Despite the fact that I have accomplished and crossed off so many things on my "must do" list, there’s still enough to keep me busy for quite awhile. If I didn’t have all of this "stuff" to do right now, I’d probably be a lot crazier.
I had a quite a few rough spots yesterday. For the most part, I am fine, but then something occurs to me that I’d like to share with Papa or a nice little memory crosses my mind. Then I well up with the tears and they just flow. I couldn’t stop them even if I tried. It happens at the most inconvenient times. Something as simple as "How are you?" or "Mom, You’re having a bad day, aren’t you?" can open up my flood gates. Hearing a well-meaning clerk say "Have a nice day!" can sometimes make me want to scream, "My father just DIED!" Of course, I am not that type of person, so I just smile and say thanks.
Actually, I did use the "I’m sorry. We just had a death in the family!" line yesterday with a door-to door Kirby vacuum salesman who just wanted to demonstrate his machine and do a "complimentary carpet cleaning."
I bet they don’t hear that one too often.
So, instead of saying "Have a nice day!" He offered his sympathy and went away, which is exactly what I wanted him to do.
Right now I feel as if I will never have a nice day again. My rational side realizes that’s not true. The little girl side of me wants to sit in the middle of the floor, kick and scream, place my hands over my ears and yell, "NO, NO, NO! Make it all go away!" ::pout::
I am procrastinating big time about one major thing on my "to do" list…..the thank-you cards to all, and I mean all…of those who have been so kind….sent cards, flowers or plants, brought food, soda and paper goods, and/or just provided a much needed helping hand or emotional support through all of this ordeal.
As much as I love to write, the thought of having to personalize all those cards is just overwhelming right now.
But, as I always ask the kids when they have a big project and they don't know where to start......'How would you eat an elephant?'
Answer: One little bite at a time, and you keep eating until it's gone.
Maybe I will be in a better frame of mind next week.
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All the things that HAVE to be done after someone you love dies...sometimes it's nice just to have those things to do, to take your mind off the reality. Hopefully, by the time everything is checked off the list, a little of the edge will be off your grief, and it will be minutely easier to bear. One day at a time, Lis! Lisa :-]
ReplyDeleteThe cards will wait---or get the kids to address them and you just sign the cards. That's what we did.
ReplyDelete