Just call me...........

The new kitties have names.  Meet Greyson.  I know it's a pretty big name for such a little fella, but he's a State of California kitten.  Literally.  Born on state property.  And...Gray Davis was our Governor at one point, until Ahnold showed him and all those "girly men" what a real governor was all about! 

I used to think, who'd name a kid Gray? Well, now I've named a cat the same thing.  Kind of. 

Greyson still isn't feeling well, poor baby.  He just isn't acting like his fiesty brother, that Abbie named Thorn.  Who knows where she came up with that, but it works. Those little claws feel like really sharp thorns.  

Today I am going to take Greyson to the Vet and see if they can figure out what's going on with him.  He's still having difficulty with his stool and has a very sore bottom. 

Right now he doesn't want to do anything but cuddle.  And cry.  

Mama's feeling the same way as I sit here with my right leg in a cast for the 4th time in about the last 5 years. 

Just call me Grace.  I should have been named that in the first place.

(Update on Greyson...Thankfully, no Feline HIV or Leukemia (sp?) and no parasites, but they're worming him anyway.  Also, they're treating him for constipation with some stool softeners over the weekend and hopefully he'll be feeling better by Monday and get to come home.  Thorn is missing him.  Oreo couldn't care less!)

It's been a great weekend with Cindi, my best childhood friend here for a visit.

Today we did the touristy things, since it's been quite awhile since she's been here just for fun.  Our town is quickly becoming a weekend get-away or a scenic day trip for the "flat-landers" and we're rising to the occasion, with new stores, restaurants and gift shops of all kinds.

We had brunch at The Apple Shed, which was an old apple packing house, now converted into a restaurant, bakery and gift shop, all in one. You can smell it for blocks!   I had a bowl of luscious potato soup, and an open-faced, cashew-chicken salad served warm, with melted cheese, on an English Muffin.   

Besides the regular restaurant fare, they're famous for apple pies, turnovers, cinnamon rolls and about 25 different flavors of fudge that they make right there!  We sampled their Raspberry and Key Lime fudge today.  Mmmmmm!  I highly recommend both! 

The gift shop is huge with something for everyone.  It's always a good place to look for Bunco prizes too.  They've also got a collection of books and photo cards by locals, as well as specialty food items.  Of course, they sell apples too.  Lots of apples and people drive from miles around to get them from one of the many apple orchards in our community.

We drooled as we toured some model homes in a new development.  Our favorite was nearly $500,000!  How do people afford those places? 

Then we took our Sunday drive looking for a few photo opportunities and ended up at Indian Point Ostrich Ranch.  We visited their antique and gift shops, then out to see the birds, where I managed to get a few good shots.  In fact, I am hoping to make some greeting cards with the ostrich photos, to see if the owner would like to sell some in his shop, since I didn't see anything of the kind there. 

Baskin-Robbins (Home of 31 flavors) was our next stop and I grabbed two scoops of some of the featured ice cream....Truffles in Paradise, and Original Cinn.  Again, you can take my word for both flavors being absolutely scrumptious.  Cindi enjoyed her ice cream selections too, but I thought her flavors were neon, glow-in-the-dark looking, kid stuff.  Some people never grow up!  :)

We hit a few more gift shops, and then the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory, where this big kid got another caramel apple (German Chocolate) and Cindi bought some of their fresh fudge.

Then, since we'd had dessert first, we settled on home-made shredded beef tacos for dinner, made from some of the catered meat that my cousin Debbie sent home with us after her father's memorial service yesterday.  Very good stuff! 

Since tomorrow is a State holiday (yes! 3-day weekend), Cindi will head home in the morning, after we have breakfast and hit just one more gift shop that we missed today. 

So many stores, so little time!  

Our Newest Additions.........

Meet our new boys, yet unnamed.  The grey one is mine, the black one is Abs.  They're brothers and were hand-tamed by some of the guys at work and I surprised Abbie with them last night.  She was thrilled as she's definitely a cat person!   

I had promised Ab a kitten when we decided that the puppy was too much trouble, since we were always working and going to school.  So, here we are.  They were born on August 23rd and are so sweet, that I decided to take two. 

I hope they're healthy because the grey baby has been having problems with his bowels, like he's constipated.  Try as he may, he couldn't go.  So we "looked in to it" (eeewww) to see if we could figure out his problem.  His bottom was dirty with dried fecal matter that may have clogged him up.   Today we had to give his little bottom a bath and I had to resort to actually cutting off some matted hair in that area.  Then we stimulated him with a little mineral oil so he'd "go."   After taking care of Papa, this procedure was nothing.

Our Oreo is not the least bit happy at these little intruders and she's making it known. 

I guess she'll have to get over it.....or not. 

"P" is for Professional

As much as I love the psychiatrist, that I refer to as my "mental health professional" I was kinda taken aback by something he said yesterday while we were discussing my mental and physical health. Since I have gained ::gulp:: 12 pounds in the last year and a half, he decided that I needed to have some blood work done, to determine my cholesterol level, among other things. So he’s zipping through the questions, one right after another and says, "Any trouble peeing? Pain or burning when you pee?"

I’m thinking to myself……"Peeing?" Did this highly educated man with a super-charged medical degree say something so totally unprofessional sounding as the word "PEE?" Call me a prude, but as a highly functional and fairly literate depressed person, I understand the basic bodily functions when the proper terminology is used by my medical "professionals." You can say "urinate" to me and I know exactly what that means. In fact, I do it several times a day. And, sometimes I’ve been known to say "I have to pee!" especially when it’s a close call! But, I wouldn’t say it at work, or to my doctor, nor do I like it when they use that word with me.

Has the medical profession had to deal with so many dummies that they have to resort to everyday jargon, just so simple-minded idiots can be treated appropriately? Geez. I am really glad my gynecologist didn’t use too many slang words when I had my pap smear recently.

Can you imagine? Oh, my virgin ears!  :)

Sadder than Sad..........

Today I visited (sounds like we were just sittin’ around chatting) my "mental health professional" for the first time since Papa’s death.

I’ve seen this doctor for the past year and a half, due to a couple of major depressive episodes. He’s really thorough, personable and very understanding. Best of all, he’s been able to treat my depression pretty successfully with meds, which will now be increased. Although, I can take some credit in my improvement, because I have been a good patient too. I’ve participated in one-on-one counseling (none of that group stuff for me), and a variety of "self-help" such as journaling, reading motivational material, my photography, etc.

The doctor says that I am a "highly functioning" depressed person, which I suppose is a blessing. He says that my medication has kept me from really going under with all this loss lately. If this is "highly" functional, I guess my oldest daughter is at the other end of the spectrum. And, that is not good.

Tonight I stopped by the bookstore and bought some more books, two of which deal with grief. The "death" section was on some really low shelves, so I just pulled up a little stool and sat there and went through them one by one, (with tears streaming down my cheeks) until I found the ones that looked like they’d be helpful. One is entitled…How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies by Therese A. Rando, Ph. D. and the other is, Healing After Loss, Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief, by Martha Whitmore Hickman. Also, I bought a book entitled The Lord Is My Shepherd, Healing Wisdom of the Twenty-Third Psalm, authored by Harold S. Kushner, who wrote When Bad Things Happen to Good People. I enjoy Mr. Kushner’s simple writing style and his message always seems to hit home with me.

Last night I learned of another death in my extended family and that really hit me hard and I didn’t know the man personally. However, his beautiful daughter is married to my cousin and the two of them were very supportive of me while I dealt with my dad’s illness and death. Debbie’s father died suddenly at home and he was only 64. His wife was out of town, visiting family and came home to find him in that condition.

I can’t believe that Debbie is now dealing with a similar situation, so soon after helping me deal with my loss. She told me last night that I "inspired" her to do her father’s eulogy this Saturday for his memorial. That was really touching to hear…Bless her heart! I wish her strength and peace as she delivers her tribute to her father and I will be there in person to show my support.

If you would, please join me in saying a little prayer for Debbie and her family at this difficult time.

The Business of Living......

It was a busy and somewhat productive week and a pretty enjoyable weekend for us. I consider it progress in my efforts to get back to the business of living.

Besides all that was going on with Ab at the fair, I tried to accomplish some things around the house. You know, the domestic basics….laundry, trash, dishes….those types of things. I worked on some more Thank You notes and even got them mailed, but I still have a few to go. Those are kinda therapeutic because it requires some thought and I am also being creative, by using some of the photographs I’ve taken recently and making them into cards. They’ve turned out pretty nice, if I do say so myself!

On Tuesday I went back to Bunco for the first time in a few months. It was fun and I won a triple layered fall-scented candle that I will "re-gift." I can’t count how many candles I have won at Bunco.  Geez.  I was thinking I’d probably give it and a restaurant gift card to Ab’s Junior Farmer advisor, who was so good to her and taught her so much with her lamb project.

At lunch time I would leave work and accomplish some bill-paying or other such errands, but having to make such a quick turnaround in the short time allotted just elevated my stress level. And, then I end up grabbing some fast food to eat on the run, which does nothing for my diet or acid reflux problem. So, I figure I’d better take care of that stuff in the evenings from now on, as much as possible. My kitchen table is once again becoming stacked with unopened mail and junk that needs to be sorted, so I plan to work on some of that this afternoon.

Also at work, my new boss (a business major and a mathematical genius) and I sat down and figured out my most profitable retirement date, considering upcoming raises, an "Air Time" purchase, which is buying non-state service credit time by rolling over my 457 savings, etc.……which is……..July 1, 2006! Yippee! Less than 2 years! And, I will go out with 30 years service at age 52! There really is life after prison! Really, she’s not trying to get rid of me! In fact, she’s retiring in less than 60 days. She’s just so good at those calculations and understands it way better than I.   I am going to go look on eBay for one of those retirement countdown clocks to put on my desk! Wooo-hoo!

Ab and I ate an enjoyable breakfast at Henry’s on Saturday morning, then made plans for a donut afterwards. Instead, we settled on something from the Rocky Mountain Fudge Factory. Ab chose fudge and I got a caramel apple that was also dipped in white chocolate, and covered in dark chocolate sprinkles. For the most part….life is good!

Then we headed off to the local fabric store to purchase Ab’s supplies for the quilt project that her teacher’s starting with the students. She is so excited and I hope it creates a life long interest in the art of quilting, especially since I don’t sew. The above photo shows the fabrics that she selected and I think they will make a fantastic, colorful quilt!  In addition to the fabrics, this store had some of the most incredible folk-type holiday decorations for sale!  I just couldn’t resist the Nativity scene that I found there!  It’s made by an artist named Jim Shore, who calls his line, Heartwood Creek and in fact, I just saw some of his work for sale last night on QVC as I was flipping TV channels.  Gorgeous stuff!   The 3 Wise Men are pictured up there with Ab's fabric.

One thing that little trip to the fabric store did was spur my interest in getting busy on my holiday decorating that I really love to do. So, yesterday I pulled out the Halloween items and did some dusting and up they went. When Ab noticed it, she said…."Mom, can we get a Christmas tree this year?"  It about broke my heart, since last year, with Bubba’s absence and Papa’s hospitalization we never did get our tree up.

This year, during the holiday season, we’ll be back into the swing of things, despite it being a lot different around here with the loss of our loved ones.

The Journey Through My Losses

Having finished my second week back at work, I find my concentration level getting somewhat better. My staff tell me that I’ve made some excellent decisions on a few significant issues, and to their dismay, discovered a few significant errors in their work. However, I can’t remember what they were, so the short term memory circuits are still malfunctioning. Even so, my brain may be slowly healing. Regardless, I am seeing the psychiatrist this week and will probably ask him to increase the dosage on my anti-depressant to help.

In reality, I have had two major losses in my life in a one year period, because when Bubba ran away, it seemed just like a death. He was suddenly gone from our lives and is still gone. With no contact from him, it’s also the death of our relationship and a major change in family dynamics. I was still in mourning for that stomach-churning loss, when dealing with rapid decline in Papa’s health/illness and subsequent death. Double whammy! And…in less than a one year period, my immediate family has been cut in half.

Hospice sent me a great 52 page booklet entitled; A Journey Through Loss, with topics such as Giving Yourself Permission to Grieve, Depression, How Long Will This Grief Last, Secondary Losses, Spirituality, etc. I read through all of it last night, but will refer to it daily for help getting through this experience. Today, the message in The Feeling of Falling Apart seemed appropriate:

All loss creates a condition of grief; this is normal.

Feelings of irrationality and absurdity bombard you. You are overwhelmed. Decision-making is difficult, communicating with others strenuous. Disorganization and confusion best describe your life. You feel clumsy. (Hey…Isn't this what I said in my journal's About Me section!) Completing routine tasks seems nearly impossible. Grieving has a way of tearing you down emotionally and physically. All of this is temporary. Even though this is a new experience, you will work through this pain.

A Healing Thought: By living one day at a time, you discover simple ways to cope with devastating times.

Fly Boy's New Friend......

Inspiration is the act of drawing up a chair to the writing desk.

~Author Unknown

This morning while I lay in bed listening to the sounds of "progress"………in the form of the incredible amount of new homes being built around me, I thought about how much this neighborhood and the land that surrounds it has changed since my kids were little.  Feeling inspired, here's the story..............

My house is "in town" but when I had it built 15 years ago, it sat hidden on a set-back corner all by itself, in a small neighborhood of a few custom homes. Many of the building lots were empty for years and every once in a while a new home would go up. At first I’d be irritated that our little corner of the world was changing, but I have had the good fortune of having some great families as neighbors and I managed to adjust to the growth. We’re surrounded on three sides, by fields that were once thriving apple orchards, producing a variety of apples for which this area is famous. For reasons unknown, those orchards were abandoned, and the trees uprooted to decay like ugly skeletons upon the dry dirt. Other farmland with aging out-buildings sat unattended. It’s all now the site of hundreds of new homes in the various building stages.

While it wasn’t park like, the area was a giant backyard for the neighborhood kids, including mine. It was where Bubba and Ab rode their bikes over the specially designed "jumps" that they’d take hours to perfect, pretending they were awesome professional BMXers. It was where Bubba used the dirt "track" to push his go-kart its limit, ultimately breaking the frame. All of my kids and their friends used their imagination and the available building materials to create forts and clubhouses. It was where Barbie Dolls and GI Joes and their sports cars and jeeps, spent some special time and came home just as dirty as their little owners.

Fly Boy and Parker would spend hours there, shooting off and later searching for their model rockets. With Papa’s supervision and shared knowledge, they’d gain a greater understanding of mechanics and aerodynamics. There were fire ant colonies to disturb and colorful lizards and slithering snakes to hunt. The odor of skunk often permeated the air and sometimes they’d show up on our front porch to chow down on cat food. There were family walks in the cool summer evenings and places to sled when it snowed. Sheltering elm trees beckoned to be climbed. It was a place for quiet walks with friends and I am sure for a few stolen first kisses, but none of the kids would ever admit to something like that.

It was every kid’s dream backyard.... Safe, until mom had a fit when Bubba and Ab befriended a homeless man living among the trees and found that they took a walk with him to the local convenience store. So much for the oft repeated "no talking to strangers" speech. But, one of Bubba’s nicknames is……"Loop Hole", since he always managed to find one in every scenario that perfectly fit his wants and needs. Mom never said "Don’t go on a walk with a stranger! Let’s go Ab!" Arrrgggghhhh!

That field was also favorite spot for our local Basque shepherds who would bring their herds to graze on the dry weeds and wildflowers. The shepherd would have to remain vigilant, because sometimes the sheep would stray off into our yards and munch on our green grass and flowers. When he wasn’t watching closely enough, it became our job, lest we find we had absolutely no landscaping left, by the time they were rounded up. A neighbor can attest to how much destruction 60 unattended sheep can accomplish in your average size front yard.

One day when Fly Boy was young, he called me into the backyard saying, "Can I keep it Mom? Please? Huh, can I keep it puhleese?"  That was my first up close encounter with a sheep; a sickly sheep at that. Snot running, crying, skinny and it’s wool filled with foxtails, this poor creature was left behind when the flock headed off to greener pastures.  Literally.

Fly Boy, ever the animal lover, decided it needed a new home…….in our backyard!

"Well, first of all son we live in the city and we can’t…..I said, as calmly as a mother could be, being the proud new owner of a horribly ill sheep, yet surely sounding suitably concerned for it’s well-being, I yelled…."What the hell were you thinking?"

"Mom, it followed me home!" he said. Swell, I thought. Now what am I going to do with this snotty nosed sheep that can’t live in my backyard? So, I called Papa, who was living nearby and he had to come see for himself! A few minutes later, Papa and a neighbor arrived with a pickup truck. They instructed Fly Boy and his friends to load that animal in the back of the truck so they could hunt down the shepherd and this little guy’s long lost friends.

I watched as the dust rose in the field as they traveled off behind a row of trees in search of the shepherd. When they found him, he said, "No speaky English" and used some universal sign language that Papa quickly understood to mean that he didn’t want that sheep. Kinda like a Basque/English combination for……"That damn sickly lookin’ poor excuse for a sheep ain’t mine. Nope, let’s see here……59 sheep.

Yep...That’s exactly how many I am supposed to have! Right Sparky?" while he smiled and kindly patted the sheepdog’s head.

Papa wasn’t no dummy (Okie speak) and he used some universal sign language his own self, along with some words that probably sounded like…."Sum Beach" to the shepherd and then unloaded that cryin' animal right at his feet!

Heading back to the house, Papa smiled as the dust from his tracks covered the shepherd, who now had 60 little lambs.

And that my friends, was the last time we had anything to do with a snotty nosed sheep, until Jake, of course.

Going, Going, Gone.....Sold @ $3.25 a pound!

This is a photo of Abbie today on the auction stage, posing Jake as he was was purchased for $3.25 a pound!

Since he weighed in at 121 pounds, she's going to make a little profit which will go in her savings account.  Of course, she'd rather spend every dime at someplace like Hot Topic the minute she gets her hands on it, but I am making her save at least half of the money.  I had her believing that she was going to have to pay me back for the cost of the lamb and his feed, but tonight I surprised her and told her that it was my donation for doing such a good job! 

Next year she's going to have to purchase her lamb with this year's profits, and she's decided she'd like to raise an Oxford lamb.  Jake is a cross-breed, but I'm not sure about the parent's breed.

I don't know what's up with her tie in this picture, and geez, why do they make them wear white clothes for livestock projects.  You have no idea how dirty those kids can get in just a few minutes wrestling with those animals.  Sometimes I got dirty just standing near him.  Today, probably as a final goodbye as we walked to the auction barn, he slung some slobber on my arm.  Yuk!  He was pretty reluctant to head over there as it was and made some noise as he was heading up the ramp to the stage.  Poor baby....he may have known his fate. 

Those auctioneers are awesome to watch, but I have a hard time understanding them since they are going so fast.  But I guess the buyers know what they're saying.  I learned tonight that there is a school for people to attend to become an auctioneer!  Who woulda thought? 

After the auction we had a delicious potluck with all the kids and parents, then it was time for some fun.  Ab got her allowance and an extra 20 bucks from me and then she and her friend were off and running to the midway for the rides. 

Trish's family and I went through the exhibits and I chowed down on a wonderful "Apple Dumpling" from the Teen Challenge booth.  I had one last year and it was heavenly!  It's a cored green apple, filled with a buttery, cinnamon and sugar mixture, then baked with an outer crust and served hot with a cream cheese frosting.  Oh my gosh...it is so good! 

Good thing they're only available once a year!  Mmmmmmm!  

In Other News........

Besides yesterday’s earthquake, our area was in the news for something else pretty significant and historical. SpaceShipOne was launched just a few miles from here and lots of local folks were there to watch. The daughter-in-law of a friend of mine, just began a job at Mr. Rutan’s company, so her whole family was invited to see history in the making. How cool is that? It’s something that our Papa would have loved to witness.

Speaking of cool and SpaceShipOne….Ab has a classmate, whose father also works for Mr. Rutan. So he had each of the kids in the class do an art project that is going to go up in space during the next flight, which may be next Monday. Each item will be "stamped" somehow showing the details of the flight! Definitely something to frame and pass on down for generations! Ab said she drew her name on a lime green background, and then decorated it with flames and nautical stars! Now that’s cool! Tam and I decided that it’s way more cool than the letter she received from President Reagan when she was a little girl!

More exciting stuff….Ab’s lamb placed 10th in the "market showing" portion of the county fair yesterday! She did excellent for her first time! She remained in control of the lamb, posing him the proper way for him to catch the judges eye and it must have worked, because there were 17 lambs in her class and she did pretty darn good. Papa was surely watching this event from above!

Tomorrow is the auction portion and we’ll, say "So long" to Jake. ::Sniff:: Maybe. That is…….if he is purchased at auction. I hear they usually go for about $3.00 a pound. We’ll see.

Lamb chops anyone?

(I know…I am soooo baaaaaaaaaad! Get it? Baaaaaaaaaa-like in sheep speak?)