Can you hear me now?

I used to be really good at listening to others. It’s really important in my line of work and I’ve had some excellent training in crisis management and negotiations. That training was very helpful to me, especially since I truly believe I have a form of attention deficit disorder. I learned to focus on the person, and to try to determine what they were really saying. I learned feedback, and paraphrasing what you believed they were saying and asking for clarification when necessary. I learned to ask open-ended questions, to get people to talk, especially about themselves.

But, I think I’ve lost a lot of that ability and frankly, my interest due to depression and all the stress in my life the past couple of years. Too wrapped up in my own issues. Anymore, I really have to make myself to listen to others for any length of time because before long, I am zoning out. Gone. I am in another world. I guess I should really try meditation, huh.

Sometimes when I am driving, I have to consciously make myself pay attention. Scary. I’ll be on auto-pilot and hoping that my guardian angel is riding along.

The below article is from YOUR LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEM, a free, online inspirational newsletter, published by Steve Goodier, to which I subscribe. It was interesting that today’s message would be about listening, because I’ve been doing a lot of talking about my father’s death, and people have actually been listening. Really, really listening.

I am so impressed.

I am so very grateful.

Talking helps.

Their listening helps even more.

 

WHO LISTENS?

Two psychiatrists met at their 20th college reunion. One is
vibrant, while the other looks withered and worried. "So what's
your secret?" the older looking psychiatrist asked. "Listening to
other people's problems every day, all day long, for years on
end, has made an old man of me."

"So," replies the younger-looking one, "who listens?"

Unfortunately, that is too often a problem -- who listens?  REALLY
listens?

I received a letter from a woman who lives in New York. She
explained that her 22-year-old electrician son went to Manhattan a few days after the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks. He wanted to volunteer his time, but discovered that his skills were not needed.

Joe may have helped in a way he never anticipated, for on the
train home, he sat across from a weary firefighter covered in
what appeared to be "ground zero" dirt and debris. Though he
could see bits of rock in the man's hair and noticed that his
hands were bloody, what shocked the young man most was the look in the firefighter's eyes. They appeared lifeless and dull.

Then the man began to talk and Joe listened. He talked about
retrieving a shoe with a foot inside. Joe listened. He talked
about cleaning debris from a face, then discovering that this
person's body was gone. Joe listened. And as his listened, he did not flinch. He did not react in disgust. He did not judge. He did
not interrupt. He just listened.

He listened as the firefighter lamented about the carnage
everywhere and about shoes...there were so many shoes, he said.

Everywhere...shoes.

Through it all Joe quietly held the man's attention and listened,
which is exactly what the rescue worker needed at that moment.

And because he listened, the man continued to speak. He talked his pain out, as much as possible. And Joe, for that time at
least, helped him carry his unbelievably heavy burden.

That day Joe did not give blood, nor did he use his electrical
skills to help with the relief effort. But he did one of the most
important things a human can do for another. He gave a stunned
and disheartened man his whole attention, and thereby immeasurably assisted in the work of setting the world right.

Mary Lou Casey says, "What people really need is a good
listening-to."

Now more than ever.

- By Steve Goodier

http://www.lifesupportsystem.com