my life‘s journey or by sharing experiences that I‘ve had which caused me to know the wisdom contained in that quote. I think that in my writing up to this point, I’ve done quite the opposite in searching for a quote that fits what I’d just written. Today marks the first day of doing what he suggests and the quote above is one that touched my heart this morning while reading the book, Courage to Change-One Day at a Time in Al-Anon II, a book of daily meditations.

My soul is weathered, rusty and insulated; struggling to break free of the corrosion, as if a mechanic were trying to loosen a rusty nut from an orange-crusted old bolt.

If we could compare the soul to iron or steel for example, the lack of love in one’s life, the.... “ever‘thing there is but lovin‘…..…like exposure to just air and water….will cause our souls to rust. And we all know that rusting has a number of effects on metal objects…it makes them weaker, replacing the once strong iron or steel with flaky powder.

Rust can slowly eat away at even the biggest piece of iron, breaking down once strong structures, leaving them with gaping holes. If our souls are like magnets, drawing the goodness of life and love to us, the rust will cause the magnet to not work as well. Since rust is an insulator, it will prevent the soul from conducting the magnificent electrical energy of love and zest for life.

On my spiritual journey, I am now aware of how the lack of love in my life has rusted my old soul. I am not just speaking of romantic love, but also the lack of love for one’s self due to a variety of reasons but mostly the overwhelming lack of self-esteem, deprivation of unconditional love as a child, or even fear-based misconceptions of a “loving” God. And…we can’t forget choices. The choices we make and where they lead us….many times away from love, the pure love and light that we are meant to experience on this journey called life.

My late Mother was suffering from her own demons when she brought 6 children; from at least 4 different troubled men into this world. Why would she bring that many children into the world when she had such a difficult time loving and caring for them? I don’t know. I don’t understand. I don’t know what caused that beautiful, but obviously insecure young woman to choose her path in life. But, now I have an idea.

In the book Conversations with God, authored by Neale Donald Walsh, God says “All human actions are motivated at their deepest level by one of two emotions-fear or love. In truth, there are only two emotions-only two words in the language of the soul.” He says, “Every human thought, and every human action, is based in either love or fear. There is no other human motivation, and all other ideas are but derivatives of these two. They are simply different versions---different twists on the same theme.”

I believe she was afraid. Maybe she feared being alone in life. She obviously didn’t love herself and she sought physical and maybe false “romantic” love as the answer. Time and time again she was thumped on the head with messages from the universe-often in the form of a demanding child and she just couldn’t see what was happening. I don’t think she ever tried to twist that tightly rusted nut on the stubborn bolt of her soul before she died too young at the age of 58, and that makes me sad. Very, very sad.

And, while I certainly had more than my share of a troubled childhood due to her poor choices, drug abuse and child neglect, I realize I can’t change the past. But, unlike my mother, I can have hope for an incredible future. I am working really hard to loosen that rusty nut/bolt and free my soul via self-improvement and expanding my consciousness on a daily basis.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross said, "The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others, but ourselves as well.”

I want to love others unconditionally and I want to be loved the same, for the incredible being that I am. I know I am not perfect, but I am full of perfect love that I will share with others and I will benefit from theirs as well, if they choose to give. And...I am not afraid.

In closing...so that you don’t think I have gone all mushy on you and that I've written something without even a little bit of humor, I will leave you with this quote from the movie Juno………..it’s the just the kind of unconditional love I am looking for…someone who thinks the sun shines outta my ass!!!

Wish me luck!!