Sadder than Sad..........

Today I visited (sounds like we were just sittin’ around chatting) my "mental health professional" for the first time since Papa’s death.

I’ve seen this doctor for the past year and a half, due to a couple of major depressive episodes. He’s really thorough, personable and very understanding. Best of all, he’s been able to treat my depression pretty successfully with meds, which will now be increased. Although, I can take some credit in my improvement, because I have been a good patient too. I’ve participated in one-on-one counseling (none of that group stuff for me), and a variety of "self-help" such as journaling, reading motivational material, my photography, etc.

The doctor says that I am a "highly functioning" depressed person, which I suppose is a blessing. He says that my medication has kept me from really going under with all this loss lately. If this is "highly" functional, I guess my oldest daughter is at the other end of the spectrum. And, that is not good.

Tonight I stopped by the bookstore and bought some more books, two of which deal with grief. The "death" section was on some really low shelves, so I just pulled up a little stool and sat there and went through them one by one, (with tears streaming down my cheeks) until I found the ones that looked like they’d be helpful. One is entitled…How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies by Therese A. Rando, Ph. D. and the other is, Healing After Loss, Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief, by Martha Whitmore Hickman. Also, I bought a book entitled The Lord Is My Shepherd, Healing Wisdom of the Twenty-Third Psalm, authored by Harold S. Kushner, who wrote When Bad Things Happen to Good People. I enjoy Mr. Kushner’s simple writing style and his message always seems to hit home with me.

Last night I learned of another death in my extended family and that really hit me hard and I didn’t know the man personally. However, his beautiful daughter is married to my cousin and the two of them were very supportive of me while I dealt with my dad’s illness and death. Debbie’s father died suddenly at home and he was only 64. His wife was out of town, visiting family and came home to find him in that condition.

I can’t believe that Debbie is now dealing with a similar situation, so soon after helping me deal with my loss. She told me last night that I "inspired" her to do her father’s eulogy this Saturday for his memorial. That was really touching to hear…Bless her heart! I wish her strength and peace as she delivers her tribute to her father and I will be there in person to show my support.

If you would, please join me in saying a little prayer for Debbie and her family at this difficult time.