Today...Without Bubba

This is my first Mother’s Day without my son, Bubba (see February entries for the story) since he ran away to Oklahoma this past November.

It hurts. Bad.

He always took great delight in finding me the perfect Mother’s Day gift or any gift, for that matter. It was always something that he knew I’d just love. Something girly, sparkly, shiny, impractical. That young man had quite an ability and I could count on him coming through with something great. He's very thoughtful.

One Mother’s Day it was a picture frame that had the word MOM printed all over it, with a cute photo of him inside. That gift was of real significance, because he never, ever could call me "Mom" despite the fact that I mothered him since he was 8 years old. Even though his birthmother lost custody of him when he was just 3 years old, the loyalty was there.

He’d refer to me as his "Mom" when talking to others, as in ‘I’ll have to ask my Mom’ but he just never could form the word and say it to my face. It was just something that he couldn’t do. I understood. It didn’t really matter, because I knew I was his mother, in every sense of the word.

Last summer during our Mountain Festival at the city park, he was flirting with some of the teenage girls who were doing face painting on little kids. Never a shy one, Bubba decided he’d pay to spend a few minutes with the cute young ladies, and he rolled up his sleeve to have a big red heart placed on his muscular upper arm. I told him that if he really wanted to impress the girls, he’d have them paint MOM on a banner across the heart!

"Ohhhhhh, how sweet!" they said, and of course he agreed, right away. He’s just that kind of kid.

I was so touched, I made sure we took a photo. I am so glad I did, because a few months later, my son was gone.

Mother’s Day without Bubba……….this sucks.