Be Careful or You'll End Up in My Next Blog Entry!

As IF you couldn’t tell, this week pretty much sucked, despite my attempts to keep my mood light-hearted with an entry on those endearing quirks of mine. That kick in the pants Letter to Me was helpful though. I actually found my self accomplishing a few things today and even singing along with the radio a time or two. Not singing well, but enjoying myself nonetheless.



Sometimes we depressive types use any excuse we can find to withdraw into that disturbing DARK SIDE of ourselves. Having always enjoyed my own fascinating company, it’s not hard to seek out a reason and relish that time of self-indulgence, and reflection in a fluffy, warm bed. Besides, we have chocolate on the Dark Side and well, they know me there. I‘ve been a regular visitor over the past few years.

But, it’s really starting to get old and I’d much rather spend time happily doing other things than pulling the covers up over my head, and watching a fictional “LOVE Story” that I’ve written, take place in living color on a screen in my misfiring brain.




I had to laugh at my friend Lisa’s comment on my Letter to Me entry where she said, “I take it the weekend date with Mr. Possible Prince Charming didn't go too well…”

Actually, I thought it went fantastically well and therein lies the problem!

The Would Be Prince Charming, who will now be referred to as my Cave Man Friend-and I have known each other for many years; beginning back when he was drop-dead gorgeous Sergeant in his SERT (SWAT) uniform providing outstanding motivation and “Leadership” training to a group of us SERT and Negotiation Team Leaders.



I was the young, cute and disgustingly skinny Lieutenant in charge of my facility’s Negotiation Team and there to learn, but I think I remained totally distracted by being Hot for Teacher, and mesmerized by his every word during that week. Even if I weren’t the somewhat puritanical woman I’ve been my whole life, and was inclined to pursue him…he admittedly wouldn’t have given me a tumble, considering SERT his “mistress.”



But, as luck would have it a couple years later, we ended up spending a few days conducting an audit at a facility down South, where we spent some time hanging out after work. We walked, talked and shared dinners in an amazingly comfortable way. I felt an immediate emotional connection, like finding a new best friend.

He’d later tell me that he felt the same connection and that’d I’d given him a glimpse of how “easy” a relationship could be with the right person (That admission led to at least part of my screenplay), considering his disastrous marriage which had just been complicated by the addition of a new baby. After that, we’d run into each other briefly a time or two during our careers.

Had circumstances and "timing" been a little different along the way, maybe we would have had a mad, passionate love affair and been done with it, or maybe we’d would have fallen madly in love, been together all this time and saved one another from the disturbing depths of depression we both sank into, separately-over the past 4 or 5 years. (It’s my damn love story and blog, so I’ll write it as I would have hoped it would have been!)

Or maybe………..*sigh*

Despite some long stretches of non-contact, at times one or the other would eventually reach out and we’d reconnect via email and telephone calls. Why did we continue to seek out one another? We were both single and available, but we never would take the next step.

Now?

Again?

Here we are, now retired and lonely. Both climbing out of the abyss and learning to live again or maybe learning to LIVE for the very first time. Finally. Healing. Letting go of pasts that nearly destroyed us and looking forward to a brighter future. A reality that we‘re each creating for ourselves. A major shift in consciousness.

However, we hadn’t actually seen each other in probably 15 or more years, until my recent first visit to his home/cave in October. Of course, we weren’t the sexy young things that we were way back then. Time had taken it’s toll, but I felt the connection remained as it was; just so very comfortable.

Easy. I could get used to this EASY.

I began to think that the “meant to be” script I’d written may actually ring true.


To be continued…………………


A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that still doesn't mean she can't have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.

~Cher