In Other News........

Besides yesterday’s earthquake, our area was in the news for something else pretty significant and historical. SpaceShipOne was launched just a few miles from here and lots of local folks were there to watch. The daughter-in-law of a friend of mine, just began a job at Mr. Rutan’s company, so her whole family was invited to see history in the making. How cool is that? It’s something that our Papa would have loved to witness.

Speaking of cool and SpaceShipOne….Ab has a classmate, whose father also works for Mr. Rutan. So he had each of the kids in the class do an art project that is going to go up in space during the next flight, which may be next Monday. Each item will be "stamped" somehow showing the details of the flight! Definitely something to frame and pass on down for generations! Ab said she drew her name on a lime green background, and then decorated it with flames and nautical stars! Now that’s cool! Tam and I decided that it’s way more cool than the letter she received from President Reagan when she was a little girl!

More exciting stuff….Ab’s lamb placed 10th in the "market showing" portion of the county fair yesterday! She did excellent for her first time! She remained in control of the lamb, posing him the proper way for him to catch the judges eye and it must have worked, because there were 17 lambs in her class and she did pretty darn good. Papa was surely watching this event from above!

Tomorrow is the auction portion and we’ll, say "So long" to Jake. ::Sniff:: Maybe. That is…….if he is purchased at auction. I hear they usually go for about $3.00 a pound. We’ll see.

Lamb chops anyone?

(I know…I am soooo baaaaaaaaaad! Get it? Baaaaaaaaaa-like in sheep speak?)

A Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On.......

Here’s what’s been shakin’ around here! Really, shaking. 5.0 on the Richter Scale.

Earth-shattering news for sure!

At 3:55 today our little town was rattled again by the White Wolf fault, that shoots off the famous and huge San Andreas Fault that we just happen to sit upon. And, not very securely, I might add. In 1952 this mountain town was severely damaged by a deadly quake that took the lives of several people as they slept early that morning. Fortunately, today there was no significant damage from what I’ve been told. At work we found a broken steam pipe under one of the buildings, but since that place is so old, they’re really not sure when the break occurred. But, good looking out to whomever found it.

I never used to be concerned about earthquakes. Having been in this area all my life, I am used to them and didn’t fear them in the least. In fact, I found them rather interesting and would just enjoy the experience as a fascinating part of life. That is, until about 4-5 years ago, when we had two serious shakers in about 2 hours. I think it was the Landers and the Big Bear quakes that particular day. They were the strongest I had ever experienced and I gained a healthy respect for the power of Mother Nature right then and there. I can’t remember if that was before the horrifying Northridge quake or not. But that one was a real thriller too and of course, the devastation to those in the immediate area was incredible.

We Californians know that we are way overdue for the BIG ONE and we always joke about the ocean front property we’ll have. I am just hoping that it’s not anything like the one that was in Iran not too long ago, where they had to bury something like….50,000 poor souls. Scary.

Wish You Were Here...........

You do not have a soul.

You are a soul.

You have a body.

~ C. S. Lewis

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, I survived my first week back at work since Papa’s death. I knew it would be rough, and it was since everything is still so fresh. Raw is probably a better word to describe my emotional state. One little touch and it begins to hurt, bad. Really bad. My friendly co-workers gave me hugs, kisses and sweet condolences and those poor souls who didn’t comment about it, were subject to hearing about it anyway. Then my tears would start to well up. Then I’d get sad and embarrassed. Then they are horribly uncomfortable and probably hoping for a quick getaway or a well-timed interruption.

Obviously, I am human but sometimes I hate that part of me that is just sooooo…..well, fragile. Cute commercials can make me cry. If you are a fan of country music…have you noticed how many songs have to do with death lately? Now one of those will just about put me over the edge, teetering as I am. I know, it’s part of the natural grieving process. Some of it is probably menopause. Most of it is just me.

In my entry the other day about my faith being tested, I mentioned that I had been looking for a sign, from God or Papa, letting me know that all is well with his soul and that I will see him again. I have really been looking. But, I realize that it’s like looking for love. It’s going to happen when you least expect it, not when you are searching.

Papa alwaysenjoyed watching the Red Tail Hawks, (known as Messenger of the Gods in Native American lore) soar above our mountains. He always considered it a wonderful sign from the creator, especially, if one flew right over us as we were driving. We were then sure of good news, a great day or something special happening in our lives.

So, as I drove home for lunch on Thursday, I was especially sad, mourning my loss. Listening to my favorite country station, I heard 3 songs in a row, that had to do with death.

I became teary and overwhelmed with the sadness that I felt, missing my father. But I listened carefully to the words of the last song, a song about Heaven that was playing at the very moment that I saw my sign……….

A huge, majestic red-tail hawk, circled over the road right in front of me!

He soared, soaring higher and higher and over me once more, just as the lyrics said………..

Wish you were here, wish you could see this place! Wish you were near, I wish I could touch your face. The weather’s nice, it’s paradise…….. Wish you were here!

Coincidence?  Maybe.  I'd rather think it was my sign from Papa.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wish You Were Here~Mark Wills

They kissed goodbye at the terminal gate
She said, "You're gonna be late if you don't go"
He held her tight, said, "I'll be alright
I'll call you tonight to let you know"
He bought a postcard, on the front it just said Heaven
With a picture of the ocean and the beach
And the simple words he wrote her
Said he loved her and they told her
How he'd hold her if his arms would reach

Wish you were here, wish you could see this place
Wish you were near, I wish I could touch your face
The weather's nice, it's paradise
It's summertime all year and there's some folks we know
They say, "Hello, I miss you so, wish you were here."

She got a call that night but it wasn't from him
It didn't sink in right away, ma'am the plane went down
Our crews have searched the ground
No survivors found she heard him say
But somehow she got a postcard in the mail
That just said Heaven with a picture of the ocean and the beach
And the simple words he wrote her
Said he loved her and they told her
How he'd love her if his arms would reach

Wish you were here, wish you could see this place
Wish you were near, I wish I could touch your face
The weather's nice, it's paradise
It's summertime all year and there's some folks we know
They say, "Hello, I miss you so, wish you were here"

The weather's nice, in paradise
It's summertime all year and all the folks we know
They say, "Hello, I miss you so, wish you were here"
Wish you were here

Happy as a Pig in a Poke.......

This guy was enjoying the weather at our County Fair a lot more than me today!  It was about 97 degrees down there.  Yuk. 

Ab joined Junior Farmers this year, and has been raising a lamb to show and sell at the fair, and it's finally that time!  I think she was kinda anxious about it all this morning, because we had to pull over on the side of the road so she could puke.  That's never happened before.  But there again, she's never done anything like this, ever.  She was fine the rest of the day, thank goodness.

Today was the health check and weigh in and Jake weighed 121 pounds.  He was healthy, happy and well behaved.  Tomorrow is the "showmanship" portion of the event where the kids are judged in the ring. Tuesday the lamb will be judged in the "market show" portion and Friday, the lambs will be sold at auction.  Thankfully, she's not too attached.  I believe she sees the dollar signs a'coming.   

The kids were busy doing the last minute shearing today and that's quite a job in itself, especially in this heat.  It was impressive to see them all work together and help one another to get the job done.  

Ab was there from about 12 noon until 8:00 this evening and she was dirty, hungry and tired when it was all said and done.  She's going to have to sleep fast, because she's got to be there at..... ::cringe::....6:30 a.m. tomorrow to bathe Jake before the showmanship trial.  I'll post pictures of them both later! 

Wish her luck! 

I've Gotta Have Faith.........

Never have I been accused of being "religious." I would say that I’ve been more of a spiritual person instead. My maternal grandmother probably fostered a lot of that thinking, as she was way before her time with her "New Age" ideas.

I was baptized in the Lutheran Church as a little one. I remember enjoying the ritual aspects of the services, and can still sing my favorite hymn…Praise God from whom all blessings flooooow, Praise Him all creatures here beloooooow……

We moved a lot, so we weren’t always attending a Lutheran church, sometimes it was one of those "hell-fire and brimstone" kind. Services at those churches often scared me into believing what they wanted me to believe. I often wondered if being "saved" actually turned you into a wholly different person. Back then, the very thought of more change in my life really frightened me. Besides, I was a well behaved, smart little girl and I was God-fearing. But my "God" was my parents, since I knew they meant business. I’d get whipped with a switch from the Elm tree or the razor strap in the bathroom. That was enough to deter me from veering off the straight and narrow. I can only remember one time that I needed to go pick out the switch.

As an adult, I haven’t been much into what I consider the confines of organized, traditional religion, rather, I strive to live my life in a very loving, kind, moral and ethical way. I have tried hard to believe in a "higher power" but I have doubted His existence.

My faith, or what little I had, was horribly shaken a few years back when my wonderful, loving sister Kim, (a 39 year old extremely good mother of two) was diagnosed and eventually died of a rare form of breast cancer, shortly after her diagnosis. Of all people, I felt that Kim was the last person that should suffer such a tragedy, since she’d had way more than her share of hard knocks in life. Kim’s situation caused me to question God. A loving God? What kind of loving God allowed things like that to happen?

I reacted by spiraling into a deep depression, and I began searching for answers. It was then that I picked up thebook, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, by Rabbi Harold Kushner. It all began to click. God didn’t "DO" these things to people. He didn’t sit up there and say, "Hmmmmm, today I think I will give Kim, ummmmm let’s see…Inflammatory Breast Cancer and let it ravage her body within a year. She’ll leave her two young children behind to be raised by their diabetic, disabled father and they’ll all learn what tough times are all about! Yes, that’s what I’ll do."

That book caused me to change my thinking and count my blessings, realizing that life is a journey and basically, we all face challenges and trials, and truly, lots of crap happens. Some of us are luckier than others and some folks have it roll right on by. I’ve certainly had my share of late, but I know of others who have had way more to deal with in their lives. God knows that Papa had more than anyone should have to endure in one lifetime, over the past couple of years and in his younger days, when he had Cancer and TB.

After seeing the movie, The Passion of the Christ, I became convinced that God was real. I wanted to believe, with all my heart. I had faith like never before.

But once again………….my faith is being tested and I find myself looking for a sign from God, or Papa….that all is well with his beautiful soul, that I will see him again, that life is eternal.

I am so sad and doubtful.

Can you hear me now?

I used to be really good at listening to others. It’s really important in my line of work and I’ve had some excellent training in crisis management and negotiations. That training was very helpful to me, especially since I truly believe I have a form of attention deficit disorder. I learned to focus on the person, and to try to determine what they were really saying. I learned feedback, and paraphrasing what you believed they were saying and asking for clarification when necessary. I learned to ask open-ended questions, to get people to talk, especially about themselves.

But, I think I’ve lost a lot of that ability and frankly, my interest due to depression and all the stress in my life the past couple of years. Too wrapped up in my own issues. Anymore, I really have to make myself to listen to others for any length of time because before long, I am zoning out. Gone. I am in another world. I guess I should really try meditation, huh.

Sometimes when I am driving, I have to consciously make myself pay attention. Scary. I’ll be on auto-pilot and hoping that my guardian angel is riding along.

The below article is from YOUR LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEM, a free, online inspirational newsletter, published by Steve Goodier, to which I subscribe. It was interesting that today’s message would be about listening, because I’ve been doing a lot of talking about my father’s death, and people have actually been listening. Really, really listening.

I am so impressed.

I am so very grateful.

Talking helps.

Their listening helps even more.

 

WHO LISTENS?

Two psychiatrists met at their 20th college reunion. One is
vibrant, while the other looks withered and worried. "So what's
your secret?" the older looking psychiatrist asked. "Listening to
other people's problems every day, all day long, for years on
end, has made an old man of me."

"So," replies the younger-looking one, "who listens?"

Unfortunately, that is too often a problem -- who listens?  REALLY
listens?

I received a letter from a woman who lives in New York. She
explained that her 22-year-old electrician son went to Manhattan a few days after the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks. He wanted to volunteer his time, but discovered that his skills were not needed.

Joe may have helped in a way he never anticipated, for on the
train home, he sat across from a weary firefighter covered in
what appeared to be "ground zero" dirt and debris. Though he
could see bits of rock in the man's hair and noticed that his
hands were bloody, what shocked the young man most was the look in the firefighter's eyes. They appeared lifeless and dull.

Then the man began to talk and Joe listened. He talked about
retrieving a shoe with a foot inside. Joe listened. He talked
about cleaning debris from a face, then discovering that this
person's body was gone. Joe listened. And as his listened, he did not flinch. He did not react in disgust. He did not judge. He did
not interrupt. He just listened.

He listened as the firefighter lamented about the carnage
everywhere and about shoes...there were so many shoes, he said.

Everywhere...shoes.

Through it all Joe quietly held the man's attention and listened,
which is exactly what the rescue worker needed at that moment.

And because he listened, the man continued to speak. He talked his pain out, as much as possible. And Joe, for that time at
least, helped him carry his unbelievably heavy burden.

That day Joe did not give blood, nor did he use his electrical
skills to help with the relief effort. But he did one of the most
important things a human can do for another. He gave a stunned
and disheartened man his whole attention, and thereby immeasurably assisted in the work of setting the world right.

Mary Lou Casey says, "What people really need is a good
listening-to."

Now more than ever.

- By Steve Goodier

http://www.lifesupportsystem.com

 

From Here to Reality...................

Yep, back to reality. 

I knew when Ab said she and Tam, had a "lot of fun!" while I was gone, that the house would not be in the same shape as when I left.  

Well, in some instances it was the same. 

The same CLEAN dishes were in the dishwasher, so the dirty ones were piled in the sink, if they even made it to the sink....the same dirty clothes were ready to be washed, there were just others added to the pile and more filling up the floor space in Ab's room. 

The same school uniforms and other clean clothes that I folded before I left remained on Papa's bed, unnoticed.  So Ab wore her cleanest, dirty uniforms for the past couple of days.

The same trash remained in the downstair's bathroom, with some added to the point of it over-flowing to the floor.  Ditto for the kitchen trash can. 

Ok....in all fairness, as Tam used to say to Papa and would probably say to me right now..."YOU exaggerate soooooo much!" 

Wrong........

It's just great to be home.

Love Comforteth.....

                                             Like Sunshine After Rain

                       ~William Shakespeare

 

I arrived home last night after a much needed mini-vacation at the beautiful home of my Uncle Lee and Aunt Sherry on the Northern California coast.  It was exactly what this grieving soul needed and I hated to leave one of the most peaceful retreats that I have ever experienced. 

I was pampered with good food, wonderful company and conversation, awesome scenery, loving hugs, and time to remember and cry when I felt the need, which was often.  

There were lots of outstanding photo opportunities and I can't wait to share them with you in both my journals.   I took the above photo in a home that has an actual working lighthouse overlooking the Brookings, Oregon Harbor.  That's a whole entry (or several) in itself and I can't wait to write all those fascinating "lighthouse" stories!    

A special addition to this trip was the chance to get together with my friend from AOL journal-land....Lisa @ Coming to Terms with Middle Age.  She is a tiny person with a beautiful, loving spirit, opinionated and passionate about her life and what we "see" in her journal is what we get! 

Lisa has been a great support to me throughout this period of my Dad's illness and death, so it was great to meet her and visit in person.  It seemed as though we were old friends right from the start and we had a great afternoon!  You can read her take on it and see photos by clicking the link below! 

http://journals.aol.com/mlraminiak/ComingtotermswithMiddleAge/ 

And....remember the camera adds about 10 pounds......so please be kind. 

I will write more about my entire mini-vacation in the coming days.   

I am mostly a mountain person.  Ever since I was a little California girl and despite growing up with the ocean just a few miles from our front door, I have loved the mountain's textured beauty, the vibrant and ever changing colors and the fresh, clean scents that fill my lungs and make me feel alive. 

California people have it so good.  The best of both worlds, just within a short driving distance.  When I was a kid, my family took many day trips to Big Bear, Crestline, and Wrightwood and that's when I really fell in love with the glorious creations of Mother Nature.....Crystal blue lakes, surrounded by tall pine trees, casting shadows across the rippling water. 

The rhythmic sounds of the Woodpeckers and discovering their handywork in the trees and cabins.  Tasting the brilliant white snow and making snow angels......breathing in the cool, crisp mountain air, the scent of pine.    

I am so happy that I have had the opportunity to live in this little mountain community that I call home, for the past 24 years.  I never take it for granted and I try to drink in it's beauty every day.

But, there's another side of me that is a beach person.  I have to feed that side of me too.  I love to vacation around water.  After all, I was a surfer girl.  I am mesmerized by the ocean and the daily changes of the tide. 

And fortunately, I have family that lives in Smith River, on the stunning California redwood coast.  I mean....right on the coast.  In a gorgeous home that overlooks the ocean, with a little private path to the beach below. 

The above photo, of the beach right below their house is one of my favorites, that I took when visiting my Aunt and Uncle's place last summer.  I love this photo so much that I use it on my computer "desktop." 

So, on Saturday morning, I am leaving to spend a few days with my Aunt and Uncle and replenish my ocean lovin' side.  Trish, my best friend and the one who helped me nurse Papa, is going along.  We deserve it and we need it after what we've been through. 

Now is the time.  We will enjoy our quiet time on the patio, watching the tide.  We'll walk the beach and leave footprints in the sand.  I'll take photos.  Lots of photos, because there's so much subject matter.  

We'll allow my family to pamper us with their wonderful cooking and hospitality.  They'll both keep us entertained.  My Uncle Lee can tell a great story just like Papa and he's lived such an interesting life.  

But.... my gosh, he looks so much like my dad.  I wonder if I can stand that part?    

What a Catch!

Taking those online psychological quizzes can be kinda fun and some can be amazingly accurate.  This one, in my humble opinion has been the most accurate for me, ever. 

Here's the link as supplied by AbsintheMndLogic (the "Sex Bomb" herself) in case you'd like to take it yourself......The Relationship Quiz

Taaaa Daaaahhh, the results..........

I am an XPIG-Expressive Practical Intellectual Giver and it says, this makes me a......Catch!  (now this is what I have been tellin' Chuck all along--oh well, his loss!) 

Anyway, It says..........

You are a magazine-cover, matinee idol dreamboat. (Don't c'ha know?)

Parents love you and want to set you up with their kids.  (Of course their kid should be about 45-50 years old.  Ok, well maybe 38.  No younger than 35, really.)

However, first dates are tough because it takes time for your qualities to come out. (keep 'em guessing, is what I always say!)  

You are generous and kind. (an understatement) 

You think first and act later.  (that's 'cause I is smart!)

You are cool in a conflict, but your practical side means if your partner throws out emotional appeals ("why can't we do what I want for a change") they will grate on your nerves, even when the conflict is resolved.  (Yeah...forgive, but never forget what you forgave, that's me alright.)

You're a romantic.  (:sigh: Still waitin' on my Prince Charming!)

You enjoy the thrill of the hunt and you just don't fall into bed with anyone. (Separate hotel rooms, right Chuck? I am definitely not easy!) 

You pay close attention to your significant other's needs and this makes you an excellent lover and partner. (Chuck, Chuck...what are you thinkin' darlin'?)  The problem is that your friends and lovers (implying more than one?) may find it so easy to express things to "you" that they lose sight of whether you feel as comfortable with "Them!"  This doesn't necessarily make you feel under-appreciated-you're too well adjusted and self-aware for that-but you may feel restless.  Thus you seek adventure (is Bunco twice a month considered adventurous?) in your life outside the relationship to prove and actualize yourself.

Of all the types, you would make the best parent. (My children should say Amen to that!  Well most of 'em-two are teenagers and what do they know anyhow?)

You are coiffed. (Does that mean I get my hair done regularly, like at a beauty shop?)

Didja see "Big Fish?"  'Cause you're like Ewan MacGregor in that movie. (Nope, didn't see it, but will now.  I hope he found his true love, since I expect a happy ending....romantic that I am.  ::big sigh::)

Of the 63289 people who have taken this quiz, 8.4 % are this type.

GAWD I AM sooooo SPECIAL!!!!!