Truth, Justice and the American Teenager

Considering my profession, I have been conned a time or two by the absolute best. There’s a reason they call them convicts. But, when it comes to your kid messing with you like that, you’ve got to draw the line.

I know as the mother and considering the fact that she’s my fourth child, I should be able to effectively deal with some of these issues, but I’ll tell you, it’s so damn hard. Sometimes I just want to throw my hands up in despair and run. To quote a line from one of my favorite songs by Wynonna Judd, "Is it over yet?"

My youngest is becoming masterful at deceit and quite the manipulator. When it used to be nearly impossible for her to tell me a lie without laughing or displaying some other form of easily recognized body language which gives it away, she is learning to stand flat-footed, raise her right hand and swear that she’s telling me the truth. And…she won’t back down, even in the face of pure, irrefutable proof. That’s her story and she’s stickin’ to it!

Coming from a mother who is often honest to a fault and the fact that she’s been raised in an environment where truth is practiced and valued, this behavior is terribly distressing. Even Bubba, with all his issues, had the self-respect to own up to his misdeeds when they came to light. Am I going to be able to get this child to be a responsible adult and citizen? I know I felt the same thing at times with the two oldest, but Lord Have Mercy!

What really gets me is the fact that so many of her lies are just downright stupid and unnecessary. Take this example:

Me: What happened to the battery in the kitchen clock?

Her: I dunno. Why?

Me: Well, the kitchen clock is not running and there is no battery in it, so someone took the battery.

Her: Not meeeeeee! If I wanted a battery I could take one out of the drawer right here. <showing a fist full of batteries>

Me: Well, the clock was operating when I went to bed last night, and this morning it wasn’t. Upon inspection of the clock, the battery is missing. I didn’t take out the battery, and you say YOU didn’t take thebattery, so I guess we had a burglar last night? Ok, I know….Greyson (the kitten) took it out; he probably needed it for his CD player.

Her: <Gulp> Mom, I didn’t take the battery out!

Argggghh! So, now what do I do? It’s not like I can find and identify the missing battery and stick it in her face and say "SEE! Caught ya!" I can’t beat her into truthful submission! Do I treat this as I would in an inmate’s disciplinary hearing using "preponderance of evidence?"  We certainly have enough circumstantial evidence as well. Is this even a battle I want to fight? How about we let this one go? Nah…there’s been too many situations lately where she refuses to be truthful or take responsibility for her actions.

It’s not the battery. If she’d told the truth, I would have just scolded her, asked her to put the battery back and not take batteries out of something like that in the future. No big deal! So just why is this child being so deceitful and how do I handle it?

We ended up talking with a professional, her therapist. And, right in front of the kid, she gives me the new rule. If Mom suspects you are not telling the truth, she’s going to flip a coin. Heads, you skate, tails…you’re assumed to be lying and you’ll be receiving a punishment. The therapist feels that this 50/50 rule encourages kids to be truthful. So, that’s what we’re doing here.  I'm thinkin' it's worth a try. 

Comments and other suggestions are welcome!