Yes...I am in teenage HELL.
I decided to write this entry to clarify some issues involving my teenage daughter and yesterday's extremely flippant entry in which I referred to her as Little Miss Cheech, in reference to her apparent and regular use of marijuana.
Perhaps I can explain where I currently stand concerning this matter as some of you may believe I have totally lost my mind when it comes to the science of parenting and my responsibilities. In my defense, this is my 4th teenager (I shudder when I think of that) and I am so very tired...tired to the bone. I am not asking for pity. I am just sayin'!
However, I realize I still have a job to do. So, with the help of my dear therapist (who I wish could be my new BEST FRIEND FOREVER); who conveniently specializes in all matters of drug/alcohol and codependency, Al-Anon, and my Higher Power, I am currently in the process of figuring out how to NOW handle my 17 year old, still slightly-troubled kid, who comes complete with a few mental health problems and serious Native American addictive personality traits who is NOW ONLY self-medicating with nicotine and THC. (Whew! Is that a run-on sentence?)
Believe me. We've come a very long way. It's almost cause for celebration.
So, briefly here goes.
Is she smoking marijuana on a regular basis? Yes, I believe daily; however not in my home. She openly admits it and I don't have to waste money on home drug tests. Because I know about and acknowledge her marijuana use, I am better able to deal with the fact that my kid's addicted to the substance and a really ugly acting alcoholic IF she indulges in firewater!
Do I like it? HELL NO!
Do I allow her do come into my home under the influence of marijuana? Yes, because I love her very much, she lives here (damn it) and as I said, I am still working with my therapist and on my own issues to decide the next step and setting the NEW boundaries in my home. Also, when you first become a member of Al-Anon, they suggest you don't make any immediate changes with the alcoholics and addicts in your life until you...(meaning me) are better equipped emotionally. And..I am still in the process of allowing God to restore my sanity, which has been seriously missing in action for quite awhile now!
So, it is what it is. If it appears that I am turning a blind eye to my daughter's current use of marijuana, that's sorta true...for right now. It's much better that I do that, than be the really crazy, hostile, victimized, hurting, sad, depressed and angry Mom, who felt like a complete and utter parental failure, who came this :: close to being a suicide statistic.... that I was a few short months ago.
Rather than rewrite the history that's already been recorded here, if you get time, read some of my older entries, even those from the past few years. "We", my late father and I've gone through a lot with my two youngest children, who are adopted, by the way. Adoption, in itself poses another whole set of issues for some kids.
Maybe, by reading this and some of those older entries, you will have a sense of what it's like to walk in my holey moccasins, one scary day at a time!
In all honesty, I'd much rather joke about a "roach clip" than submit to my normal tendency to have a huge "pity-party." I just think I deserve that!
And.. I think God has a special place in Heaven for Mothers who've struggled with children like mine!
This I believe!
Now...I am off to the Friday afternoon Al-Anon meeting, if it hasn't been cancelled due to weather!
Posts
I remember teenage hell. Went through it with two kids, although alcohol was their drug of choice.
ReplyDeleteI had two babies because babies are so cute and they love you. I didn't think about the fact that they grow up to be teenagers who hate you.
We grow too soon old, too late smart.
My kids aren't so bad as middle-aged people, by the way.
Thanks again for listening to my rant. And I'm sure this entry helped clarify for some what you've been going through. Although, knowing how long you've been struggling with Abbie, I can only imagine what effect that would have on you emotionally.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Jamie
If I had your kids, I'd smoke weed too. LOL
ReplyDeleteSorry, just trying to keep things light. The truth is she is better off smoking weed than drinking, as long as she doesn't drive. Yep. Remo just said that. Pick your battles and your poison.
It could always be worse. She could be addicted to Lithuanian dwarf porn. I hear those subscription fees are a killer.
I am thankful every day that I don't have children. I'm grateful that my wife and I didn't succumb to the urges to spawn.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds as if you are doing what you can do. Hang in there.
Good lord, I hope nobody gave you crap about your "cavalier" attitude toward the roach clip.
ReplyDeleteThis is your space, hon. Write what you need to. There are those of us who are here just to lend support and not to judge. You don't need to justify your actions to us...
Remo's comment made me laugh. I missed the last entry that you wrote. However, I'll respond to this post. I was essentially going to say what Remo said, about picking your battles. My youngest son has a drinking problem he will deny it of course.
ReplyDeleteFor a while there I was stressing over the situation, staying awake, blaming myself - saying it was due to me divorcing his father, or because I was away at work ... there can be 1001 reasons if I wanted to think long and hard about, and I could take everyone of those reasons and turn it on myself.
However, I refuse to let my son or anyone else steal my chance at happiness. Yes, I will still worry about him, yes, I still keep him in my prayers and yes, I still LOVE him to no end! I only had three children and I understand tired! Right now, healthy is a good option for us as moms and as women in general!
There was something else on my mind and now I can't remember. But, how about a big cyber hug? ((((((Lisa)))))) hey if you don't need the hug, I DID and I just stole one from you.
Monica
Nah...I didn't think you were crazy at all.
ReplyDeleteI got just what you wanted me to out of that last entry...yes, you know your child is addicted to pot but you're picking your battles and although you don't approve, you're dealing.
I think you're doing the best you can under the circumstances. Hang in there.
XXOO
If we could control them...we would.
ReplyDeleteIf you find a "cure" to make teens or adults stop smoking pot, when they want to smoke pot, please send it my way, I know 20 moms off the top of my head who would buy it.
I dare anyone to look another human being in the eye and say "stop being you" and have that work.
Just do what you can each day to keep your own sanity so you can deal with their insanity.
Oh Sweetie until people HAVE walked an inch in your moccasins they've NO right to judge! I come from a native (MicMac) heritage and I understand the history all too well!
ReplyDeleteJudge not, lest ye be judged - Matthew 7:1
Any parent who thinks that they have the ultimate authority over their children is a fool. In any situation in life, it would behoove everyone to remember the words, "there but for the grace of God go I".
ReplyDeleteAll any of us can do is the best we can. I cannot tell you how much I admire the fact that you're doing the Al-anon thing and taking care of yourself. You're my hero.
If anyone has something unkind to say...ignore them. I applaud you for keeping it real. You will help people with your truth and you probably won't even know it.
Love,
Melissa
I think parenting teenagers is the most humbling experience you can go through.... I'm on my third teenager and there are times that I'm just sick of saying what I've been saying since oldest child turned 13 nine years ago... my kids have made some choices that I disagree with. I've set boundaries... I've had tough love... I've caved in and turned a blind eye at times. There is never a day that I'm not aggravated by what one of my kids is doing. There is never a day that I feel like I've done enough. It's not easy... but it's not a spectator sport... NOBODY need sit in judgement of how I raise my kids! Helpful advice... welcome... criticism... not welcome.
ReplyDeleteKnow that you're not alone!
*hugs*
heather
I think you are doing the best you can today and tomorrow you will do the best you can. Each day will be better for you and no matter what you are a great Mom.
ReplyDeleteHuugs
B
I love the sign. I think every parent going through teenage turmoil should put that sign across the front of their house/apt. It would make a great bumper sticker too.
ReplyDeleteI raised 3 boys through their teen years, and now my 'baby' is about to turn 13 in a few months. Do I think I'm ready? Hell, no!
ReplyDelete