If I Could Write a Letter to Me

If I Could Write a Letter to Me....is a hit country song, by Brad Paisley. In that song, he's an adult and speaks of wanting to write a letter to himself back when he was in high school...and share things he's learned about how his life would eventually turn out.

Recently, I noticed a few blogs that I follow had posted "Open Letters" that they'd written to themselves. Since I have been having a pity party of major proportions in the past few days, I wrote this to ME to give myself a swift kick in the rear!

I think it's working! :)





Dear Me,

WTF is wrong with you? Look at you! What’s happened to you?

You are a friggin’ mess. Pathetic in so many ways. Yes, I said “pathetic” because I know how much you like the truth. That’s right, p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c…and it’s about time someone gave you a serious wake-up call.

Oh yeah….for the past few months, you‘ve been on a spiritual quest…a big self-improvement kick; but who could tell by your latest pity party? What is that all about? You are on your third day of wallowing in your self-imposed misery! This one’s almost for the record books.

If you aren’t sitting around in your pajamas with tears streaming down your face, you are “taking to your bed” with that woe is me attitude. Why don’t you just velcro your wrist to your forehead?

Is that your inner-child I hear singing, “Nobody likes me, everybody HATES me, I’m gonna eat some worms?” Oh, that’s right, it’s not worms…it’s chocolate, milkshakes and fast food you’re eating. Why don’t you try some worms….they’ve probably got less calories and they’re certainly more nutritious.

How long has it been since you’ve cooked for your family? Are you proud of the fact that you’ve disconnected so much that everyone has to fend for themselves around here? What happened to that schedule that you talked about, where everyone was going to pitch in and have a night to cook and clean the kitchen? Are you so paralyzed with apathy that you can’t even do a simple schedule so you can all eat a home-cooked meal? I know, it’s just so much easier to throw a $20 at the kids and tell them to run through the drive through. What a wimp! And….you wonder why you are putting on weight!

Do you realize that you’ve nearly put on every bit of that weight that you lost last year? I know you’ve looked in the mirror lately and it’s bothering you that you are FAT! Yes, FAT! I said it even though you prefer the word “pudgy!”

Do you remember how you felt when you were thinner? You were struttin’ your sexy self! The kids were callin’ you HOT MAMA!! People didn’t even recognize you because you looked so good and of course, you weren’t isolating yourself then! You were so faithful about your diet journal, and exercising! You love to walk! What happened? Is it that isolation crap again? You don’t want anyone to see you? More of that stupid self-pity because you are aging, and you’ve let yourself go?

Vanity…Thy Name is Woman!

You know you look pretty damn good for a woman your age, and you can look better, if you do your part. Get busy! Get going on that exercise! YOU are retired for God’s sake! You can’t say you don’t have the time! In fact, I think part of your problem is you have too much time on your hands. Don’t you?

Didn’t you just buy a treadmill? You don’t have a single excuse for NOT exercising! Yeah…I know you live in the mountains and it’s Winter. That’s why God made coats, hats and gloves. If the weather’s nice, you can go for a walk and who knows…you may find some great photo ops while you’re out. Or, you can listen to some of that music on your fancy new iPod. You’ve got an incredible music library on that thing. Surely you can find some motivating music to get you going! And… you can use it while you walk on the treadmill if it’s cold outside. Didn’t you put that treadmill in a place where it can easily be put in position to see the television while you’re walking on it? Puhlease!!! Get moving!

And…..while you are at it, how about doing a little housework! Housework is exercise and just getting this filthy place in shape will lift your spirits.

Good Lord woman, can you even kick your way through your messy bedroom? No wonder you want to stay in bed! I bet you just can’t stand how incredibly nasty you’ve let this house become! Yes, it’s your fault! You have four people living here; 2 adults and 2 that are nearly adults. A few years ago this place was always spotless! A little cluttered at times, but clean!!!

Where’s your backbone? Can you provide some boundaries and expectations for those slovenly people that are living in your home? Sometimes I find it hard to believe you worked in a prison for 25 years and were so successful. Like Papa used to say…“Would you put up with that shit from an inmate?” NO? Well, then why do you let your kids walk all over you and mess up your beautiful home? What about that chart?? Remember? That was agreed upon by all involved and you just failed to get it done. Say what you mean…and mean what you say! It’s not that damn complicated.

Oh, and I totally understand that you are approaching that milestone birthday in a few weeks and you‘re feeling a little “old!” Well, you are a very youthful 55, and besides, 55 is not that old! You need to quit yer bellyaching as two of your sisters didn’t make it to age 40! So, why don’t you try being a little more grateful for attaining that age and having a wonderful retirement income! There’s lots of people out there who are still working for a living and you’ve got all this time to finally do what you want in life and instead you are sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. Isolating yourself, again. Do you see how absolutely absurd that is?

Yes, I know you want to find a soul mate; someone who’ll be loving, kind and giving. Like you. Yes, you are a wonderful woman and would make a great lover and wife and that person is out there, somewhere! You thought maybe your Would-Be Prince Charming would be that “someone.” But, he’s made it clear that he’s not interested in anything more than being friends. He’s being "careful" and not open to a “relationship” at this point in his life. Yes…it’s too bad. His loss. But…damn it…does he need to bust you upside of the head with a 2x4 to get that through your thick head?

Remember when you were in high school and you had a crush on Cathy Cave’s brother and you let him know it? He wrote in your yearbook, “Forget it Lisa, it’s not going to happen!” It’s pretty much just like that here. What part of NO don’t you understand?



He said you’d be much "more attractive" to the right person, when there’s more “balance” in your life. Which is probably a pretty nice way of saying you’re kind of a mess right now Lisa. So…get to balancing!

You know…..there’s so much more I could say right now…but I think I’ve beat you up enough for now. I am sure you know that I love you and I am doing this in that spirit of love. You really need to get your shit together Lisa!

Let’s set a couple of goals to get started. Tomorrow, you’ll make those kitchen charts. That’s an easy one, right? Monday, you’ll start exercising again! You can start out slow. Let’s say a half-hour walk outdoors or on the treadmill.

Baby steps darlin’.

Deal?

Deal!

You‘ll be just fine! Trust me! I am here for ya!

Love,

Me