Oh Please! Would you just come out now and yell..."April Foooooollllls!"

This is all a JOKE, right?


Some of my yesterdays have been pretty tough recently.

"Pretty tough?"

Certainly, an understatement, wouldn't ya think?

I have been on an emotional and physical roller-coaster which is contributing to me having a nuclear meltdown of sorts. Ummmm. Let's see.... What could have possibly caused such earth-shattering ruckus on the home front? An evil torture machine (mammogram) and it's operator gone wild? Verbal abuse and threats from my teenage terrorist...I mean "Sweet Child of Mine" and her subsequent escape (running away) from her dysfunctional home filled with hormonal women? Three hours yesterday in the Dentist's chair for a crown prep? The sad dissolution of a long-term friendship because I reacted to my feelings of rejection, AGAIN?

What is that handy-dandy AA/Al-Anon acronym for Self-Care that I just heard about and obviously haven't used?




Oh yes, HALT!

Hungry or Hurt (I've seen it and like it with either/or!)
Angry
Lonely
Tired

Our emotional resilience is not going to be in top form when we are feeling any of those things listed above and in recovery speak, we can "relapse" into our "old belief systems." Unfortunately, since some of my belief systems are damn near antique yet haven't matured, they can be as active as a young whipper-snapper at the most inopportune times!

But, I know I am a work in constant progress, regardless of whether certain folks close to me can see it, or would choose to consider that fact when I am in "reaction" mode. My inner little girl just wants to know that she is loved, worthy and supported, at those times when she's not feeling it.

Little Lisa likes to stomp her foot and say "Please just love me and tell me that everything's going to be okay!" Yet, some people just can't or won't do that for her. And she just doesn't understand.

Why can't they? Why not? She wonders, because she knows she's good and kind and loving; a delightful, smart girl.

So she cries.

Begs!

Pleads.

Then, she stomps her feet some more but nothing changes. She falls to the ground in a heap, sobbing and telling herself that someone, someday will love her, just like she's been wishing for her whole life!

And...it was all because she was hurt, angry, lonely and so fuckin' tired!

THE END.

Good night!