Oh...Him Again

A couple of weeks ago, I ran into “Him” at the grocery store, AGAIN. It was about the 4th time in a 6 month period that we nearly crashed carts while quietly absorbed in the wonder of the vast assortment of cheese to select from in the cold case aisle of our friendly Albertson’s or while perusing Save Mart‘s meat section. Actually, this time I was coochie-cooing the adorable toddler grandson of one my Bunco partners; who I saw standing in the Express Lane, when he approached and wrapped me in a big bear hug!

I smiled in amazement at the odds of running into “Him” again in one of the two major grocery stores in our town, knowing there are really no accidents in this web of constant cosmic connections, but then discounted it with my rational side, thinking “Well, we’ve all got to eat!”

Me: “I sent you a card the other day!”

Him: “I got it today!”

Me: “Really! How about that!”

Him: “Hey, I’ve been meaning to call you about going out to dinner! How about this weekend?” he smiled enthusiastically. (I recalled hearing exactly that statement from him during our last supermarket encounter!)

Me: “Ummm. Actually, I am busy this weekend. I am going outta town! You know I mentioned in my card that I am going to Al-Anon now…learning to deal with things involving the girls…so I am taking a little time for me this weekend and visiting a friend up North! I am really starting to enjoy life and my retirement!” I said sincerely with a big smile.

Of course, I am not stoooopid-I didn’t mention that the friend I was going to see was my would-be Prince Charming who surprisingly had invited me back for a second weekend visit at his safe haven. And…I began to feel pretty damn smug that there were TWO men who seemed interested in my fabulous company in the same weekend and I was turning one down!) “Life just keeps getting better and better!” I said.

Him: “Well…How about next weekend? Let’s plan on next weekend. Will that work?”

Me: “Sure,” I said, “Give me a call!” He said he’d call, then kissed me on the cheek as we said our quick goodbyes and I walked away a little lighter on my feet thinking I was doing alright for a pudgy woman who was nearly 55 years old.

Feast or famine? It was my turn for a feast! You know…the…So many men…so little time stuff! I hadn’t felt this good since I paid eHarmony to send me tons of so-called “compatible singles” like dick, yes dick…not Capital D-Dick….just dick……that I could turn down without even a word. Just a click of the mouse and dick…….and his friends were gone! GAWD….how I hated the whole internet dating stuff and I’ve vowed to NEVER, ever do that again.

It was wonderful to consider that the two single men now sorta interested in my company were actually compatible in my book. I previously worked with both and we’d achieved the same success in our careers and we were all once extremely passionate about our work. It’s nice to have someone in your life who understands that part of you that can get excited about placing someone in handcuffs (get your mind outta the gutter), large riots and the aroma of OC pepper spray permeating from some tough guy in a holding cell, who’s now crying like a big baby because he’s been thoroughly doused for some bonehead decision he elected to make. Seems like we never grow tired of “war stories” even though we’re all retired now.

Both men are the type that know how to treat a lady and are easy to just “be” with in that comfortable, “old shoe” sort of way. They’re good conversationalists, well read, and good writers. They’re handsome, manly men with their own interests, who wouldn’t deny a woman theirs. And having worked in the same business, they can appreciate my accomplishments as I do theirs, and they aren’t intimidated by any of it.

I could rattle on and on about the merits of both, but my would-be Prince Charming reads this blog sometimes and he might get the idea that I kinda like him.

Nothing could be further from the truth. **rolls eyes**

Nope, I am keeping my options open and am relying on lessons learned about expectations. “Expectations are just future disappointments in the making” said my wise therapist recently.

While I would like to expect that Mr. Grocery Shopper would have called like he said he would, I didn‘t for a minute have any expectations that he would do so…. as he said that before. I also know that past behavior is an indication of future behavior. So when he didn’t call by Wednesday or Thursday to make plans for our dinner date this weekend…I made mine. I was busy, busy, busy and thoroughly productive as well.

It's Sunday afternoon and he still hasn’t called. Not that I thought he meant Sunday as part of the "weekend" anyway.

I’ve decided to take those cosmic connections in the grocery store as another lesson or… two….. that I needed to have reinforced.

I’m shopping elsewhere.

Internet Dating

To reach any significant goal, you must leave your comfort zone.

~Steven Covey

 

Papa used to say he’d get married again when he needed help back and forth to the bathroom. Me? I’ve decided to start looking now considering I ain‘t gettin‘ any younger.

So, I stepped way out of my comfort zone. Yep. I joined one of those online dating services; the one that claims it‘s “Different” with “Thousands of Success Stories!” You know the one, founded by the grandfatherly Doctor; a relationship “expert” who combined “clinical expertise with the latest technology” (a computerized Personality Profile) to help millions find the right person for life-long love and happiness.

Compatibility is the key according to our relationship expert and his detailed questionnaire will measure the intricate facets of a person to include the “29 dimensions that are most important in relationship success.”

Now, supposedly he finds you matches, based upon some of the important dimensions. The introductory profile information lists three of the “Relationship Strengths” from the person’s Personality Profile, his best life-skills, how his friends would describe him, what he’s passionate about in life, what he’s thankful for and how he spends his leisure time. Then of course is the list of things you two have in common. You may also receive a photo of your match, or he can share it with you at a later stage. The next step is for one of you to begin communicating with the other match by selecting 5 questions out of a possibility of 20 or so that they provide for you to ask your match.

Call me picky, but any woman who’s worked around convicted felons as long as I have can quickly spot an idiot. Who knew there were that many on one dating service? I have “closed” matches on 55 of ‘em.

The latest………………………

Meet dick. Yes dick. Not Capital D…Dick. Just dick. Obviously dick doesn’t know how to capitalize his name.

I don’t know. Maybe he had potential; he’s 55 and a successful Real Estate Appraiser, who lives about 45 minutes away. But you know….I just find it hard (no pun intended) to refer to someone as “Dick.” Try introducing your new boyfriend “Dick” to your 13 year old daughter.  It just wouldn’t work.

Although, it wasn’t just his name that sealed his fate with me, it was his choice of introductory questions that he asked me to answer.  Well, actually it was just one of the 5 that was a real turn-off for me and I felt it was indicative (again, no pun intended) of his true colors.

The offending question:

How do you feel about premarital sex?

Answers available:

0 I am completely opposed to it.

0 As long as marriage is imminent, it is okay.

0 In the context of a loving relationship, it is okay.

0 I accept sex as a natural part of dating.

0 _________________________________________________.

 

There was just not enough room in that fill in the blank section for me to completely answer this question as I wanted.

Something like…………Dick!  Dick…….Dude…is this really a problem for you? How many 50 year old women have you dated that have decided to save themselves for their 2nd marriage?

So, instead I just closed the match.  You know, I have a feeling there are a lot of Dicks out there.

I may be single for quite awhile.